DK’s Taxi Cab Chronicles (from 4/9/10).

High-pressure Fridays lived up to its name as usual.  It didn’t help matters that I didn’t pick up my first passengers of the day until 830pm because my partner-in-crime had to take a trip out to Newark; hence him dropping off the car for me at 720.

My first passengers went to the Sheraton on 53rd and 7th ave & gave me $60.  I figured it was a nice bounce back.  Then I had a ridiculously long trip from Soho to the Upper West Side to Riverdale in the Bronx.  By the way, Riverdale is the only part of the Bronx I want to deal with; being that it’s right off the Henry Hudson Parkway.  Oddly enough, the two ladies wanted separate fares…so the first ride netted me $20 after tip and the second one netted me around $35.  I was on fire and then I needed to grab food.

Food spot of the day: Hot & Crusty (pause) on Broadway between 87th and 88th streets.  Quite pricey…but the grilled chicken & fresh mozzerella sandwich I copped from there was legit for sure.

Some days I’m left alone but then there are others where your phone is on full blast  and yesterday…my God.  I don’t usually like to mix work with pleasure because as I’ve found out the more you’re in a rush to get to somewhere, the more people are gonna throw you off.  For example, I had JUST finished dropping off a lady in the Carroll Gardens section of Brooklyn and JUST got off the Brooklyn Bridge.  This black couple hails me…”Brooklyn??” UGH! I really wanted to say no but I gave in.  Heading to Flatbush…nightmares.  Then the dude asked me the death knell question “About how much is it gonna cost?”
WHAT THE FUCK YO?? It’s by the meter…I DO NOT KNOW THE ANSWERS TO THESE THINGS although I did tell him it should be around $20-25…and it was $20.70.  In true niggerdom fashion I get $21 and for me to have a great night.  Now I’m tight ha.

I’m finally back in the city at 1ish and I pick up this group of 4 heading to Allen Street between Stanton & Houston.  The chick seems quite proud of herself that she knew the cross streets.  I gave her a thumbs up.  I was in one of those ultra-apathetic moods now ha.  After  dropping those folks off, I pick up this trailer park trash heading to Sunnyside.  I program that bitch on my GPS and I get there fairly quickly.  However, I’m not sure what I did wrong?  Maybe they detected I wasn’t too thrilled about headin to Queens at least now because I got tipped nothing.  ZERO.  No they weren’t black either.  I’m traumatized now.  They thanked me and I basically ignored them because I was none too pleased.  The dude looked like a butcher’s son and his girlfriend looked like Roseanne with glasses go fuck yourselves.  Next time I should charge a fat tax.

DK’s CAB-ulary term- Triple F.A.T Goose= when you get a “Tip $0.00” reading on the meter.  It’s so embarrassing to look at.

Everytime I’m on the BQE I always think of the line off the Nissan Honda Chevy song “…off the Meeker-Morgan Exit off the B B-B-B-B-B-B BQE near Mickey D’s/and I treat myself to a nice little Fish & Cheese.”

“They fucks with me the long way.”  PAUSE RIGHT NOW.  “Where They Do That At” song.

What is with white people and “brunch”?  What I miss?? There were 3 groups of passengers talkin about goin to get brunch tomorrow.  Makin it sound hella classy and shit.

DK’s Bordello:  How you gonna tell me I got nice tunes on (which by the way I told them keeps me sane), then after I tell them I have somewhere to be so yes, I’ma try to make it to 71st and Madison in record time, then you start makin out SMFH jeez.  They made up for that Sunnyside Down failure tip-wise though.  I figure that I’ll hit more potholes when people are tryin to make out in my cab…I don’t need that ish ha.  But I can’t mess up my car so.

This albino hungry hungry hippo broad  talkin about how she can’t wait to get into McDonalds and gobble it up with her girlfriend.  I was personally petrified.  For myself & whoever was gonna take her order at 39th street & 2nd avenue.

This dude fell asleep in my cab but claimed to had been listening to the radio.  Oldest lie in the book ha.  I let him slide though because he tipped well.

I went to visit my people at Bar 675 (which is a legit spot in the “Pause District”) for a little bit and as usual…I was asked if I had the ride which I did.  “You’re really running the meter right now?!” YES OF COURSE! I don’t work for free ha…and it was 6 of them anyhow.  It was pretty entertaining though.  Things you hear that make you go hmm.  Alcohol is one helluva drug.

I picked up this voluptuous white chick goin to Park Slope at the end of my shift and I tried startin convo with her…to no avail.  Damn she looked fly as fuck with those long boots & short skirt.  Definitely a bartender.  She was tired though which was a shame.

This dumb fuck thought it was cute to cut a lane and make a turn on the same block…but that wasn’t the bad part.  He deliberately stopped trying to block me or some shit…even though no one was walking.  That doesn’t work bruh, I can simply back up & go out…which is what I did.  Oh, and for those who try to deliberately walk slow on the crosswalk…that doesn’t work on me either.

All things considered I pulled in a fair amount of cash…BUT 20 trips, 4 to Brooklyn, one to Queens and one to the Bronx…not to mention an airport?  That’s a LOT of nuisance down-time.  Quite frankly I don’t know what time I’m gonna start my shift today…but it will happen.  And so on.


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