DK’s Taxi Cab Chronicles (from 4/4/10).

You would think on an Easter Sunday things would be relaxed.  Well…not so much.  As a cabbie you know that something is bound to set you off, you try to remain calm about it; then you finally come down from it & someone else lights the fuse.  But then everything is all good after that ha.  I’ll have to skip some short tales for now so you can see how it all transfired:

I had just dropped off two people going to 52nd and 10th avenue from the 5th avenue area.  Normally what I do is take 7th avenue from there all the way down until I pick someone up…but I decided on a whim that I would take 9th down to 44th street, turn left and then get on 8th avenue.  On the corner of 45th street this Jamaican couple hails for me and I go ugh shit…because I was the only cab on the block.  The girl tells me that they’re goin to the Bronx by Yankee Stadium.  You know how I feel about the Bronx I was NOT feelin this at all but I did it anyway.  They get ALL the way to the back so they can sit in the couples’ lounge of DK’s Bordello.  Black people don’t make out publicly though 99.9% of the time so that’s good.  They’re talkin really low though when I ask for directions…like they were Kenny from South Park.  After making all these twists & turns to get to their apartment…their $24.70 ride is greeted…with $25.
I’m not even upset at them though…it’s that I’m pissed that I’m in the Bronx and I don’t know my way back.  The Bronx is strange in that you can’t really just retrace your steps & go back.  They didn’t even ask me if I knew my way back or nothin you ungrateful niggas.  Anyhow…I get lost in the Bronx and wind up on the east side of that bitch near the Bruckner and this whole disaster takes about 25 minutes for me to finally figure out.  Now I’m pissed.
When I finally got to around Times Square I had picked up this foreign couple and they were going to 5th and 27th street.  Going down 7th avenue I had noticed that they had closed off 34th street or something strange was going on…so I figured to make a left on 36th street and take 5th avenue down.  ALL OF 34TH WAS CLOSED WEST OF 8TH AVENUE IT SEEMED LIKE.  Now, don’t get me wrong..I wasn’t 100% right in this but I was on the far right lane and on 35th street people can turn right.  But I needed to go straight.  As I’m FINALLY after 8 or so minutes able to do so to move a grand total of 30 feet, this Indian dude starts yellin at me.  I finally got my spark I needed so I blacked out on him.  Yes ladies & gentlemen I had my nigga moment.  He told me some shit about how I saw the intersection was blocked & I was blockin traffic myself (which I kinda wasn’t but kinda was).  Some words were exchanged & I told him where you want me to go with people who need to go down 5th?  When he had no answer & just kept repeating himself I went “Huh? Huh? Thought so bitch!”  Then they go into online dictionary mode.  “Fuck you fuck you” and I called him a faggot.  This time, not at the Apple Store & not landing me into trouble with anyone.  He gave me the finger.  If I had to go crosstown I probably woulda jihad’ed his ass.  Praise be to Allah.  The passengers got out and walked the rest of the way but paid me as they should.

Back to the show.

The first passengers I picked up were going to Whitestone.  The last time I was in Whitestone was for this ill-fated party sometime last year but before that…God only knows.  The one thing I will never forget about that place though is Cherry Valley yum yum.  The best sandwiches in the nation.  Anyway, it felt like a St. Francis Prep rewind for me because the dude graduated there in 1998 and the 2 broads who were in there went to Cardozo and graduated around 96 and 97.  Fuck they make me feel young.  But it’s all good.  $29+tip=$40 for the win & return back to JFK.  They tell me cabbies hate going to Queens.  I love it.

Have you ever heard of the “Radio City Apartments”?  I have not in my entire life until today.  This couple I pick up at Terminal 4 tell me they’re going there.  I needed an address.  “You know where Radio City Music Hall is?  It’s on top of there.”  WHAT THE FUCK??  Finally I did get an address & no it’s not on top of the Music Hall you grade A jackasses it’s on 49th street between 6th and 7th avenues.

I picked up this group of 5 at the Museum Of Modern Art and they hit me with the “2 stops” crap.  I go to 78th and Madison to a hotel and then originally they had said 95th and 5th.  I went to make my turn on 95th street and the lady in the back goes “WHAT ARE YOU DOING WE’RE STILL ON 78TH!” Um, are you high?  I tell her politely that I’m on 95th street and then I laugh.  She couldn’t believe it ha and she then apologized.

Times Square was a straight up youngin nigga fest.  What the hell happened, Soulja Boy concert?  Buncha youngins actin the fool man fuck I didn’t act like this when I was a teenager.  The parks are closed so hooray, let’s turn Times Square into one.

I picked up these British kids who were going to a hostel.  A fuckin hostel?  YMCA hostel or whatever the fuck.  I got $11.  Or so I thought from them…but it was really $10.50 because 2 of the coins were British ones.  All hail the Queen yah?

What do you get when you cross an Asian with a Black?  MSG.  Ba-Dum-Chh.  That’s how I feel anyway anytime they tip.

I was about to pull over, take a piss at Nevada Smith’s, grab a tuna melt and then head home.  This NYU freshwoman decides as I’m getting ready to turn off the ignition to see if I’m on.  Oh well, back to the show and she takes me to 16th street and 6th avenue.  In the most awkward voice.  I tell you man, NYU is the #1 dream school in America…but WHY? Most of these fools are hella HELLA socially inept.  She tipped well though.

My last passenger of the day was an intriguing fella.  He needed to go to Queens (perfect) and I knew the way.  Originally he was just gonna listen to his iPod and everything was gonna be gravy but then his girlfriend calls him apparently buggin out at him.  He then tells me that I had to turn my radio off and whatnot because he needs to remind her that he’s on his way home in a cab…not out somewhere at that moment (which was true..though he smelled drunk ha).  I’m able to turn the radio back on and then when I get to Queens I ask him if she’s “one of those.”  Yep.  We talk about the usual…how what one man does to a chick fucks it up for the rest of us for the rest of her life.  It takes a lifetime to build trust but one crack in the foundation to bring it cracking down.  And he’s right…she needs to calm down and relax because he’s gonna be home when he says he’s gonna be.  Girls do this too.  We’ve all been deceived at one point or another but that’s a WHOLE nother story for a different day.  He gave me 25% tip on a $17 ride.  Queens for the win.

An off-day tomorrow.  If I buy my new camera then on Tuesday I may have this in Vlog form but I will do my current take of Tipology 101…the best and worst.  And so on.


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