DK’s Taxi Cab Chronicles (from 3/30/10).

When it rains it pours.  The money that is.  It’s a love/hate relationship driving in the rain for sure.  On the one hand, you’ll get people who’d normally walk 5-10 blocks hop in a cab and be willing to pay $6 or so to stay drier.  On the other hand…as awful as people driving here are, they become 10 times worse when it rains so you gotta be HELLA careful.  For example, I was turnin on 55th street at 1st avenue and from what I saw, someone had gotten hit by a car…I believe by a gypsy cab.  Hope the dude was okay.

The Art of Gettin “Nigg’d”:  Rather than saying that I’m gettin Jew’d out of my money because to be fair they tip well; this goes out to my fellow “bruthaz n sistuhz”.  I pick up this young black couple on 52nd and 7th and they goin to Penn Station.  They ask me immediately how much it’s gonna cost.  Man I don’t know I haven’t even turned the meter on but it won’t cost more than $7.  Then the chick asks me why don’t cabbies pick up black people.  Expected, so I briefly get into it and they know the answers too.  Twitter.com/RevRunWisdom moment.  Then she asks if the cash cab actually exists.  IT’S ON TV SO YES ha.  $5.90 ride to Penn Station.  I get $6.  I got nigg’d once again.  Oh the irony.

The Twilight Zone:  I get it.  You tell me to drop you off on 9th avenue and 14th street.  I arrive there and you’re just starin at me like you got hypnotized.  “9th and 14th right?”  “Yeah I guess.”  God help me.

Grinding My Gears:  These 2 tourist broads who I had no idea what on God’s green earth they were saying get in and I just tell them “Look, you got the hotel information?” They were tellin me about some hotel.  It sounded like E.T garble.  The fare came out to $7.10 and I get $7.25.  Don’t even bother ha…but I mean tourists don’t really know what the deal with paying is so you can’t get too mad about it.

I had to go to Brooklyn FOUR times today.  I don’t know what it is lately with my cab.  Three trips to Williamsburg and one trip to Brooklyn Heights.  I don’t mind that too much especially on a Tuesday night but that has got to be a record especially cosidering I only had 15 or so trips today.

I saw an Indian-Asian couple and picked them up.  From a tipping perspective that is NYC’s worst nightmare.  I only got 30 cents from a $6.70 ride.  Probably explains why a cabbie passed them.

This one broad somewhat confused me.  If you’re going to Grand Street & Lorimer Street in Williamsburg…why would you hail a cab from the 1st avenue L train station?  Lorimer Street if I’m not mistaken is 2 or 3 stops away.  Oh well if you wanna give me $17 after tip that’s on you ha.

I love my blonde chicks that get in.  This one I pick up on Delancey and Orchard streets and she wants to go to “3rd and 3rd…I mean 33rd and 3rd blah yes that’s it…tongue-twister.”  Umm, not really ha I understand havin to say three a lot can have a Daffy Duck-esque effect on speech but e-nun-ci-ate.  I laughed at her for about 5 seconds before moving on and she discusses the weather zzzz.  Typical “ugh when will this rain stoppppp” kinda deal & she asks me how it has been driving in it.  It’s really not that bad though, the rain has been mainly drizzle.  She just moved from Austin in January so she’s slowly becoming acquainted to the whole NYC deal.  I tell her I’m goin to Texas in 3 weeks and she gets all excited about it…tellin me about the Austin Rodeo and guys in tight jeans & cowboy boots.  Young DK doesn’t care about cowboys.  Them, Dallas Cowboys, Cowboys & Indians the only cows I care about are the ones that produce cheese.  She tipped well.

Total: $9.20
Chick: “Can I get $11…um no oops…can I just get $7 back?”
Mind of DK: Heh heh heh damn right woman.

The person who probably had me rollin the most was this ex-marine who got on at Broadway & Houston.  He tells me “Yeah I saw that cab creepin to the side of you if he had pulled up I woulda told him to go fuck himself  & got in your cab anyway.  You don’t play that kinda shit.”  LMFAOOO I love this guy.  We talk for a bit before he talks to I guess his girlfriend.  He’s hella infatuated with this chick.  He had to had said I love you/I miss you a combined 7 or 8 times.  Aww isn’t that sweet is probably what you’re thinking.  It made me do The People’s Eyebrow.  I’m guessin he is hella determined to be with this woman.  Not Ms. Lewinsky.  I woulda banged Ms. Lewinsky by the way.  Okay DK enough.

My final passenger of the day was this David Spade lookin muh fuh who hails me like he’s tryin to flap a wing.  Told yall Yuppiesburg cats are weird.  Knew from jump that’s where he wanted to go and take him there.  “Make a left at the light” I do that and then I figured I had to make an immediate right.  I didn’t do this though because he didn’t tell me to.  “UGH YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TURN RIGHT AHH…go straight.” You didn’t tell me this bruh.  “I said make a left then a right.”  In what world?  Wayne’s World?  Anyway I go straight, hit Metropolitan Avenue and Union Avenue and we end up there anyway.  I tell him “And it works out anyway how about that?”  Silence.  He snatches the receipt from my hand like I’m supposed to think he’s really David Spade.  The fuck home you clown ha.

Special Wednesday evening edition of the Taxi Cab Chronicles 445pm EDT because I’m takin off on Thursday.  NIT Championship Game (don’t judge me..UNC is in it) and my first Karaoke night performance in a month at Nevada Smith’s.  And so on.


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