DK’s Taxi Cab Chronicles (from 4/16/10).

It was most definitely a Long-Haul Friday.  I don’t know what it is about people who get in my cab I swear…they always wanna take me out of Manhattan which isn’t necessarily a bad thing but it is a bit of a nuisance.

My first passengers of the day were these four Europeans who barely spoke a lick of English.  “Where are you going?” “Hotel.”  Okay great.  They showed me the paper with where they wanted to go.  Holiday Inn Express in Maspeth, Queens.  MASPETH?? REALLY?? The hell you gonna do out there unless you’re visiting family?  Your fam must not like you if they got you stayin at a hotel that has a view…of the wall of a highway.

Since that was a shortie, I went back to JFK to Terminal 4 and picked up this lady who was headin to the Upper East Side.  She claims that every time she comes back home that it rains in her honor.  She even was on the phone with a couple of people and she goes “Hey guess how you know I’m here?? It’s raining!”  Umm, I wouldn’t brag too much about that but okay.

These really nice lesbian chicks who I believe are wedding planners are the next people I pick up.  I swear I heard the word like 32 times over the course of this two-stop ride.  They had a slight argument about how to do a sweepstakes zzzz bor-ring.  As I pass through the whole Park Avenue viaduct which was hella crowded one of them goes jokingly “I hope you didn’t take us here on purpose or else you are a bad bad boy! Ha Ha!”  You learn somethin new everyday.

After droppin off this broad at Port Authority this Mexican lady gets in.  She’s real nice & everything except now…I’m goin to Jackson Heights.  You must be joking.  That is the reason why I avoid goin to the PABT because I always get taken out of the boro.  She was tellin me some shit about how she was comin from a 22-hour bus ride in hella broken English.  I didn’t want my concentration broken so I didn’t pay much attention.  I had my GPS on and when I was near her house I was supposed to make a right.  She tells me left.  Then I make the left & she goes “no no sor-i de other way my English no good I’m so sor-i”.  And then to give me a $100 bill on a $32 ride and no tip SMFH.

Then I had yet another Asian buck the trend and actually tip well.  They’re startin to come around.  That was a trip from LaGuardia to Fort Greene in Brooklyn.

Food Spot Of The Day: Maya Taqueria (643 Vanderbilt Avenue in Brooklyn)- Think of Chipotle..but more authentic and better tasting.  I got a Chicken Fajita Burrito ($8.66)  from these muh fuhs and it was slammin.  Although their homemade lemonade is hella expensive ($2.99).

I understand 7th avenue is a disaster…but to close it off at 42nd street and then again at 38th street on a Friday night is just not right.  Just my luck, I had to drop off these Brits at 44th and 7th and then on 31st and 7th.  The first one was fine…but then I had to make this whole roundabout for the 2nd one.  Broadway…which would normally be clutch pre-walkway days is obviously of no use; so I had to go around to 9th avenue to 34th street and then turn right on 34th street.  This turned what would normally be around a $12 fare into a $20 because of the traffic also.

This Justin Verlander look-a-like (if you don’t know who he is, Google it) is next and wants me to take him to Bay Ridge.  DEAR GOD.  That’s about a $35-$40 ride right there.  He was hopin to God that we wouldn’t be stuck in traffic at all and he got his wish.  He asked me if I was gonna take the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel and I told him essentially there’s no point of you paying a toll.  After I dropped him off he gave me the 411 about how this was the first time he ever paid with credit card and my opinion about the machines…which I have already explained on here.

I’m finally back in Manhattan…but not for long.  I pick up these Spanish peeps around 10th street and 3rd avenue headin to Astoria.  Sheeeit- Broadway & Steinway.  Keep in mind last time I was goin out there I kinda got lost…but this time we got the handy-dandy GPS.  They were hella entertaining, one of them was tellin his homegirl that her feet smelled like “BAKALAU” haaa or however you spell that shit.  One of the dudes exclaims “I can go lower than any of yall” and then I joke with them that I should turn the cab around to head towards Christopher Street to “that area” and they all start laughing.  Hot 97 is on and they’re playin some fist pump shit.  I begin fistpumpin with them once again.  “C’mon Taxi AHH AHH AHH AHH” maybe he should be a radio personality.  That ride was cool.

I pick up a dude from the Whiskey Library and take him towards 6th avenue.  We get into a discussion about the taxi cab business & as most people are…he was shocked about how much actually goes into it.  The more you know (insert NBC star here).

I head to the Meatpacking District for no real reason & I pick up these three Spanish ladies.  What is with me & the Latinos today ha?  They originally tell me that I’m goin to Fort Greene & I do…but then the next stop is Sunset Park & the final one Bay Ridge.  I felt like I was in high school I swear.

I should have went home from there but I returned to Manhattan & was on the Lower East Side.  I pick up…you guessed it…2 Spanish dudes & they’re goin to 100th street between Columbus & Amsterdam.  Them cats were HELLA drunk and within 10 minutes were both slumped n snorin on my damn chair SMFH.  I wake em up and one of them is droolin all over himself.  No drool was on my car I doublechecked.  It took em about 10 minutes to get up & out.

I’m on 58th street heading to the Queensboro Bridge and I see a couple dudes hailing for a cab.  I have my off-duty lights on and make a split second decision to turn them off & pick them up.  Probably not a good idea…and I turned out to be right as they wanted to go uptown to 116th and 8th avenue (which is really Frederick Douglass Boulevard).  They were high and drunk as shit which is of no surprise considering it was around 430 in the morning.  Normal ride up to where I drop them off.  The fare is $11.10.  The white boy gives me a $30 and mumbles something.  I’m not sure what he was sayin so I turned around…I didn’t know if he was tellin me how much he wanted back or whatever.  Why would you give me $30 I have no clue.  The Indian dude he’s with suddenly tells me “What you lookin at him for, give us the money & we’ll tip you accordingly if we want to…don’t do that kind of shit bro.”  WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKIN ABOUT HA?  I didn’t say shit because talkin to a person whose shirt was 3/4ths unbuttoned is like talkin to horse manure on Central Park South.  I gave white boy the $19 and just hoped they got out which they did.  Don’t get smart with me like that though.  Tell your boy to learn some math ha.  Had he just given me the $20 I wouldn’t have been as confused.  But a $20 crumpled with a $10?  Come on…”BRO”.

I got home at 530 this morning.  New episode begins today at…530pm EDT.  And so on.


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