DK Taxi Cab Chronicles.

Sorry for the slackin lately ha. To be honest, as the honeymoon phase of the job has definitely ended…I don’t have as many good tales to tell yall. I didn’t work Saturday because I was in Hoboken so I don’t have any drunk tales like that. Except for my last cab ride Friday night.

Friday was in general hella frustrating. City traffic gets on my last nerves & combine that with pedestrians feeling that they can walk where they want when they want, it compounds the situation. Driving down the west side on 9th avenue I find this guy barely standing & tryin to hail a cab. I stop & pull over to ask where he’s tryin to go. Barely competent he tells me “Bruhklynn. Church mm McDonuld”. Seeing that it was almost midnight & I needed to get a decent amount of sleep before wakin up hella early the next morning I go for it. He leans over like he’s been shot & I ask him if he’s gonna throw up. He gets pissed and goes “what are ya, crazy?! I don’t throw up!” Trust me, the last thing I need is for a muh fucka to throw up on my shit. As I’m on the BQE the dude starts to hiccup which is NIGHTMARES. No throw-up though. I start to mutter lyrics playin on the radio & I think he tells me to shut the fuck up LMFAO. Either that, or he was havin a bad dream. After finally droppin him off at his stop, it was $37. The dude gives me $40…but then tells me to wait. He pulls out another $10…then another $5. Takes a good five minutes to look for his phone & tells me to call it. The phone is in his pocket. He gives me another $2. God bless that man lmfao.

I would say about 8 out of every ten people understand the art of tipping in the city. When you encounter those that have NO IDEA about it…it confounds the crap out of me. The Grade A Jackass of the past week and a half however goes to this older gentleman of Caucasian decent whom I picked up around Times Square to take back around NYU campus. Talkin on his phone, all that good shit whatever that’s fine. Total is $8.80 and he gives me a $10. No problem..except upon another look he wants a dollar back. So, a TWENTY CENT TIP?? The HELL am I gonna do with that ha? The next passenger that does that to me I swear I will give them their full change because I have no use for the twenty cents. Of course, I have to do it in a nice way or else I can be reported. I hate bashing my own people but once again I get another example as to why cabbies pass by African-American people. This well-dressed, educated lookin fella (albeit he could have passed for Farnsworth Bentley’s dad) takes me to the Upper East Side around 72nd street from Bryant Park. No problem. He complains about the traffic on 3rd avenue and as to why I didn’t take 1st avenue.
1) If I took 1st avenue up you’d have to pay an extra 40 cents for goin crosstown a block unnecessarily.
2) It’s the same shit traffic-wise dealing with the Queensboro Bridge.
His quote “Guess we’re gonna be stuck here for a little bit.” Yes and then 15 seconds later traffic is flowing nicely. His ride came out to around $11 or so and he pays by credit card. Tip: $0.75. LOSS. For a fella who has a doorman open up my fuckin cab door you could do better you house nigga. I laughed my ass off before makin my U-Turn.

I swear too, some of these conversations these clowns have with each other entertain me. I didn’t mention this before but the last Saturday I drove these four above-average lookin females get in my cab to go to a bar. All I can overhear them say is their yearning to make out with someone/break dry spells. Man, if it was that easy for dudes to decide who they wanna hook up with. As an upstanding gentleman & doing my job I can’t intervene from left field but DEAR GOD it’s tempting.

And so on.


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March 2010
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