DK’s Taxi Cab Chronicles (from 3/25/10).

Long-haul Thursdays once again lived up to its name. My average trip was over $20/trip. I’m proud of people’s tipping today it seems as though slowly the kool-aid is getting to their brains. There weren’t that many interesting characters but here are today’s highlights:

Clown of the Day: I had to drop someone off at the God forsaken Webster Hall (more on this in a bit) and so I was gettin ready to make the turn onto 4th avenue & look for some parking so I can eat. These two asian dudes drunk as shit get in and they have two stops. One to 5th and 19th street and the other…to “Sound Factory”. WTF?? Sound Factory?? I was perplexed for the hottest minute bc I could have sworn it was closed. Then I remembered that it’s now called Pacha. This was a disaster though:
1) One of the dudes hasth the illesth lispth.
2) Why would you go to a club like Pacha by yourself?
3) I didn’t know the exact address and when I ask him he goes on a yes, no, I don’t know, can you repeat the question type shit like the Malcolm in the Middle theme song.
4) He bet me $2 that 11th avenue was a one-way street. WRONG.
5) He tells me to “turn my radio the fuck off”. Big mistake. I let him slide a bit but his direction giving is terrible.

So I dropped him off a block away and his ride was $12.30. “How much should I give you??” Um, at least $12.30 was my answer and he throws me a $20. He asks me if I want to come with him. Nah…you good, get your glowsticks & fistpump your damn self.

The Reality Check: I pick up the aforementioned black dude and he takes me to Webster Hall. The fare is $9.50 and he gives me a $10. He tells me to keep the change (yeah no shit) but then he pauses…and gives me an additional dollar. Good man. He was meetin up with his girl at Webster Hall. Why would you do that…ask Jeeves. He complains there’s too many youngins and they would need to know what to do without him speakin in order for him to pay attention to him.

Say What??: I got a shortie ticket to return back to JFK since on my first trip I went to Mill Basin out in Brooklyn. This spanish guy tells me to take him to “Wuudhavin Mertyell Cuuper” Rewind. “Mertyell avenue” The Fuck. Forget it I’ll figure it out. I do ultimately figure it out…because I’m just that damn nice.

Who asked you?: “Can you take me to 89th between Columbus & Amsterdam and take Central Park West please thanks.” STOP IT WITH THE THANKS SHIT. “Turn here on 89th.” MY BLINKER WAS ON FROM 88TH. “Go past Columbus and it’s on the next block.” SINCE WHEN WERE YOU A FUCKIN TOM-TOM GPS?? He did tip me well though but dear God that was annoying.

Try again: This chick & her friend went to The Gin Mill on Amsterdam btw 81st and 82nd streets because for Cornell students and alum they were giving them half-off drinks for their game today. She rocked her Cornell hat. Cornell didn’t do much else.

I feel you son: I pick up this black dude and he gives me the vaguest destination I’ve heard yet “29th street”. 29th and what? 7th? 5th? Broadway? 9th? “Yeah 9th sounds good”. Unsurprisingly he tells me to turn it up (I’m listenin to Power 105 this time because Funk Flex was talkin too much) and he asks me my opinion of Lil Wayne. Simply put: the man makes no sense…however, he’s a beast on mixtapes I cannot lie. The dude gets bonus points for being a Drake hater and wonderin “who the fuck is he?” His 80 cent tip I let slide.

Overhearing people argue in my cab isn’t even entertaining sometimes. White people’s arguments are hella passive-agressive I’ve noticed. “I’m not going here then!” “Fine!” “Fine!” Hmph.

How wacked out were my trips today? Here were some of them:
1) JFK-Mill Basin in Brooklyn (Exit 11N off the Belt)
2) JFK-Middle Village
3) Lincoln Center-Downtown Brooklyn
4) East Village-Williamsburg-Long Island City
5) Times Square-Flushing Meadows

Good cash, but threw me completely out of whack. Friday at 430pm EDT begins another episode but until then. And so on.


1 Response to “DK’s Taxi Cab Chronicles (from 3/25/10).”

  1. March 26, 2010 at 4:29 pm

    LMFAOOO at “the illesth listhp”!!! i love reading this crap. and i use “crap” in the most endearing sense.

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