03
Apr
10

DK’s Taxi Cab Chronicles (from 4/2/10).

Last night was definitely a tale of two halves.  My 6pm-10pm portion I was on a roll…but then after 11ish even though they were still goin good people began taking me out of my way & my patience nearly fell apart.

It’s a family affair:  My cab must have been the soccer mom van because I had four separate occasions where I had to take families to certain places.  For instance, my first family I picked them up on 20th and 1st avenue and they were headin down towards the Financial District.  The guy begins talkin to me about how he’s a visual person and breaks out his iPhone to show me a map of where he needs to go.  Clutch.  He goes on to talk about Washington DC, cabbies & how people don’t know how to act.  He, like myself, doesn’t understand why people ride motorcycles in Manhattan.  $14+tip= $16 isn’t too bad.

So you want a jackpot eh:  I make a U-Turn heading back north and I pick up this 60-something year old lady who’s goin to Fulton & Broadway.  Immediately she goes to talk about the Powerball Jackpot of $103 million & how she wants to win it.  Don’t we all?  But out of curiosity…have you ever heard of someone under 35 winning a huge jackpot?  It’s almost always the ones who are like 45 and up ha.  “I want to just go to work one week after winning and tell everyone how I really feel about them!” she exclaimed.  When you got money…you can say whatever you want which is true.  I won a jackpot of $7 from her ride.

Are you out of your mind:  I’m goin up Church street right after that woman & this dude gets in my cab essentially wanting to go up 6 blocks north.  Are you really that late to your dinner?  Then he pays by credit card for a $4.40 ride you have got to be joking me.  More proof that the itis is not limited to black people…I credit this to the Obama phenomenon.  It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white.

I can’t understand ya:  After droppin off a well-disciplined Spanish family who gave me $20 to go from Bowery & Canal to Penn Station…I pick up this Asian chick by the end of the block.  She probably just finished taking the MegaBus…yes that $1 bus and wants to head to Brooklyn over “Brooklin Bigggge”.  I figured that she’d want me to take 7th avenue all the way down to Chambers…but she wanted me to take the West Side Highway.  I see her point, it is faster at that time (around 745pm) but it would cost her more money.  Oh well.  Anyway, she’s tryin to converse with me at points but all I can hear is Liu Kang noises when he does his bicycle kicks.  Finally I get to her house and a $21 ride is greeted…with a $1 tip.

Nice weather today: Fuck you too I have to drive in it.

I was takin this family over to Dos Caminos on Park Avenue South between 26th and 27th streets and I saw this couple kissin & being all over each other on a red light in a motorcycle.  I saw they were both wearing heels and had long hair.  Yes, it was what I thought it was.  No, it was not a GoDaddy.com commercial.  I was distracted for quite a bit and then the light turned green.

Houston we have a problem:  After some uneventful rides and even being sent back to the Financial District, I drop this kid off around Cooper Square and then go to park my car so I can grab food.  One of my windows was open so I go to put the key in so I can roll that one up.  My other passenger window somehow though decides to roll itself all the way down & not come back up again.  What the fuck?  All my other windows were working fine.  Now, I have to go off-duty when I finish eating & head to a garage to get the problem fixed.  No problem right?
Well no…it only took about 20 minutes or so to fix the problem…but now I’m $350 lighter in the pocket.  $350 just for a fuckin power window that fucked up???  They had to switch the entire panel fuck my life.  Dude told me it could always be worse…like $4,000 for a new transmission or a car that was basically totaled in an accident and the job costs $9,000.  But god damn.  Not everything is peachy peachy but if it were to happen to me…better off now right?  I wasn’t even all that upset because I was mainly in disbelief.

I didn’t know this: This black mother and her 2 kids both under 13 get in my cab going to Brooklyn which is fair enough.  They weren’t too far from the Manhattan Bridge which is fortunate because I was fearin the worst of course…like goin to Crown Heights or some shit ha.  Anytime there’s kids that get in the car I turn the radio down because I don’t want them hearing that Trey Songz invented sex…you want them to still believe they come from storks and they’re delivered to the front door.  The mother tells me to “pump it up back there”.  Yes, that’s what she said.  She tipped non-niggerishly too.

The Gift & The Curse:  I was heading down 2nd avenue and I always tell myself that if I don’t pick up anybody before Houston Street that I’m gonna head over there…yet that never happens.  This time I was stopped at a red light on 5th street and I was the only open taxi at the time.  I saw a black woman & Spanish woman walking up towards my cab.  “Ugh…I’m gonna have to go out of boro now.” is what’s running through my head.
“2 stops.  One on 120th street between 1st and 2nd and the other one in the Bronx.”
GAHHHHHHHHH!!!
My eyes literally popped open because I heard the X but I needed to recoup and tell them that I was up for it.  They didn’t mean any harm so I make the trek.  First trip was no problem…but then the 2nd one I find out she’s going to Pelham Parkway.  I have NO idea where that is ha.  I’m supposed to hop on the Harlem River Drive I think and get onto the Cross Bronx Expressway.  I probably could have gotten onto the Willis Avenue Bridge and get on the Deegan too to 95…but I didn’t know.  The lady was a bit confused too.  I fucked up the first time so I had to go around the block.  Lo and behold…hella police activity near a Chinese food store and it looked like someone got shot or some shit.  East Harlem…great.  The total ride came out to $41 and I got $45 which is nice…but the worst part about the X is the long drive back without a passenger.  Plus those rides are exhausting and put your mood off for the rest of the night.

I don’t know if it was on purpose or anything like that but these 3 people get in my cab and are doing the two stops bullshit.  My first stop was 37th and 1st and I figured that’s fine because I can make the quick left and go up 3rd avenue because the other kid needed to get off at 82nd and Lex anyway.  “Far right corner please.” Fuck my life.  Nothing wrong with going up 1st avenue though so I take it to 83rd street, go crosstown and go down 82nd.  “Near right corner please.” Ugh.  They tipped well so I don’t know why this bothered me so much ha.  I think I was just tired.  I picked up these Japanese people next and they smelled like rice.

Deal of the Day: There’s a bar called The Patriot located on Chambers Street between I believe Church and West Broadway.  They had $2 PBRs and $6.50 pitchers at the time I was passin through there.  Can’t go wrong with that.

DK’s Bordello:  I’m pretty sure I’m gonna come across one night where people make out so passionately that clothes will come off.  It bothers me because I need to make out with a broad ha.  Usually these people suck at tipping but this couple got it right.  I gotta find an R&B CD and blast it when couples who start kissin like that get inside.  Not each other I mean in my cab.

Euro-Trash:  I love my Europeans but dear God that smell of alcohol coming from this group of 5 British people nearly suffocated me.  Alcohol-induced asthma?  Almost ha.  Then on my last ride of the night these other Europeans (I couldn’t make out what nationality they were) come in and all I smell is underarm.  I don’t know if that’s supposed to be an aphrodisiac but this is America.  They both netted $20 rides though but the windows had to go down after each one.

This sexy as fuck blonde gets in my cab & I contemplated hitting on her.  But she was hittin on her Blackberry, she hit me with a 10 cent tip on a $9.90 ride and suddenly that plump ass of hers looked a little flatter to me.  She was by far the most disappointing person I ever picked up in my life.  Plus I’ll never understand why people tell me to drop them off on a corner and then walk a block to their final destination when I coulda drove you there ha.  But it makes sense.  I understand you’re a dime but you’re playing the part too literally.  What is this, 1997 Sprint ha?

I went up Orchard Street after DK’s Bordello and you hear this kid go “YO!” I scream “YO!” back ha and he enters the cab with these three Asian broads.  To most people he would look like a pimp.  I however was disappointed in his selection.

Money-wise it was a good night…well outside of the big L I took.  Later today at 430pm begins a new chapter.  And so on.

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1 Response to “DK’s Taxi Cab Chronicles (from 4/2/10).”


  1. 1 M. Wright
    April 3, 2010 at 3:41 pm

    LMFAO


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