DK’s Taxi Cab Chronicles (from 3/16/10).

The tables turned today. The weather was much nicer…and most people were likewise; but every dog tries to ruin your day. Hell, even I made mistakes. Shit.

My first passengers of the day didn’t speak a lick of English. They must have came from the Dominican Republic or some shit and were headin to the Rockaways. Muy bueno. I had never got on the Cross Bay Bridge before and this was actually my first time driving past Howard Beach. My window was down but I should have rolled that bitch up just in case someone was thinkin about lynchin me. It’s 2010 though not 1990. In another shocker, the fare was $32 and the guy just gave me $40 and told me to keep it. Gracias senor. I’m not gonna lie my eyes bugged out when I got back to the car.

After I dropped off some folk by Madison Square Garden, someone asked me where the Continental Airlines Arena was. They wanted to see the Nets game. If he wasn’t a tourist I woulda pfffft lmfao’d at him directly. I still did this, albeit mentally. I later told him it was a little under 20 minutes via taxi.

Everything is chill until I pick up these 4 sassy broads & their guy that they were chillin with. Go figure the guy sits in the front. Fuck my life. Anyway they were goin to the Metropolitan Museum of Art on 53rd btw 5th and 6th. I wanted to make a right on Madison because 53rd goes east-west but you can’t make a right between 7am-7pm. It was 656pm. This set the stage for this Kimbo Slice/Freeway crossbred nigga on a Harley Davidson & my showdown. I inadvertently cut him off because I was tryin to avoid shit…but I will take the blame. He goes “you saw me right?” I look forward even tho I heard him. We both get caught at a red. Kimbo pulls to my side & says “I should punch you right in your fuckin mouth.” Oh really?? But since I have much more at stake here, the nigga moment is about to be deaded. I tell dude to calm down it’s not that serious…I saw you but I cut you off my bad whatever. He says some shit about “Don’t play dumb.” Meh.

I’ll take the L on that one I got got. But lemme tell you somethin, it’s pretty easy to talk tough when on a motorcycle & having free range of motion vs. someone inside a cab. It’s also pretty easy to pop off when you don’t have much to lose while I have EVERYTHING to lose and really nothin to gain. He’d prob beat me up pretty good, wouldn’t lie…looked like a dude who’d want to get into fights. At the end of the day though, I’m workin. No need to get into a verbal joust & feed the monkey more bananas so he can power up.

I took another L later on in the day when Rex Ryan in 15 years (if the Lap Band fails) came in my cab wantin to go to 90th and Riverside Drive. I got stuck in traffic on 42nd street for a bit…but it turned out to be because a bus stalled. Otherwise, it was pretty smooth sailing. I got $20 from him but then of course AS HE’S GETTIN OUT that’s when he wants to get smart and say “bad idea taking 42nd street across.” Just as I was about to say “oh, what should I have taken instead then?” the door closes. Smart ass. He was right though in that I should have taken 6th avenue up to 59th; go up Broadway to Amsterdam and then turn left on 89th street. Might have been better. BUT had the bus never been stalled on 42…all bets would have been off so shut the FUCK up. People are too busy wanting to be heard, and then they wonder why they’re a part of the herd. Fuckin sheep.

I was in an ornery mood after that one for a while but ultimately I calmed down. The thing that made me go hmm today was these cougar broads & sidekick who get in my cab on 3nd avenue and 6th street. I have to ask these fucks 3x where they’re going. St. Mark’s between 2nd and 3rd. We’re here already. “No fucking way are you serious I’m so sorry.” in an Irish accent. I wasn’t sorry when even though it was a $3.90 ride I got $6. I almost stood up and Riverdance’d.

Times are rough if you don’t have $5 in your pocket so you gotta pay for that ride via credit card SMFH. Plus when the broad said 7th and Bleeker you shoulda heard her voice snap crackle & pop at Bleeker I thought she was havin a sex change on the spot.

I’m down in Chinatown cruisin when some broad sticks her hand out like a zombie on Resident Evil to hail my cab. Sheesh. She has like 4 huge boxes that her and her boyfriend need to put in my van. The boyfriend is being a MAYNE and is puttin everything in. It looks like one of those Lowe’s Home Improvement commercials with the girl at the end lookin so appreciative. I drop them off & help them with some of the boxes which ruins the feel of that commercial scene I’m sorry. Guess it’s more like Home Depot. You don’t see black people in Lowe’s commercials.

This West African gets in my cab carryin boxes. I thought that was his hidden stash of bootleg True Religions & Air Force 1s initially. He went back to the Hilton on “Avenue of the Americas” I’ve never heard someone call 6th avenue that before ha. He gives me $8.75 on an $8.70 ride. I knew better. I was about to get myself some chicken & rice thereafter at the spot (since it’s on 53rd and 6th) but I take this guy who I thought told me 88th street & Madison. Nope. 88 Madison Avenue. Fuck my life. I did him a favor though I turned off the meter when it got to $9. But not before driving up to 88th and Madison first. 88 Madison Avenue is on 28th street. Ugh. That ride threw me off my rhythm & I didn’t pick up anyone else the rest of the night.

If yall were wonderin what my opinions on people tippin today was…I was very impressed. I guess the UV Rays stimulate brain function. Mine today however, not so much but it happens. Next time: Thursday 415pm EDT. Bout to get my inner nigga mick on tomorrow.

And so on.


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March 2010
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