DK’s Taxi Cab Chronicles (from 4/13/10).

Yesterday happened to be “Interactive Tuesday” where people decided to be in talkative moods.  I also think my hearing is startin to fade…either that or my attention span is significantly decreasing.

I made THREE fuckups yesterday…but neither time I was yelled at them for it:
1) Thought I Heard- 8th avenue and 33rd street.  What It Actually Was- 5th avenue and 33rd street
2) Thought I Remembered Hearing- 88th street and Madison.  What It Actually Was- 88th street and Lexington.
3) Thought I Heard- 7th between 2nd and 3rd avenue.  What It Actually Was- 77th between 2nd and 3rd avenue.

Fortunately for me each person corrected me extremely quickly but damn what the fuck is wrong with me ha.  Mind you my radio was very low too so it probably was just a case of my memory being way out there.  They didn’t make big deals of these because I corrected myself on two of them..and the other one I dropped them off a little ways away but on the same side of the street.

This Christina Aguleria tanned cloned chick who was visiting from Paris via Los Angeles gets in my cab and tells me to take her to Mulberry Street.  She doesn’t know the area so she asks me how far of a walk that is from near the Empire State Building.  I tell her it’s about 45 minutes or so & she says that’s nothing because people in Paris walk around a lot.  The more you know?  Anyhow, she tells me I look like Jay-Z (head goes down in defeat) and she knows I get that all the time.  At least I used to..God Bless growing facial hair.  I tell her that I’d only make that walk if I was drunk & she starts laughing.  I mean, what am I gonna look at here that’s scenic?  Nothing.  Then we go off-topic and discuss how she thinks everyone in NYC is fat.  WHAT ON EARTH??  She did pull a no offense on the slick at me ha.  “There’s so much good food over here I’d be scared to live here because I’d gain so much weight.”  (Insert The Rock’s Eyebrow here).  Yes the food here is amazing but you also have Whole Foods, Trader Joe’s, your vegan shit; you can eat extremely healthy in Manhattan at least (though I’ll admit all bets are off when you get into the outer boros).  She tells me about how embarassed she’d be if she ever went over a size 0 or 00.  I’d be embarrassed if I turned women into pancakes.  The chick goes on to show me this french pill that makes her shit like a racehorse (I can’t remember the name) and how you’re only supposed to eat things cooked in hot water.  Good luck with that Missy.  I drop her off on Broadway & Spring because she saw a couple of stores she wanted to visit.

I pick up this Belgain family next and the mother sits next to me & starts talking.  She’s in awe of how much shopping there is in Soho but that they were only able to check out three stores because the daughters were basically on Cloud 9.  The mom asks me basic questions about Manhattan and what spots are best for food, shopping, etc.  She tells me she thinks Times Square is too touristy.  Understatement of the century right there…however that their next mission was to shop at Macy’s.  They were supposed to get to 9th and 36th streets when as I’m about to turn onto 9th avenue they forgot they had an appointment at the Wellington Hotel on 7th avenue & 55th street.  Excellent up in DK’s World.  She then takes out her camera & starts taking the most random pictures of really nothing.  A bar, street traffic and this hella nice building on 8th and 55th street. I got $20 from them.

This dude who sounded like he was straight outta West Texas got in n tol um dat I’ma go upta 88th n Lexin-tun.  We talked about random shit such as how cops rarely pull over people in the city (which is true; you have to do somethin really fucked up- or Drive While Black in a hella nice car).  Then I told him about how cabbies get in the most trouble for being on their phones or bluetooths and I asked him if it would bother you as a passenger if a cabbie were to be on his phone.  His response: “Well it’d bother me more if it was in one of em languages I ain’t kno bout than if it was that French which I know.  Da truth will setcha free.”  Lmfao what on earth?  “I cans understand French on da bizness side of thangs buh after that I gets lost.” I told him I know Haitian-Creole which is the off shoot.  “So ya can speak French?”  NOOOOOO ha.

Reason why I hate pickin up my people part 327249:  Red light.  8th avenue & 30th street.  Black woman with her 4 year old daughter both hailing for a cab…can’t leave them hanging of course.  “We’re going to Brooklyn.  Take 7th avenue down.”  Very specific directions thank you.  They give me the directions one by one in a hella slow manner which I guess is okay…but I have a GPS.  Ultimately I drop them off in Fort Greene on the corner of Washington & Gates Avenues.
Fare: $20.70.  Payment: $20.
Her: “Thank you very much.” Me- “…..no problem…”
Her: “Do you have change for $100.”
My Brain: What it look like??
My Mouth: No I don’t sorry.
Her: Oh.  (reaches for purse and gives me 3 quarters).  Thanks again.
Me: Yep.

Some fat black broad was under the bridge and tried hailin me down fuck outta here bitch I ain’t goin to the projects.  My off-duty light was on and you can see her lower portion of the stomach as she had her arm up.  No more reaching for cookies that better had been practice for Yoga.

I was on 6th avenue around Washington Place and two people were hailing for a cab.  One of the taxis was in front of me but in the lane to my left so he cuts in front of me to pick up the white girl…even though he was closer to the black dude.  I go around him to pick up the black dude who is going to Brooklyn (what else).  Really nice guy though.  He has a request for what he wants to listen to which is 106.7 Lite FM.  Odd because I hadn’t heard that station in ages.  As I’m tuning into the station for him on KTU they’re playin 50 Cent and he tells me “Turn that up man that’s 50 Cent!!”  Who would NOT know that lmfao.  Anyhow I get it to Lite FM and he’s singing with the music ha.  Very interesting.  Once I get over the Bridge he tells me how he is a 50-year (lifelong) Downtown Brooklyn resident and shows me where the 911 building is (it’s near Flatbush Avenue & Tillary Street).  I never knew that & found it to be hella interesting- it’s extremely secure as you would expect it to be and only if you have government ID can you enter..much less sniff the building.  He gave me $15 on a $11.10 ride because I turned the meter off.

My cab was acting up yesterday because my system rebooted on its own three times last night.

I was at LaGuardia Airport for my final trip and I picked up these women who were headin to Richmond Hills.  Perfect since that’s close to the Van Wyck & fairly close to home.  They had HELLA bags of shit they were loading into the cab.  Most of the time I would help them but they had this flight guy who was loading most of their bags in there so I figured okay I’m gonna wait inside.  The cab dispatcher who got one of those short man squeaky voices knocks on my window “You see em ladies wit em bags & you not gon help em?  Come on dawg” Umm, there was a dude helping them already and the bags the ladies actually were loading in were like 10 pounds and that same dude was helpin to put them in.  Vision is 20/20.    So I get up to close my door when one more 60 pound bag comes in that the flight guy brings in.  I look at the taxi dispatcher & tell him “Happy…dawg?” and get in.  I’m an asshole sometimes.  The ladies gave me $20 because they needed help taking the bags out clearly and THAT’S when I come in.

Not a bad day by any stretch.  New episode today at 5:05pm EDT (pushed from Thursday to today to accommodate for a friend’s birthday tomorrow).  And so on.


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