DK’s Taxi Cab Chronicles (from 5/8/10- Part II).

I was driving down 2nd avenue and I was about to pick up this white kid…but a cab cut me off pretty hard. I however seen it coming and I ended up picking up a group of five.  Unfortunately for me they were goin to Park Slope.  Not cool.  They were talkin about burlesque shows and how this chick at one shoved a bottle up her ass.  That’s entertainment for yall?  That tells me she does yoga for all the wrong reasons.  Even though they told me to go to 3rd avenue and 9th street…the place was really on 7th street between 2nd and 3rd.  They were prepared for a 530am night.  Whatever.

I headed back via the Manhattan Bridge and there were hella foreigners just gettin out of a bus with bags & shit waitin for a cab ride.  I skipped them all ha.  It was primarily out of frustration and the fact that I had no interest going to hotels at the time.  I wound up on Bowery picking up this family of three and I overheard them talkin about a party.
Guy: Who is that rapper..the Soldier?
Girl: …no that’s Soulja Boy
Kid: Soulja Boy…you don’t know who that is??
(couple minutes later)
Guy: and that rapper what’s his name? G.I?

2nd avenue continued to frustrate me although now it was almost 315 in the morning.  I was stopped at a red light and all I remember is 4 guys and a girl gettin in my cab.
Guy: Please say this is the trivia cab. The cash cab.
Guy 2: Cash Cab?!?!?!
Me: No.
Guy: Ahh come on! Where are the flashing lights?? Somethin!
Me: (plays with the on/off light switch) This is the best technology I have to offer.
Guy 2: Ask us a question about somethin…anything! Make it cash cab!
Me: Umm…okay.  How many girls did yall try to holla at tonight?
Guy: At least 33..and I went 0 for 33 I’m batting .000
DK’s Brain: I feel you that’s been my average for quite a while now.
Me: Ha.

I don’t know at that point I started gettin a headache.  They were playfully talkin about how they were gonna fuck each other up (although they were goin to Hudson & Christopher street to the PATH so I might have erased the word up).  The Turkish broad they were with was bangin but she was bitchy and needed to be put to bed like J. Holliday.  They asked me who’d I’d take Mayweather or Pacquiao.  I said Mayweather.

I decided that I had enough for the night.  That crew got out the cab entirely too slowly for my liking and even though I had the off-duty light on..this spanish woman & gay Bill Cosby look-a-like (sweater and all) asked if I was available.
Me: Not really..
Her: Pleaseeeee?
Me: Where are yall goin?
Him: One eleventhh between Lenoxth and 5th (yes he had the lispth)
Her: Come on pleaseeee?
Him: (leans on the window like a dog waiting for the remnants of my dinner)
Me: Alright alright fine hop in.  Don’t lean on my window like that though ha.

3 other people get in.  Another dude rides shotgun and he tells me I got the old school tunes on and was impressed.  I told him I guess you can say that.  I didn’t mean to be cold with him at all honestly..it’s just been a rough day and I just really wanted to go home but I had to do them this favor.  It was worth the $22 (they tipped $6).  The gay guy told me I deserved it for being able to put up with them and God bless me.  Yes He does.

Things overheard in the cab I forgot to mention:
Guy- I wonder what it must be like to have sex with a transsexual?

YOU WOULD BE GAY THEN BECAUSE THEY GOT DICKS.  THE END.  That would be an embarrassment for the ages though if you were hookin up with a chick and then attempted to finger her but you were grabbin something external.  But the only person you have to blame for that is yourself for not noticing the Adam’s apple.  What’s your excuse..that it was mixed with Eve?

And so on.


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