DK’s Taxi Cab Chronicles (from 4/3/10).

Not the easiest of Saturdays in regards to money-making.  I fell way short of my goal but I had forgotten that Sunday was Easter so your usual Bridge & Tunnel crowd stayed at home.  However, it was nothing short of entertaining.

My first passenger of the day was a Mets fan who just flew in from Orlando.  I had gotten cut off by not one but TWO cabbies as I was heading into the terminal (they both got Manhattan trips) and he took me into Fresh Meadows.  We discussed the state of the team (which is obviously a mess) and also how his flight ran out of gas so they had to refuel in Philadelphia.  How convenient.  He had recently gotten laid off too which is a shame but his company told him that there’s a chance he may find something again…in January.  Ouch.

“Rua de Oeste 32 Broadway”.  Oh 32nd and Broadway.

Asians & won dolla tips for the loss as usual.

This Irish couple hail me down around Times Square and want to head towards the Port Authority Bus Terminal.  They ask me if this was the cash cab SMFH.  Although this time the joke was on me.  Apparently someone who was in my cab before had dropped some money and it was $40 so the lady told me of this and that it was theirs now.  Well…would you look at that?  I’m surprised that they told me of this…had I found it I would have said nothin.  Anyhow, you had the usual husband-wife wisecracks and the guy was talking to me about accents because he noticed that I don’t have one even though I was born in Brooklyn.  He liked how articulate I sounded ha.  Then we went over which accents were the best and worst.  He told me that the South African was the sexiest…not that I would really know ha.  I told him I had no clue for my sexiest but the most grating were Staten Island/Long Island and Boston ones.  He thought the most grating were the hood accents…or to put it nicely “vernacular English”.  I learned a new quote from them though I can’t wholly remember it.  It went something like “At the barrel of the barn” someone who is Irish help me.  They gave me one of the $20s they found as my $8.10 and told me to keep it.  Such a win.  Again named the nicest cab driver.

Picked up this Asian chick who had been waiting for the bus to go between 11th and 12th avenue for a half-hour.  That is the state of the MTA for you.  “MTA Bus are ridiculous.”  You ain’t ever lie.

Now usually when I pass through Madison Square Garden & Penn Station…there are either the B&T’s or the Knicks/Rangers crowd.  This was the remix however…hella black people and why?  The circus is in town.  Not the UniverSOUL circus but the Barnum & Bailey one.  I was reluctant I’m not gonna lie but I picked up this group of 7.  They had 4 kids with them though and I had the strangest feeling that they weren’t gonna take me too far out the way.  I was right…they were going up to 3rd avenue between 72nd and 73rd?  Where they get that hookup at??  This broad & this dude were talkin loud as shit initially which sounded like a conversation over BBM.  I was 3 seconds away from closing my partition because I frankly didn’t want to hear it.  Where were the gypsy cabs when you needed them?  Unsurprisingly on a $13.70 ride I got $14.  The first of the month was on Thursday.

This Mos Def lookin nigga with a fedora who I picked up around 79th street and 2nd avenue I could barely see him.  I think he knew this…because he was waving his arms up like he used to work as a traffic controller.  I swear, all I saw was a shadow.  He was that black.

I was goin down 7th avenue near Times Square yet again & I hit a jackpot…five Swedish ladies.  The Easter (Snow)Bunny came early.  Anyway they were headin downtown to this spot on 281 Lafayette Street and they started singing in my car.  “Dancing Queen” by whoever the fuck it was (I cannot remember) and some ABBA.  They told me what ABBA stood for but again…I don’t remember.  I swear I don’t have Alzheimers but I don’t think me knowing who ABBA is or what it stands for will expand my musical knowledge that much.  They did tell me though that it also means a tuna fish company in Sweden huh what?  They wanted me to sing some 80s.  My vocals are nothing to be desired so silence.

After I dropped those broads off, I took a bathroom break at Puck Fair and picked up a bomb ass chicken gyro on Houston & Lafayette.  These three fly ass chicks get out of a cab & one of them immediately tells me “that cabbie was fucking insane.”  I told them they shoulda rode with me “That’s riiiightttt” one of them said.  Then they kept bitchin to each other about how he was tryin to hit on them ha.

I picked up these black chicks headin to the Theater at Madison Square Garden.  One of the broads said “The-Ay-Ter” haaaaaa.  They gave me $9 and I unintentionally gave them back $9.  I meant to give them back $10 because it was a $9.10 fare.  Oops.  That is as close to 40 acres & a mule as I will get in regards to reparations for most of my people’s poor tipping.

I pick up another entertaining middle-aged Jersey couple on 7th avenue South after I inadvertently had turned my off-duty light on so I missed picking up this blonde.  The “My Chick Bad” song was playin and when Ludacris said “I come out swingin like Tiger Woods’ wife” they were in hysterics.  My eyes bugged out and I didn’t know they were actually paying attention to the radio.  So that ignites conversation about the NCAA tournament and who won, etc.  Both the husband & wife prefer if the 7-point underdogs Butler won tomorrow night.  I tell them that my bracket was blown to smithereens and how as you get older, even though you supposedly have more knowledge of the game…your brackets get worse.  The lady told me that one year she did a bracket based on whoever played closer to home ha.  Her gambling claim to fame was pickin 17 games & going down a column A/column B zig zag and getting 15/17 right.  You see what I mean??  They give me $10 on a $7.30 ride because they told me to turn the meter off early lmao.

I was rollin along and then the buzzkill trip…162nd street & Fort Washington Avenue up in the Heights thanks to this gay Spanish dude.

Some chick and her boyfriend get in later on in the night and are going to Greenpoint.  Hot 97 & DJ Big Ben is on and the Drake “Over” song is playing.  “Do you mind turning it up??” Aight no doubt.  The broad begins singin the chorus and her boyfriend has no idea who any of these artists are so she schools him briefly.  Then Nicki Minaj comes on and she tells him that she loves her.  SMFH.  Bobbin her head to that shit.

This white chick tries to open a cabbie’s door but he kept the door locked.  Not sure if he was off-duty because he was perpendicular to me on Houston Street going west but she banged on his window and he began pulling off as she was holding on to the handle.  She was actually able to hold on for a bit before she fell in what seemingly was a time-warped fall.  My mouth was agape ha I couldn’t even laugh because I had just finished picking up this British chick from Ella Lounge.  She in her British language told me how trash the place was and I was in hysterics.  “It was tragic” HAAAAAAA.  She told me she was tipsy off wine but then she said the word husband.  AHHHHHHH! ha.  She was a cougar who was probably close to 40.

I was about to go home and was a half-block away from the Williamsburg Bridge when I picked up this group of 6 who were going to Brooklyn Heights.  This chick comes & sits in the front so we begin talking.  I learn that she had been an actress (I just looked her up on Google…this is verified fact) and had been working on the Annie national tour when she was younger.  Pretty interesting shit.  I learn that she’s Australian…well with a name like Addison Jayne (her first 2 names) yeah you definitely are.  She says shit like “wicked”, “rad” and “amazepants”.  Amazepants??? WHERE THEY DO THAT AT HA?  We conclude that the Jersey B&T’s are much more tolerable than the Long Island B&Ts by far.  She shook my hand with her left…though.

I got home at 5:30 in the morning but I’m gettin ready to hit the airport again probably around 5ish.  And so on.


1 Response to “DK’s Taxi Cab Chronicles (from 4/3/10).”

  1. 1 M. Wright
    April 4, 2010 at 5:54 pm

    Yeah man.. I hate having to go anywhere west of 8th ave, because the buses (and obviously the subway, as it doesn’t run west of there until you get to Harlem) neglect 9th-12th avenues. Add to it that the MTA is cutting service seemingly daily and all the re-routing and “construction” and it amounts to 30-60 minute waits for buses.

    I go through this DAILY, so I empathize with that chick.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: