DK’s Taxi Cab Chronicles (from 3/14/10).

Some cab drivers have crossover moves that would make Allen Iverson jealous. This one muh fuh comes from the middle lane ALL the way to the right lane JUST to pick up someone and I nearly annihilated his vehicle. Fortunately I wasn’t goin too fast but DEAR GOD. Then this simpleton in a regular van thinks it’s a great idea to make a right turn on the 2nd to right lane as I’m tryin to go straight.

I’m not gonna front, when this Asian couple got into my van for some reason I thought to myself if they’re havin sex that it would basically be a Japanese Anime porn in real life. Probably. Imagine Chun-Li of Street Fighter havin an orgasm. I have too much time on my hands sigh.

This dude was talkin to his date (I don’t think him and the chick he was with were official or anything) and he said Snooki was from New Jersey. The girl he was with said she’s never been to Jersey and she hates the show. They make out. I make out with a 20 cent tip. I made a U-Turn to pick up these clowns in Bill Clinton Harlem. I deserve better.

These 2 gay brothas get in my cab goin to one of their lairs…8th avenue and 23rd street. One was talkin about dance choreography for a bit or some shit. The other one’s laugh was a giggle. It happens. Later on in the night I pick up these 2 older gay folk. One of em seemed to be upset about how his night was ruined. Yes, he did an “ohhh”. I turned off my hearing after all that but yes they did cheek kiss. I turned the other cheek. I then realized I can’t do that I have to turn my entire head. He called his friend baby. I can’t discriminate. Gay people’s money is money too.

I passed another brotha by mistake today. This time it was because by the time I was able to get to the right lane I was too far & stumbled upon these white girls. Let it snow. The brotha did get his cab though but I felt bad. I promise.

Lemme tell you somethin…GET THE FUCK OFF THE PHONE WHEN I’M AT YOUR STOP & PAY UP. Time is money. You’d probably get all pissy if I was textin at a green light so what makes you think I’m gonna kool-aid smile and wait for you to finish textin. This broad last night did this and this dude does it tonight.

My favorite person of the day however was this cute ass chick on 57th and 2nd avenue. Some jackass made me miss the light…but then I saw the white. She was goin by 16th street & Union Square West. Then my dream came true, she wanted to put on makeup & sit in the front with me. Jackpot. We start conversin and do so for the whole ride. She’s from Denver & was visiting some of her homegirls. She got a kid who’s about to be two years old. She’s single. I’m single. She’s 25. I’m 25. This is too good to be true, I am lust-smitten. Then she pays me $15 on a $9 fare. The dream ends when she gets out and tells me to take care and have a good night. Damn. I wanna go to Denver now; apparently it’s the Mile High City but their brains seem to flow better even with the thinner air.

DK’s Cab-Ulary: Suckahhh- I say this when I either a) cut in front of someone to get a passenger or b) when the passenger goes in my cab rather than some other dude’s. I’m not gonna cut through 3 lanes of traffic no, maybe one or two, but I won’t OD and make someone see their life flash before their eyes. This ain’t ABC. B happened twice actually. The first time with the semi-dramatic gay dude & his “baby” because after I dropped off that aforementioned Asian couple they hailed a cab & this guy was ready to get them. They saw my van. I win. The latter was kinda fucked up though. At Penn Station there’s a taxi stand and I’m not on it; I’m waiting at a light. This broad says fuck those fellas waiting at the taxi stand & gets in my cab because I can make a left on 32nd street. They can’t. Suckahhhhs.

Oh yeah I forgot the dumbass of the day. I pick up these 2 broads from Whole Foods going to 3rd street between Avenues A and B. When I get to Avenue B and 3rd street I know I’m supposed to take a left. The Asian chick goes “make a left here.” I had my blinker on from jump you dumbass. I know you want to be Google Maps but your job is to sit down & shut up unless asked. Why do Asians give me the hardest time? Is it because they have natural tunnel vision?

And so on.


1 Response to “DK’s Taxi Cab Chronicles (from 3/14/10).”

  1. March 15, 2010 at 4:28 pm

    this is better than #busppl. u need to start taking cell pics to insert in ur blog. p.s. i often picture other ppl having sex too. usually i end up throwing up a little in my mouth, but i cant help it.

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