DK’s Taxi Cab Chronicles (from 5/1/10).

You’re probably wonderin how did the bomb scare affect business last night.  For me it didn’t because I somehow managed to avoid the area all shift long anyway.  I don’t know about yall but prayer before work definitely is my best friend.

On Saturday nights I always hope that most of my passengers are women.  Hell, every shift I do ha..but this definitely wasn’t the case last night it was a cockfest for the most part.  In fact, out of my 20 trips last night only 3 of them were female-only rides.

Why the Yellow Cab is your friend: This older African-American couple were hailing a cab down 7th avenue and 39th street and a Gypsy Cab stopped for them.  They seemed infuriated by them though and I let them in.  They ask me if I set my own price or if it’s by the meter (clearly they’re from out of town) and I tell them it’s via meter.  The guy tells me that the gypsy was tryin to charge them $15 to take them to a hotel on 26th street between 6th and 7th avenues haaaaa.  On the meter it was $4.70 and the guy gave me $8.

The awkward guy: After that short episode..I pick up this guy on 6th and 27th and he wants me to head down to Christopher Street oy ha.  I thought that would be his only stop and he’s on the phone talkin to some woman about job-related shit so he wants me to turn the volume down.  As we get to the place he’s tellin me he’s pickin up a female friend of his..this tall skinny blonde chick that makes me go OH initially..but she’s too skinny for me.  He goes “Can notice that from a mile away ooh wee.”  I overhear him & her talk and you can tell his social skills are awkward..yet somehow the chick is able to bear with it.  One of those “..and I know this is gonna sound weird..” “I’m sorry if it comes across as perverted..” soundin dudes while she’s going “Heheh no that’s fine” and not in a sarcastic manner either.  Things that make you go hmm.  Chicks dig nerds?

Totally unexpected situation 1: After dropping off a couple on the corner of Houston street & Attorney street..this dude with a carry-on and his mother get in my cab.  Destination: JFK Terminal 4.  HUH?? 1045pm on a Saturday night and I’m goin to the airport?? At the time I was cursing my luck because I was being taken out of the bustling city and was scared that I’d have to wait at the Central Taxi Hold and waste time.  When I got towards the airport there was some motorcade also heading to my terminal to get on a flight.  Probably some prime minister of some random ass country who the hell knows.  Anyhow that was an altogether $51.50 ride & I’m hopin to God that the Taxi Hold is empty.

And it was.  JetBlue’s Terminal 5 is next and I pick up this black dude.  He rolls to the back of my cab and just stands there.  Makes some sense, he probably thinks my trunk is gonna pop open but in a van it doesn’t- I have to manually do it.  I open the trunk and he kinda stands there with his bag for 5 seconds before making a motion to put the bag in.  Dude..just let me have it you’re lookin weak right now.  72nd and West End Avenue is my destination for this one.  He asks me why I didn’t take the Midtown Tunnel.
Me: The Midtown Tunnel drops you off around 37th street.
Him: But you have to go to West End Avenue.
Me: I know. The Queensboro takes you to 63rd and you go across the 66th street transverse.  AND you don’t have to pay toll either.
Him: (insert limp-wristed sounding ohhh here)

For my efforts he only tips me $4.

Can yall people PLEASE stop with the passive-aggressive sounding “Thanks” when you say shit?? It agitates the fuck out of me.

I was about to head towards the Times Square area (oblivious to the whole bomb scare thing) but I had these older folk hail me from the opposite side so I made a U-Turn.  3 people going to three different stops.  Usually that shit annoys me but they were all nearby for once.  The lady used that “thanks” shit twice on me.
First time: “Can you turn the volume down, thanks.”
Second time: “Left corner pass the light if you can, thanks.”


They were talking about theatre; one of the guys I think had just performed or something so they were proud of him.  One of the other guys was from Cleveland and the lady from Los Angeles and they were talkin about how theatre used to be bigger in those places but they felt that it was sad that it’s dried up.  After the lady gets off, the final remaining guy talks about how he misses back in the good old days (so for him the 60s probably ha) where he’d drive at night with the top down.  Yeah; I enjoy drivin at night with…my window rolled down?

My music choice for yesterday was Jay-Z’s Kingdom Come album.  I only really listened to it when I had down time or if someone my age got in my cab.  After coming back from shockingly my only Brooklyn trip of the day (Williamsburg)..I pick up these two broads and they tell me to put the radio on.  To Z100.  Weakkkkkk.

Dude: What’s goin on my man?
Me: Not bad, not bad.
Dude: Thompson & 3rd street my man.
Me: Aight
Dude: Sick tunes my man.

I’m not your man.  I don’t know you.

The Final Act: I’m over by the Meatpacking District on 9th avenue & 14th street and these 2 hella good lookin chicks get in my cab.  I’m thinkin they’re probably goin to another spot or maybe even Penn Station.

“Will you take us to Long Island?”
Me: Uhh…fuck yeah this means I’m done for the night.
Brunette: Yes!

Turns out I’m goin to the Mineola LIRR station and I’m down with that anyday of the week since that’s about 20-25 minutes from my house.  Not to mention it was 2am at the time and knowing that this trip was gonna be about $75 why wouldn’t I?  Most cabs wouldn’t make the trip at this time and why would they when there’s so much money to be made in the city on a Saturday night but hey…their loss in this case was my gain.

That is..until I get out of the Midtown Tunnel and all I see on my side mirror is a stream of vomit dripping outside all over the side of my cab.  Fuckkkkkkk.  To the chick’s credit the window was rolled down and 97% of the vomit was outside the cab.  The blonde one was who threw up. The brunette is pleading how sorry she was yet laughin and takin blackberry pics of her best friend’s failure.  I couldn’t even be mad because this was bound to happen & how expected I found it that it’d be Long Islanders who did it.  I notice the brunette had a ring on her finger.  Sigh.  But we start talkin about how much fun she had in college & she’s a sorority girl (AEPhi) who graduated from Adelphi while I’m a fraternity guy (TKE) who graduated from NYU.
“Ooh smart man.”
Ehh, don’t look at it like that at least I don’t.
“Oh come on, don’t sell yourself short.”

The brunette (who I find out is Marisa while her passed out friend is Marissa) tells me about how her now-husband hs calmed her down significantly and how at 25 she needed that since she’s been to Vegas 5x, Cancun 5x and Italy.  Marisa 11, DK 0.  Her recommendation for Vegas hotel to stay at is the Hard Rock Cafe.  She was fun to talk to.  Obviously no number copped.  They (well she) gives me $120 and I follow them to Old Country Road so I can hop on the Meadowbrook.  Shift ends at a very respectable 315am.

Sundays are my I don’t give a fuck days..as you can tell.  Starting momentarily.  And so on.


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