DK’s Taxi Cab Chronicles (from 4/30/10).

Sometimes the breaks just go your way & yesterday was one of those.

My first passenger of the day was this dude goin to the Bronx by Van Cortlandt Park.  He’s been a lifelong Yankees fan for about 50 years so I cut him slack in comparison to those Yankee fans who became one after 1998.  He talks about how that’s basically the only NY team that he hasn’t given up on (he’s given up on the Rangers & Knicks..and he still follows the Giants to an extent).  Now that he lives in Orlando he’s turned into a Magic fan.  We continue discussing sports and whatnot and how his daughter is studying Sports Management at UCF (my major at NYU).  Hella chill dude and he gave me $80 (toll included).

I inevitably got to 57th street and 7th avenue and I saw this poor soul trying so hard to hail a cab.  All the cabs except me were taken but I was on the other side of the street.  I turned right and was at the corner so just in case if he was shit out of luck he could get in.  However, out comes these older ladies and see that there’s a cab waiting right for them.  Oh well (Kanye Shrug).  The African-American lady who gets in tells me in advance to excuse her because she’s drunk off of wine lmaooo.  We talked about generation gaps & shit…and also about some of the actors she likes such as Denzel Washington.  I swear that dude hasn’t aged since I was a kid.  She’s happy for Will Smith & Jada Pickett and hopes their marriage stands the test of time.  I learn that Will’s kid is supposed to be on the next Karate Kid movie.  Interesting.  I don’t follow Hollywood like that.

Doormen are hella aggressive I gotta give them that.  Runnin across the street ON 42ND STREET to hail me down so these guests can get in my cab and another from halfway on the block at 76th and Broadway.  That’s their job though.  Job well done.

The teens who I pick up at 76th and Broadway were goin to Times Square and nothing was said for the longest.  The chick was takin her facebook-esque profile pictures with her boyfriend and we also saw Mario & Luigi.  Fuckin random.  Then the dude sees an ad concernin UCF 113 and thinks it’s this Saturday.  I tell him it’s next Saturday.  He then asks me if I saw the last one which I didn’t because I was workin that Saturday (just like every Saturday) but heard about it.  Anderson Silva is the fuckin man though and that’s what we all agree on.  Even the chick was talkin about it for a bit.  Nothing turns me on more than a chick who can discuss sports word aapp.  He told me that it’s rumored that he may go up in weight to face George St. Pierre.  That’d be sick honestly.  But I digress, they get out on the corner & tip me well so I can pick up this blonde European chick yummm.

Nothing would be complete without a buzzkill trip to Queens at 1145pm on a Friday night to the Pan-American Hotel.  Fortunately for me, it was with an Asian that knew how to tip.  They’re really beginning to come around for me.

People are effin messy.  This dude who gets in my cab at 6th and 20th street was going to 94th street & Columbus Ave and starts eatin McDonalds.  That smell is hella intoxicating but I had McDonald’s yesterday.  The clown leaves his Angus sandwich box in my cab with a small piece of the bread.  Later on in the night I pick up these 2 dudes who were eating pizza who wanted a short ride to 8th avenue & 21st street.  They don’t tip me shit either and one leaves his plate in the cab. Littering in the street is okay you know.  At least to me ha.

I feel you bruh: 3 cabs skip this Spanish dude who is…you guessed it..eating pizza.  Most cabbies think that they’re goin to the Bronx and to be fair that’s exactly where I thought I was going but instead..right there to the LES on Houston & Avenue A.  Perfection.  We see an ambulance closeby and he tells me “See, that’s EXACTLY why I don’t hang over there on weekends cats don’t know how to act around here.”  Yeah no kidding.  He tells me that his hangout spot on weekdays is on 2nd street and Avenue A where the snowbunnies be at.  Sounds good to me.  “You know us dark skinned dudes love the white chicks.  And our dicks.”  Ha.

Drunk as fuck dude to his peeps: “Where are weeee?”
Me: 9th and 14th.
Other dude: Yeah we’re like 3 blocks away.
Chick: It’s on 13th and Washington.
Drunk as fuck dude: That’s like 3…14 lefts away.
Other dude: He just gotta make a left we should be there in a minute and 40 seconds.

Okay, so it took 2 because of traffic.

Next cab ride within 30 seconds of me picking them up:
Chick to her guy friend: I had my hand rubbing on her vagina…

My most entertaining ride was when I returned to Delancey Street from Williamsburg and picked up these 2 skinny as hell Indian chicks.  I had Hot 97 on as always and the SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS song is on.  They start doin some dance; I can’t explain it to be honest.  I do it with them too and they start laughing.  At the end of the ride since I overheard them talking about this dude actin weird tonight I ask them a hypothetical question:

“Say you hung out with someone but you weren’t feeling them like that…yet they kept blowin you up with texts, how would you go about it?  Ignore them, eventually hit them with the truth, or what?”

The first chick says that she’d ultimately tell him the dreaded “But we can be friends” line.  The other says that she loves persistence so she’d actually go on another date with him.  Hmmm.

To go from Houston Street & Avenue A to 170th street and St. Nicholas Ave is pretty ballsy.  And runs $27 before tip.  The dude & I discussed weed and how he used to be hardcore..but not anymore since he’s all grown up n shit.  Having a high tolerance for weed sucks he says.  Since he’s new to the area, he asks me about tipping etiquette for cabs.  I simply tell him think of me as a bartender or waiter.  He gives me $33.  Not a bad beginning for you sir.

I hightailed the fuck out of here after that.  New episode sometime today after I get my car washed.  Mayweather or Mosley who you got??? And so on.


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