Archive for April, 2010

30
Apr
10

DK’s Taxi Cab Chronicles (from 4/29/10).

Long-Haul Thursdays had about a 3 hour delay yesterday because the other dude I drive the cab with was runnin late.  It’s a double-edged sword.

JFK Terminal 4 was the first place I was sent to & I got these two sisters who were heading midtown.  They just got off a flight coming from LAX and typical for people who just land…they ask me about the weather.  Am I Al Roker Jr?  Anyway, we start discussin a variety of topics such as how the houses off the Van Wyck Expressway look to her like San Luis Obispo (a suburb north of San Fran I believe?) though to me they look more like the shits from the show “All In The Family”.  Then we talked about sports..and had a chance to get on her about my Mets sweeping her Dodgers as well as Kanye Shrug her about how her Lakers are struggling.  She sighed believing that they’re not as hungry this year..which is most likely what the problem is anyway.  They feel I have a New York accent & think it’s cute though they explain to me that NYers who move to Cali lose their accents; and in general accents aren’t as noticeable these days because…of reality TV?  That’s a first ha.  They ask me if they have accents & the only thing I could think of is them always saying “ya” and “like” in perfect OC form.

I next pick up this Indian family at that same hotel (The Roosevelt on 45th and Madison) and they want to go to an Indian restaurant on 27th and Lexington.  No it’s not Curry in a Hurry.  The gentleman gave me $11 for a $6.70 ride which was totally unexpected.

Can someone explain to me why on earth would you close 7th avenue at 42nd street?  I thought the construction was finished but apparently it’s not.  It’s a traffic disaster.

Some people have no shame.  I was about to pick up this chick on 7th and 58th and this guy slides in behind her so he could take my cab.  Damn ha.  I agree that chivalry is dead but give chicks 1.3% hope.

I later pick up this broad by the Time Warner building.  Long legged blonde whose hairspray dominated my cab.  I was cruising down 59th street (well not necessarily) and this car stops short on a yellow light and because of this I have to slam my brakes.  The chick tells ME to calm down & relax in a condescending voice.  ME?? LMFAOOO I laughed at her and told her I was perfectly fine.  She got the final laugh by tipping me a dime.  Well not necessarily, I did get one last look of those jeans.  Ehh..nevermind she wouldn’t date anyone shorter than 6’1.

I pick up these two dudes who were going to 84th and 2nd.  You could tell they were just coming from a Happy Hour.  The only noteworthy thing was one of the white boys goin “Aww man that’s my joint Beemer Benz or Bentley that song is hot” as he was finishing his payment to me.  Idk why these things are so hilarious to me.

I’m back around Times Square and I have to fill my black quota for the day.  No I’m kidding, but this dude who looked like a hybrid of the rappers Bonecrusher & Heavy D and his girlfriend hop in and tell me “131 8th avenue”.  I’m sure he meant 131st street and Frederick Douglass but I wanted to double check with him and then he told me “Harlem” so I was good.  Speaking of Bonecrusher, wasn’t he the dude who took his shirt off during MTV Spring Break one year?  WTF happened to him?  I applauded mentally the dude for knowing (sort of) how to tip.  Quite frankly, trips to Harlem don’t bother me…it’s simply having to turn around with no one unless I take the risk.

Word of advice: Don’t go to the “McDonald’s Express” on 125th near St. Nicholas Ave late at night.  That shit turns into the super local.  They got some hella good specials if you’re tryin to gain weight fast though.  For $5 you can get 2 McDoubles, medium fries and a medium drink…or 2 Big Macs.  It says it’s open 24/7 but that’s a farce because they were locking the doors at midnight.  To be fair though, that aforementioned area was rated the most dangerous section of New York City this year.

Me: (Drives down 60th street..sees Asian hailing for cab who tells me to turn right aka the only place I can turn)
Asian: 42nd street. Thank you.
Me: Same avenue?
Asian: Where are we, 9th avenue?
Me: Yeah
Asian: Yeah thas fine.

Don’t you hate when someone gets in a cab and then when they exit that’s when you suddenly realize they had a strange odor the entire time so you have to roll down the window?  Well you wouldn’t know why am I asking yall this ha…but it happened with this kid who was headin all the way down to Bensonhurst (West 8th street) cot damn.  It’s a $30 cab ride but I cheated myself out of a couple of dollars because I had forgotten to turn the meter on from 3rd avenue & 14th street to Avenue C and 6th street.  Fuck ha.

I return to Manhattan & I’m in the infamous Ludlow street area when this gay dude rockin shades & skinny shorts runs up onto me.  I’m weirded out that he asks if he could get into MY cab because there were about 6 empty cabs in front of me…but then out comes 4 chicks so that’s when I was able to get it..they needed a van ha.  One of the girls asks me what my name is…only to tell me that I’m gonna be called Sexy from now on.  Unfortunately for me they would never need to utter my name again.  Singin Rihanna in my ear I felt like I was at a bad Karaoke night at Nevadas.

DK’s Bordello/Bordell..ugh?:  I’m going down 22nd street because I’m thinking to myself that I’m gonna take 7th avenue down, cut east & eventually take the Willamsburg Bridge home.  Mind you, I’m in Chelsea at this point and it’s nothin but dudes holding each other.  Okay fine, expected.  I cross 8th avenue when suddenly this Spanish dude hails me so I stop on a dime and him & his boyfriend/date/I don’t wanna know get in.
“117th and Robert Douglass, Frederick Douglass papi.”
I do that.  I hear kissing in the background.  Focus on the road DK.
“Papi…are you taking the local way?”
Yes because 8th avenue turns into Central Park West and then turns into Frederick Douglass.
“I didn’t know that, ok ok papi.”
Hit some bumps on the road & stop short at times DK.  Brokeback Taxi cannot happen!  Relax kid, they’re gonna pay you and this shit was bound to happen anyway.  You get to go home after this, they won’t invite you so you’re good.

I drop them off.
“How much papi?”
$15.50
“Here’s $15 papi that’s all I got.”
Hope your interest didn’t take that too literally.

I’m not the father.

New episode today at 530pm EDT.  And so on.

28
Apr
10

DK’s Taxi Cab Chronicles (from 4/27/10).

I’m baaaaaaaaack.  Texas was a relaxing change of pace..albeit a temporary one.  Returning to the most hectic city in the world to do the #3 most stressful job in America according to Yahoo!, I was praying that my first day back was gonna be hella chill & I got exactly what I wanted.

JFK is still pretty sluggish.  I was sent to the JetBlue Terminal 5 but was waiting there for literally 45 minutes.  Unfortunately for me, the two passengers I picked up were going to Brooklyn.  Fortunately for me though, they were going to Williamsburg & that means I get to pick up a shortie ticket.  I was listening to the Mets game at the time and the Spanish dude I guess was a Mets fan too so we were listening to that shit.  I got $40+tip=$47 from them which was clutch & made me feel like I haven’t lost my touch ha.

I return to the airport and get sent to Delta’s Terminal 2 which I usually hate because I almost always get shorties from there.  No I’m not talkin about chicks ha otherwise I’d never be bitchin.  Anyhow my passengers are goin to Manhattan but I kinda know one of the dispatchers.  He asks me if I’m comin back to the airport or if I’m done.  Moral DK says he’s done..but had I said I was goin back..he would have given me a shortie ticket anyway even though technically I wasn’t supposed to ha.  When I realized that the passengers I had were basically 5 minutes off the Queensboro Bridge I kicked myself..but only temporarily.

I catch fire because I get three passengers in a row who would give me $11.50.  My 3rd passenger was this chick going to 45th and Madison to this hotel.  My meter had run out of paper & I didn’t have time to reload it so the entire time my retarded meter is beeping.  I tell her not to worry about it.  I do almost get into a wreck though when this minivan tries to cut three lanes to cut me off and make a left turn.  I sort of saw it coming though so I was able to cross over & avoid him but that was a bit worrysome.  The lady tells me that she has never driven a day in her life before and has no idea how people are able to do it..much less cab drivers.  My meter wasn’t really on so she asks me how much it would be.  I tell her $8 and in essence I’m correct because the meter starts at $3.50; I went down 40 blocks (4 street blocks= 1/5ths of a mile so $4) and a crosstown block= 40 cents).  She tips me $4 and then I’m able to put paper in the meter ha.

Where they do that at??:  Black dude hails me down at 16th street & 6th avenue and wants me to take him to 22nd street “my brotha”.  The itis is quite powerful but a quick $4.50 never hurts.  The weird thing was that after I dropped him off he kept walkin & went past 23rd street so I was confused?

In Texas, gas prices fluctuate like crazy.  You can go to one gas station & then another one a couple of blocks over could be 20 cents a gallon more expensive.  Hella irregular.  I come back here to NYC and my gas station’s prices went up 8 cents/gallon aww man.  Also, the DFW cabs which are also metered are a little cheaper.  It costs $2.25 to get in and they charge 20 cents per 1/9ths of a mile..or $1.80 a mile.  Any additional passengers get charged $1 each.

What would turn out to my final passenger of the day took me to Greenpoint & he’s one of em nice folks who ask me how my night is goin.  I tell him I just came from vacation so it sucks being back but whatever..and he asks me where I went.  We talk about DFW a little bit since he’s been there & went for All-Star Weekend (bastard).  Come to find out he’s originally from St. Louis and turned himself into a Knicks fan.  He likes Mike D’Antoni.  Man…he has NO IDEA but he’s learning how to be a basketball fan and us Knicks fans are hella knowledgeable so he won’t have much difficulty.

I waited at LaGuardia Airport for about an hour but when I got there it was almost midnight & was a foolish decision since 99.8% of flights are done by that time so I went home.

Peep the poll question that was inspired by reading the Daily News this morning.  Long-Haul Thursdays begin at 4:45pm tomorrow.  I’m strongly considering no longer working on Thursdays & substituting them with Wednesdays though since I’d rather do a 1-2-1-3 off/on based sked as opposed to a 1-1-1-4 one.  And so on.

20
Apr
10

DK’s Taxi Cab Chronicles (from 4/18/10).

This past Sunday was probably my least productive day of all time.  The streets were dead.

At JFK, activity was once again very slow.  The volcanic eruption in Iceland has been hella burdensome because it has affected so much travel and it even affects the taxi industry here…because no one is coming ha.  One of the advantages to having a minivan however is that if you’re on one of the lines and situated in the front- on occasion the dispatcher will get on the intercom & request for a minivan to come to the office & they’ll give you a ticket right then & there to a terminal; cutting the line.  This also goes for people with wheelchair vans and Spanish-speaking drivers.

With that said, I pulled into the airport at 6 and was walkin around a bit being online on my phone when the dispatcher calls for a minivan.  Jackpot.  I’m in and out of the airport in record time (5 minutes) and go to the infamous Terminal 1.  I pick up this Korean couple who packed as if they were leaving from Kim Jong II.  The broad is rockin some shades & tells me when she gets inside “Can u turn volume down we had very rough day can’t take music noise now.”  Aight fine.  All zzzz on the front and then I drop them off on 29th between 6th and 7th Aves at the Doubletree Hotel.  The dude tries to give me a $100 bill.  ENOUGH WITH THIS $100 SHIT AT THE BEGINNING OF MY SHIFT!  Unlike Saturday night though there wasn’t any place where he could break change so unfortunately for me he had to use his credit card.  It might have been for the best though because he tipped $5.  I don’t know if he would have tipped if he paid in cash.

WTF Moment of the Day:  I just finished droppin off this family over at the Waldorf-Astoria and then I pick up this woman from there.  She tells me to take her to 64th and Riverside BOULEVARD.  HUH?? “Yes it exists I swear..it’s not on Google Maps or anything like that but I promise you it exists.  Just drive to the water.”  Oh okay.  She turned out to be right.  Even though the street signs aren’t up yet, this unnamed road which overlooks the West Side Highway does in fact exist from 64th street-72nd street I believe.  Hella hella nice area by the way.

I hate the RFK Bridge because: It takes away from my tips.  I had two customers that I picked up from LaGuardia Airport and took into Manhattan.  One to 110th and Morningside Drive and the other to 91st street & Broadway.  Both times I had to take that damn bridge.  Both fares came out to around $26 after the toll.  Both broads give me about $3 in tips SMFH.

Good DK vs. Bad DK: In reality I was hella hungry and wanted to stop over at the Chicken & Rice spot on 53rd and 6th avenue to grab a chicken gyro.  However, I ended up in the Union Square area and simply got some Wendy’s.  I ordered my food and this homeless “brutha” asks me if I could buy him something to eat.  Normally I would act as if I didn’t hear him but my intuition told me that the least I could do was help him.  So I finished chompin down on my Double Stack, Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger no mayo & medium fries…and after seeing quite a few people with food pass him by without paying him any mind…I get up, throw my trash out and tell the dude to roll with me.  To be frank, he wasn’t overjoyed or anything like that…but he was quite appreciative.  I told him to order and it’s not as if he wanted to get a Thanksgiving feast.  All he wanted was a 5-piece chicken nuggets and a large Diet Dr. Pepper with no ice.  It only cost $3.35.  I felt pretty good about doing my good deed for the day but it wasn’t as if I did it to show up anyone.  I figure look..if I could spend $5.74 on myself, what’s an extra $3.35?  And to the people that passed him by, I understand yall broke but THAT broke?

I can see their skepticism though…to a degree.  There are a lot of homeless people in the city but some will pose as them and panhandle.  If someone is hungry though & is simply asking for food, I feel much more comfortable buying them that then giving them money…which they could use on anything and could even defeat the purpose.

This white boy waits outside of Taco Bell right after I do this & asks for change so he can get somethin to eat SMFH that dude looked like he might have ran away from home but nothing more.  I gave him 15 cents.

That was all the intrigue on this pathetic Sunday.  We’re on vacation in Texas for the rest of this week but maybe…just MAYBE yall will get a bonus feature while I’m down there.  Next episode is Tuesday April 27th at 4:15pm EDT.  Peep the poll question below. And so on. 

18
Apr
10

DK’s Taxi Cab Chronicles (from 4/17/10).

Bridge & Tunnel Saturdays.  Things that make you go hmm for sure.  Fortunately for me, I only had two trips out of the city with one of them being my last trip of the night.

I always begin my day at JFK but this time I had to wait for two hours at the airport because there was very little activity.  I didn’t pick up my first passenger until around 810pm from Terminal 8 (American Airlines).  Thank GOD they were going to the city to this hotel on 77th and Broadway.  The dude tried to give me a $100 bill.  I told his ass to go to the diner & break change what it look like man.

I pick up these drunk out-of-town couple heading back to the Mariott on 52nd and 3rd avenue and they start cuddlin fallin asleep on each other.  I ain’t got campfire in my cab what yall want me to do, turn the heat on…OUT DAMN IT!!

PSA that NYC natives would know: There is a significant difference between wanting to go to Little West 12th street & West 12th street.  The former can only be accessed via 10th avenue heading south towards the West Side Highway.  How you gonna tell me 12th street and then when I’m on 12th street that yall meant Little.  SMFH.

I was heading down 7th avenue and these Jewish chicks get in my cab headin down to Tribeca.  This was an unmitigated mess because they got in my cab in the middle of the street IN TIMES SQUARE AT A GREEN LIGHT.  I could tell they were drunk as shit because they kept giggling and spewin nonsense initially.  One of them (who I find out later is Jane) talks about how she made out with some boy..yet she got a boyfriend oops ha.  She calls her boyfriend and tells her she’s on her way to meet him and that she loves him. “Do you love meee? Say it back!” You may think you know…but you have no idea.  The blonde one who is “single and ready to mingle” doesn’t talk too much in this adventure.  They want me to put it on 104.3 which is the classic rock station.  Askin me if I know these rock bands I dunno none of them.  Anyhow, Jane and I begin talking about how Jews and Blacks relate to each other so well because of our similar struggle.  Ehh, I halfway agree but that’s an ENTIRELY different topic of discussion.   We’re heading down the West Side Highway now and I overhear Jane say “Well thankfully my mother’s dead!” WTF alcohol is one helluva drug.  For some reason schools were discussed and I mentioned to them since they lived on the Upper East Side that I went to school out there in middle school (St. Bernard’s) and Jane is shocked by all of this.  She asks me if I knew this kid Owen Murphy..the name sounded familiar so I told her I did- he was a few years younger than I.  “Omgggg small world.” Yeah no shit.  She calls her brother and her boyfriend to tell them this shocking development about how I knew this kid.  SMFH.

As they’re getting out the cab they want me to go off-duty and come with them to the club ha.  No I can’t do that because I gotta make my moves of course but she tips me $20 on a $13 ride!  Then she asks me for my number??  Hmm.  I give it to her & she texts me mine.  Then I come to find out that she wants to apply to NYU…UNDERGRAD?!  This chick only 18????  How good is your damn fake ID ha?

The weird thing about people who tell me to go one place & then really mean to go another is that they always feel terrible for giving me the wrong address.  I never feel bad because this typifies that I’m gettin more money from you ha.

I love it when people tell me to take them anywhere on the Lower East Side between 1am-3am because there is a 100% guarantee that I will pick someone right up.  I was coming from 6th avenue after dropping someone off at the Financial District (dead as hell) and pick up these three broads going to Chrystie & Delancey streets.  Perfection.  Standing there laying in wait was this other chick…but she was going to Brooklyn.  Womp womp.  Crown Heights my old stomping grounds as a kid.  NOOOOOO!!  She was goin to Bedford Ave & Montgomery Streets and the place looked really familiar because I would come down there towards the end of the West Indian Day parade.  What this white chick doin livin out there ha?  Gotta black boyfriend?  Nah lemme stop.

I made my return to the L.E.S and picked up this couple wanting to go to Pianos on Stanton & Ludlow.  PRIMETIME.  I made a left on Allen and it looked like beggars on line waiting for their rationed rice and soup.  No soup for you.  I make my turn onto Stanton and this continues.  I think some dude hits the side of my cab mad because I didn’t stop for him.  I have passengers you jackass.  I drop them off at the place and you see two groups of people surrounding my cab.  Three chicks vs. two dudes.  Dudes got there first but then tried to be chivalrous to let the ladies get my cab.  Seemingly they were going for it & then bam the dudes got in.  It turned out to be five of them and one chick.

They first tell me they wanna go to this bar named Dorrien’s.  They claim that it’s on “450 Fashion Avenue” WHAT THE FUCK LMFAOOO who calls 7th avenue that???  I don’t know where this bitch is so I just do as I’m told and take them to this place.  When we get there…it’s a fuckin office building.  That’s all on you, not on me at all.  These people spend 10 minutes conferring to each other as to what the gameplan is gonna be.  They go on their Blackberrys to Google the place..to find out that it’s on 84th and 3rd avenue.  Nice.  VERY NICE HA.  Initially they were gonna get out and then get into another cab so I could go about my way and the dude tries to take out a $20.  But it rips in half yet he tries to give it to me.  “Do you have any tape so I can tape this together & give it to you?”  THE HELL WOULD I HAVE TAPE IN A CAB FOR??  To tape people’s mouths shut if they start gettin wild?  Not a bad idea actually but no man… God forbid someone broke my taillight what, I’ma have tape for that.  People.

Anyhow they decide to get back in my cab and one of them says “Just go down this street.”  Um..okay fine.  I eventually after having to ask these fools four times find out they wanna go to 99 John Street.  The dude I was sitting with in the front bitches about how dirty the streets in NYC are, especially compared to DC.  Well good for you.  They get out of my cab and give me $25…with that same fuckin ripped $20.  Slick fucks.

Cue This: This big girl gets in my cab on Bowery & Houston trying to head back to 51st street & Madison avenue.  She’s rockin one of those happy birthday crowns.  Then…she starts crying in my cab.  Fuuuuuuckkkk really?  At least it’ll help her burn some calories.  But no, I felt bad she shouldn’t be crying much less in my cab.  She gave me $14 for her $10 excursion and I told her to keep her head up.  She smelled funky though, so also keep your arms up as you scrub yourself in the shower next time.

The last mildly entertaining ride for the night was this drunk as fuck Hong Kong native heading to “103 Broadway”.  Wait…so 103rd street & Broadway or 103 Broadway?  I’m not making this mistake again.  “103 street Broadway thank you (bows head…but due to drunkeness).  He asks me where I’m from and if I like the city in the usual broken en-lish I’ve grown to love.  He’s making no sense so I’m not interested in this conversation.  Takes dude about 5 minutes to get out of my cab.  He gives me a $50 and I give him back $38…with the ripped $20 bill as one of those bills.  Too easy.

Today’s episode begins at the conclusion of the Thunder-Lakers game unless it becomes a blowout then just at 5pm.  This will be the last episode until April 27th.  And so on.

17
Apr
10

DK’s Taxi Cab Chronicles (from 4/16/10).

It was most definitely a Long-Haul Friday.  I don’t know what it is about people who get in my cab I swear…they always wanna take me out of Manhattan which isn’t necessarily a bad thing but it is a bit of a nuisance.

My first passengers of the day were these four Europeans who barely spoke a lick of English.  “Where are you going?” “Hotel.”  Okay great.  They showed me the paper with where they wanted to go.  Holiday Inn Express in Maspeth, Queens.  MASPETH?? REALLY?? The hell you gonna do out there unless you’re visiting family?  Your fam must not like you if they got you stayin at a hotel that has a view…of the wall of a highway.

Since that was a shortie, I went back to JFK to Terminal 4 and picked up this lady who was headin to the Upper East Side.  She claims that every time she comes back home that it rains in her honor.  She even was on the phone with a couple of people and she goes “Hey guess how you know I’m here?? It’s raining!”  Umm, I wouldn’t brag too much about that but okay.

These really nice lesbian chicks who I believe are wedding planners are the next people I pick up.  I swear I heard the word like 32 times over the course of this two-stop ride.  They had a slight argument about how to do a sweepstakes zzzz bor-ring.  As I pass through the whole Park Avenue viaduct which was hella crowded one of them goes jokingly “I hope you didn’t take us here on purpose or else you are a bad bad boy! Ha Ha!”  You learn somethin new everyday.

After droppin off this broad at Port Authority this Mexican lady gets in.  She’s real nice & everything except now…I’m goin to Jackson Heights.  You must be joking.  That is the reason why I avoid goin to the PABT because I always get taken out of the boro.  She was tellin me some shit about how she was comin from a 22-hour bus ride in hella broken English.  I didn’t want my concentration broken so I didn’t pay much attention.  I had my GPS on and when I was near her house I was supposed to make a right.  She tells me left.  Then I make the left & she goes “no no sor-i de other way my English no good I’m so sor-i”.  And then to give me a $100 bill on a $32 ride and no tip SMFH.

Then I had yet another Asian buck the trend and actually tip well.  They’re startin to come around.  That was a trip from LaGuardia to Fort Greene in Brooklyn.

Food Spot Of The Day: Maya Taqueria (643 Vanderbilt Avenue in Brooklyn)- Think of Chipotle..but more authentic and better tasting.  I got a Chicken Fajita Burrito ($8.66)  from these muh fuhs and it was slammin.  Although their homemade lemonade is hella expensive ($2.99).

I understand 7th avenue is a disaster…but to close it off at 42nd street and then again at 38th street on a Friday night is just not right.  Just my luck, I had to drop off these Brits at 44th and 7th and then on 31st and 7th.  The first one was fine…but then I had to make this whole roundabout for the 2nd one.  Broadway…which would normally be clutch pre-walkway days is obviously of no use; so I had to go around to 9th avenue to 34th street and then turn right on 34th street.  This turned what would normally be around a $12 fare into a $20 because of the traffic also.

This Justin Verlander look-a-like (if you don’t know who he is, Google it) is next and wants me to take him to Bay Ridge.  DEAR GOD.  That’s about a $35-$40 ride right there.  He was hopin to God that we wouldn’t be stuck in traffic at all and he got his wish.  He asked me if I was gonna take the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel and I told him essentially there’s no point of you paying a toll.  After I dropped him off he gave me the 411 about how this was the first time he ever paid with credit card and my opinion about the machines…which I have already explained on here.

I’m finally back in Manhattan…but not for long.  I pick up these Spanish peeps around 10th street and 3rd avenue headin to Astoria.  Sheeeit- Broadway & Steinway.  Keep in mind last time I was goin out there I kinda got lost…but this time we got the handy-dandy GPS.  They were hella entertaining, one of them was tellin his homegirl that her feet smelled like “BAKALAU” haaa or however you spell that shit.  One of the dudes exclaims “I can go lower than any of yall” and then I joke with them that I should turn the cab around to head towards Christopher Street to “that area” and they all start laughing.  Hot 97 is on and they’re playin some fist pump shit.  I begin fistpumpin with them once again.  “C’mon Taxi AHH AHH AHH AHH” maybe he should be a radio personality.  That ride was cool.

I pick up a dude from the Whiskey Library and take him towards 6th avenue.  We get into a discussion about the taxi cab business & as most people are…he was shocked about how much actually goes into it.  The more you know (insert NBC star here).

I head to the Meatpacking District for no real reason & I pick up these three Spanish ladies.  What is with me & the Latinos today ha?  They originally tell me that I’m goin to Fort Greene & I do…but then the next stop is Sunset Park & the final one Bay Ridge.  I felt like I was in high school I swear.

I should have went home from there but I returned to Manhattan & was on the Lower East Side.  I pick up…you guessed it…2 Spanish dudes & they’re goin to 100th street between Columbus & Amsterdam.  Them cats were HELLA drunk and within 10 minutes were both slumped n snorin on my damn chair SMFH.  I wake em up and one of them is droolin all over himself.  No drool was on my car I doublechecked.  It took em about 10 minutes to get up & out.

I’m on 58th street heading to the Queensboro Bridge and I see a couple dudes hailing for a cab.  I have my off-duty lights on and make a split second decision to turn them off & pick them up.  Probably not a good idea…and I turned out to be right as they wanted to go uptown to 116th and 8th avenue (which is really Frederick Douglass Boulevard).  They were high and drunk as shit which is of no surprise considering it was around 430 in the morning.  Normal ride up to where I drop them off.  The fare is $11.10.  The white boy gives me a $30 and mumbles something.  I’m not sure what he was sayin so I turned around…I didn’t know if he was tellin me how much he wanted back or whatever.  Why would you give me $30 I have no clue.  The Indian dude he’s with suddenly tells me “What you lookin at him for, give us the money & we’ll tip you accordingly if we want to…don’t do that kind of shit bro.”  WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKIN ABOUT HA?  I didn’t say shit because talkin to a person whose shirt was 3/4ths unbuttoned is like talkin to horse manure on Central Park South.  I gave white boy the $19 and just hoped they got out which they did.  Don’t get smart with me like that though.  Tell your boy to learn some math ha.  Had he just given me the $20 I wouldn’t have been as confused.  But a $20 crumpled with a $10?  Come on…”BRO”.

I got home at 530 this morning.  New episode begins today at…530pm EDT.  And so on.

16
Apr
10

DK’s Taxi Cab Chronicles (from 4/14/10).

Better late than never right?  I was too lazy to type yesterday so thus shall it be.

I was much more focused this Wednesday than I was the night before.  I was in a really good mood for the vast majority of the day.

I made this snowbunny hop onto the curb though.  It was half my fault half the dude who hailed me fault.  I was coming down 7th avenue and around the middle lane when I see dude hail me down.  I go over to the far left…but as I’m crossing 14th street THAT’S when he wants me to turn?  Umm..how is that gonna work?  I had to back up ON 7th avenue and then make the left it was weird.  Some dude that was on the curb then tells me “you need to formulate a better strategy on how to do that.”  What is this, science class shut the fuck up conio.  No I don’t know how to do that fancy spanish N.

These Asians surprised me by takin a cab from Penn Station to St. John’s University and actually tipping 25%.  Then again though they were the very American versions.

The last dude who got in my cab was delayed from Las Vegas for an hour but was still upset about it ha.  He was goin into Brooklyn and we didn’t talk much…until the Rockies’ walkoff HR got us both upset.  Yes, I listen to Mets games sometimes on the radio.  How I do it…I don’t know.  He tells me that he doesn’t follow baseball much anymore and hates the Yankee Bandwagon Universe.  I respect that.

DK’s CAB-Ulary: Williamsburg West- The stretch on Ludlow Street between Houston & Delancey Streets on the Lower East Side.

Wednesday was extremely boring..which also explains the delay.  New episode tonight beginning at 5pm.  And so on.

14
Apr
10

DK’s Taxi Cab Chronicles (from 4/13/10).

Yesterday happened to be “Interactive Tuesday” where people decided to be in talkative moods.  I also think my hearing is startin to fade…either that or my attention span is significantly decreasing.

I made THREE fuckups yesterday…but neither time I was yelled at them for it:
1) Thought I Heard- 8th avenue and 33rd street.  What It Actually Was- 5th avenue and 33rd street
2) Thought I Remembered Hearing- 88th street and Madison.  What It Actually Was- 88th street and Lexington.
3) Thought I Heard- 7th between 2nd and 3rd avenue.  What It Actually Was- 77th between 2nd and 3rd avenue.

Fortunately for me each person corrected me extremely quickly but damn what the fuck is wrong with me ha.  Mind you my radio was very low too so it probably was just a case of my memory being way out there.  They didn’t make big deals of these because I corrected myself on two of them..and the other one I dropped them off a little ways away but on the same side of the street.

This Christina Aguleria tanned cloned chick who was visiting from Paris via Los Angeles gets in my cab and tells me to take her to Mulberry Street.  She doesn’t know the area so she asks me how far of a walk that is from near the Empire State Building.  I tell her it’s about 45 minutes or so & she says that’s nothing because people in Paris walk around a lot.  The more you know?  Anyhow, she tells me I look like Jay-Z (head goes down in defeat) and she knows I get that all the time.  At least I used to..God Bless growing facial hair.  I tell her that I’d only make that walk if I was drunk & she starts laughing.  I mean, what am I gonna look at here that’s scenic?  Nothing.  Then we go off-topic and discuss how she thinks everyone in NYC is fat.  WHAT ON EARTH??  She did pull a no offense on the slick at me ha.  “There’s so much good food over here I’d be scared to live here because I’d gain so much weight.”  (Insert The Rock’s Eyebrow here).  Yes the food here is amazing but you also have Whole Foods, Trader Joe’s, your vegan shit; you can eat extremely healthy in Manhattan at least (though I’ll admit all bets are off when you get into the outer boros).  She tells me about how embarassed she’d be if she ever went over a size 0 or 00.  I’d be embarrassed if I turned women into pancakes.  The chick goes on to show me this french pill that makes her shit like a racehorse (I can’t remember the name) and how you’re only supposed to eat things cooked in hot water.  Good luck with that Missy.  I drop her off on Broadway & Spring because she saw a couple of stores she wanted to visit.

I pick up this Belgain family next and the mother sits next to me & starts talking.  She’s in awe of how much shopping there is in Soho but that they were only able to check out three stores because the daughters were basically on Cloud 9.  The mom asks me basic questions about Manhattan and what spots are best for food, shopping, etc.  She tells me she thinks Times Square is too touristy.  Understatement of the century right there…however that their next mission was to shop at Macy’s.  They were supposed to get to 9th and 36th streets when as I’m about to turn onto 9th avenue they forgot they had an appointment at the Wellington Hotel on 7th avenue & 55th street.  Excellent up in DK’s World.  She then takes out her camera & starts taking the most random pictures of really nothing.  A bar, street traffic and this hella nice building on 8th and 55th street. I got $20 from them.

This dude who sounded like he was straight outta West Texas got in n tol um dat I’ma go upta 88th n Lexin-tun.  We talked about random shit such as how cops rarely pull over people in the city (which is true; you have to do somethin really fucked up- or Drive While Black in a hella nice car).  Then I told him about how cabbies get in the most trouble for being on their phones or bluetooths and I asked him if it would bother you as a passenger if a cabbie were to be on his phone.  His response: “Well it’d bother me more if it was in one of em languages I ain’t kno bout than if it was that French which I know.  Da truth will setcha free.”  Lmfao what on earth?  “I cans understand French on da bizness side of thangs buh after that I gets lost.” I told him I know Haitian-Creole which is the off shoot.  “So ya can speak French?”  NOOOOOO ha.

Reason why I hate pickin up my people part 327249:  Red light.  8th avenue & 30th street.  Black woman with her 4 year old daughter both hailing for a cab…can’t leave them hanging of course.  “We’re going to Brooklyn.  Take 7th avenue down.”  Very specific directions thank you.  They give me the directions one by one in a hella slow manner which I guess is okay…but I have a GPS.  Ultimately I drop them off in Fort Greene on the corner of Washington & Gates Avenues.
Fare: $20.70.  Payment: $20.
Her: “Thank you very much.” Me- “…..no problem…”
Her: “Do you have change for $100.”
My Brain: What it look like??
My Mouth: No I don’t sorry.
Her: Oh.  (reaches for purse and gives me 3 quarters).  Thanks again.
Me: Yep.

Some fat black broad was under the bridge and tried hailin me down fuck outta here bitch I ain’t goin to the projects.  My off-duty light was on and you can see her lower portion of the stomach as she had her arm up.  No more reaching for cookies that better had been practice for Yoga.

I was on 6th avenue around Washington Place and two people were hailing for a cab.  One of the taxis was in front of me but in the lane to my left so he cuts in front of me to pick up the white girl…even though he was closer to the black dude.  I go around him to pick up the black dude who is going to Brooklyn (what else).  Really nice guy though.  He has a request for what he wants to listen to which is 106.7 Lite FM.  Odd because I hadn’t heard that station in ages.  As I’m tuning into the station for him on KTU they’re playin 50 Cent and he tells me “Turn that up man that’s 50 Cent!!”  Who would NOT know that lmfao.  Anyhow I get it to Lite FM and he’s singing with the music ha.  Very interesting.  Once I get over the Bridge he tells me how he is a 50-year (lifelong) Downtown Brooklyn resident and shows me where the 911 building is (it’s near Flatbush Avenue & Tillary Street).  I never knew that & found it to be hella interesting- it’s extremely secure as you would expect it to be and only if you have government ID can you enter..much less sniff the building.  He gave me $15 on a $11.10 ride because I turned the meter off.

My cab was acting up yesterday because my system rebooted on its own three times last night.

I was at LaGuardia Airport for my final trip and I picked up these women who were headin to Richmond Hills.  Perfect since that’s close to the Van Wyck & fairly close to home.  They had HELLA bags of shit they were loading into the cab.  Most of the time I would help them but they had this flight guy who was loading most of their bags in there so I figured okay I’m gonna wait inside.  The cab dispatcher who got one of those short man squeaky voices knocks on my window “You see em ladies wit em bags & you not gon help em?  Come on dawg” Umm, there was a dude helping them already and the bags the ladies actually were loading in were like 10 pounds and that same dude was helpin to put them in.  Vision is 20/20.    So I get up to close my door when one more 60 pound bag comes in that the flight guy brings in.  I look at the taxi dispatcher & tell him “Happy…dawg?” and get in.  I’m an asshole sometimes.  The ladies gave me $20 because they needed help taking the bags out clearly and THAT’S when I come in.

Not a bad day by any stretch.  New episode today at 5:05pm EDT (pushed from Thursday to today to accommodate for a friend’s birthday tomorrow).  And so on.