28
Mar
10

DK’s Taxi Cab Chronicles (from 3/27/10).

This was one hell of a tough Saturday night for me…mainly because there wasn’t much in the way of humor so I ended up very disappointed.  It didn’t help that most of the people I picked up were hella lame and I had to make random excursions out of Manhattan at critical junctures of the night.

The Showdown:  I was on Broadway and 33rd street when all I see is this Asian broad tryin to get out of this Indian dude’s cab but he’s blockin her from doing so.  All in the while, he’s on his cell phone probably callin the police?  Anyway she starts kickin him and he grabs her by the arm while she’s tryin to go and shit.  I don’t know if it had to do with her not having enough money or not wantin to pay…but that was one hella odd situation.

Euro-Trip:  This Portuguese girl named Raquel gets on around the Meatpacking (No Homo) District and tells me she wants to go back towards her hotel but changes her mind and wants to go out to a bar nearby there.  Here’s the thing about young Raquel though: she’s wearing jeans & sneakers and thinks that’s gonna get her somewhere on a Saturday night in the MPD.  HELL NO HA.  She’s from Portugal so I get it but dear God ha.  Anyway I go on this mini scavenger hunt to try and find this chick a bar to go to around Penn Station at this 1am time.  I settle on the one on 33rd between 5th and Broadway (can’t remember its name).  We talked for a bit about how she loves California because of the driving, etc nothin interestin at all.  I thought about parkin my cab somewhere & gettin her drunk so I can play DD but devious DK didn’t creep up.

What is with:  This new phenomenon of people livin out in Prospect Park?  I understand trees grow in Brooklyn but fuck.  It’s a nice area don’t get it twisted and it’s nice on the wallet (I got 2 rides of $30 and $25 respectively) but they’re effin annoyin on Saturday nights because of my turnaround without any passengers.

DK’s CAB-Ulary: Flat Rate- If for some random ass reason a customer wants to go anywhere outside of the 5 boros, Nassau or Westchester counties…then you agree on a flat fare that they will pay.  No surcharges, no toll, nothing.  After my SECOND trip of the night to Prospect Park;  I’m on Bowery and around East 3rd street.  My eyes were set on these 4 snowflakes ready to cause a blizzard warning in my cab.  Unfortunately for me, I see an Asian dude right before them.  First come first serve right?  Sigh.  Anyhow he just tells me “Lincoln Tunnel. I give you $50+tip=$60 deal?”  I was initially flummoxed but agreed to it.  I liked how he gave me directions twice ha (example- “Make a right at the light.” then 5 seconds later “At the light make a right please”).  This dude takes me to Woodridge which is on Route 17 whatever the fuck that means.  Thank God I knew the way back pretty well, thanks to my Adidas travels.

The rejection:  After that trip, I was done…or so I figured.  I was gettin back onto the Queensboro Bridge because it was now 4am but I decide fuck it, I’m gonna pick up this dude who looks like he’s tryin to get to Queens (and I was right..he was goin to the Sunnyside section).  He gives me $12 on a $9.50 trip which was pretty dope and then I had a decision.  These 2 broads were hailing a cab on 46th and Queens Blvd.  and normally I’d just let them in without a hitch.  But I really wanted to go home so I asked them where they were goin.  “25th ave and 43rd street Astoria.”  I thought about it for 4 seconds before I told them that I was goin East back home.  Did I feel bad?  I actually did but in this business…you never try to push the envelope for your safety.

It might just be me: When I see someone simply tip a dollar after a $10+ ride I’m not sure why it grinds my gears so much but it does.  It just looks tacky.  I try to envision a bartender givin me 3 shots of Patron and after all of that I leave a dollar on the counter top.  Asians do this to me a lot.  Didn’t they invent the abacus?  Aba-recount your shit.

Shit I overheard: “She’s the kind of girl who wants to still be best friends with her exes like best friends forever.  She still sees one of her exes everyday and has joint custody with him with a dog.”  Mind you this broad that couple was talkin about has a boyfriend.  How the fuck would that make you feel?

Why me?: This lady who’s all grateful that she found a cab is takin me to some Broadway show. FELA I believe.  We get into this conversation about freedom of speech and how she believes that it’s increasing; while I believe that it is too…but it’s a struggle against this censorship but right now we’re winning because we have strength in numbers.  Then she goes on to talk about how 9/11 was preplanned and all this controversial shit.  This is the 2nd time in as many days since I’ve watched the Obama Deception.

Some baboon broad with a green wig cut me off for no reason while having this discussion…and when I cut to the other lane she cut me off again.

This ain’t a grocery store: NO YOU CANNOT PAY WITH 2 CREDIT CARDS WHAT THE FUCK?? This chick asks me if she can pay her portion of the cab now and then when the ride is over her friend can pay for the other portion.  In theory it makes sense.  Not all theories however are cared for.

I know it’s cold but…is it THAT SERIOUS that you have to take a cab from 3rd avenue and 16th street to 2nd avenue & 14th street?  Then is it serious again to take one from 14th and 2nd to 5th and 2nd?  At the end of the day those 2 trips combined got me $13 but dear God.

Blonde Moment: This blonde broad (duh) after paying for my cab just walks out without closing the door.  Keeping traditions alive.

When will they learn?: Whiteboy Wasted gets in my cab and is goin to 34th and 1st.  I drop him off there and AS I’M PULLIN INTO THE NEAR LEFT CORNER he’s tryin to tell me that he’s on the far right corner.  Nope, not with 4 lanes…walk it out boy.  I was crusin down 8th street off-yellow cab and he asks me “where are you takin me?” CROSSTOWN TO 1ST AVE SO YOU CAN CRASH & SEE HOW YOU PROBABLY SPENT $50 ON 4 DRINKS JACKASS.

Taste of your own medicine: I was on 71st street between Broadway & West End Avenue where this guy was trying to park.  These 2 black dudes tho try and steal this spot though which leads to the M.D gettin out of the cab.  I don’t know what they were arguing about but all I see is the M.D dude pull out a badge and say “BLACK-AW”.  I am not joking.  I was in tears for 20 seconds.

Why are some women’s voices so deep?  Not necessarily manly because they have the feminine tone and I know they have breasts & vaginas but just curious.

I think this broad and a tranny were tryin to hail a cab and they got the one right before mine.  God is good.

That’s it for today.  Pretty frustrated even though I made my goal for the day.  Sunday 430pm EDT begins another tale.  And so on.

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3 Responses to “DK’s Taxi Cab Chronicles (from 3/27/10).”


  1. 1 M. Wright
    March 28, 2010 at 3:02 pm

    lmfao@that Portuguese chick

  2. 2 M. Wright
    March 28, 2010 at 3:14 pm

    lmfao and Route 17 is my main back road to get to Mahwah, Upper Saddle River, etc. I was out that way this weekend. You should’ve gotten $100 for that trip ha.

  3. March 28, 2010 at 4:07 pm

    ha oddly enough according to my rate book, a trip to Woodridge is only supposed to be $48 from the city.


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