DK’s Taxi Cab Chronicles (from 5/11/10).

Easy breezy Tuesday.  I was honestly surprised that there were quite a few people out..and everytime I have a plan on going to do something..it gets thwarted; which isn’t a bad thing.

My first passengers of the day came from..you guessed it..Terminal 4.  This brunette with a killer smile and her blonde friend were goin to 25th street and 7th avenue to some hotel and it was a relatively boring ride.  Then the brunette asked me this.  I wish I was joking.
Brunette: Can we smoke on the street?
Me: Yes as long as it isn’t weed.
Brunette: Hehehe no no we don’t do that.
Me: Ahh.
Brunette: And we can throw the cigarette on the floor when we finished right?
Me: (nods head)
Brunette: Oh okay 😀
DK’s Brain: Oh my.

After droppin off a lady at 113th and Riverside from Penn Station..I was goin down Broadway where I see a family of three waiting to be picked up.  I was on the right lane and this cabbie who was a little in front of me but on the middle lane tries to cut directly in front of me.  Too late.  Cocksucker.  Anyhow, they were tryin to go to “474 Lafayette Street” but ultimately I found out that they were really goin to see Blue Man Group and knew they were about to be embarrassed since they were running late (thanks to hella traffic on 59th street when I was tryin to go crosstown).
Lady: You speak Spanish?
Me: No. Un poco though.
Guy: Only a little?  Ahhhh! You live here all your life where your parents from?
Me: Haiti.
Guy: We come from Puerto Rico. It’s very cold for us here right now.
Me: Hace frio?
Guy: Si.
Guy: The water in Puerto Rico very warm..in the 80s all year.
DK’s Mind: What does that have to do with anything??
Me: Well here it’s in the 50s now.  No caliente.
Guy: That’s so cold for us.

This cab tried to cut in front of me but I wasn’t havin it.  Then for some reason I think he lost it and as I was tryin to make a turn, he goes around me to make the same turn and cuts hella hard in front of me.  Not sure why ha.  Then I go to switch lanes and he’s switchin them with me so I figure I’ma have fun with this.  We’re gonna do a King Cobra flute dance so I start swervin deliberately and he’s doin the same thing.  Me and my passengers are laughin our asses off.  We both get to a red light and he’s now on the left lane; me in the center.  At 52nd street he’s gonna make a left turn (he has no passenger in his car) and as I’m passin him by I wave at him.  He looked pissed.

I drop them off and pick up this Asian family.  Their daughter has just graduated NYU yippee.  I start talkin to the father about that- I graduated there 3 years ago and he’s disappointed in how cold it is. “I should be wearing shorts” he says.  He tells me that Sports Management should be booming..but as me being livin proof, it’s definitely not, unless you’re a kiss-ass (which I’m not).  I do understand why a lot of people who were in Sports Management when I was a freshman ultimately left the program now.  “Event management is booming.” Sure it is, but it’s mainly temporary shit..besides you don’t need a specialized degree for that.  I honestly feel like I squeezed myself too much…should have majored in Business.  We talk about the housing market and how it sucks..but co-ops are the way to go.  So are 10 cent tips.

I was by the Financial District because I dropped some chick off by a cafe (she actually called it a “CAFF”) and picked up this dude who looked like Tiger Woods.  I thought when he got in the cab he was gonna say “Hey uh, it’s Tiger.”  People have a thing with $1 tips on credit cards.  He bogeyed.

This Zack Morris look-a-like comes in and has that nasal voice “Riiight here is fiiine.”  DK don’t laugh out loud..don’t do it.

I wanted to smack the next passenger in the face.
Him: I’m going to Williamsburg.
(5 second pause)
Him: Take the Williamsburg Bridge please.
DK’s Mind: Because the Brooklyn Bridge really takes me there…thanks Rev Run’s Wisdom.
Me: You got it.

I pick up this Scandanavian group and they’re all dressed up and shit.  They were goin back to the Hotel Wellington and were talkin about how their night has been up to this point.  “Times Square is out of this world heh heh.” It sure is.
Guy: Don’t worry, be happy is my motto.
Me: Haha.
Guy: You look like you’re a very happy person.
Me: Yes I’m happy today sure.
Guy: That’s goot then.

I picked up this couple on 6th avenue a little bit later and once again they were bitching about the weather.  The chick starts talkin to me about global warming.  Some shit about somethin she read about the core of the earth (insert Charlie Brown’s teacher womp womp voice here).  I only inserted that voice for 2 reasons 1) she was rambling and 2) my attention span significantly decreases when you have a boyfriend especially with you.  It sounded interesting yet far fetched as shit.  Then I mentioned something about the Earth being closer to the sun overall right now than normal.
Her: Well I agree yeah it is once every year.
DK’s Mind: What the fuck???
Me: Hmm.

Every time I figured I was gonna get something to eat, I would pick up a passenger.  Go figure..every time I actually do want to do something the opposite occurs.  I’m gonna do this more often.  My last passenger was basically my GPS.  I was heading down Lexington Avenue because the plan was to take it all the way to 23rd street, turn onto 3rd avenue (which is 2-way at that point) then go to New Amici to eat a protein salad.
Guy: We’re going to Queens is that okay?
DK’s Mind: Hell fuckin yeah it is; I’m done.
Me: Yezzirrrr.

While he didn’t tell me to turn left or right after 200 yards like my GPS would say, he was very adept with his step-by-step directions.  He was also very adept at his tipping skills too.

An average Tuesday; nothing more needs to be said.  Special episode today at 545pm EDT.  And so on.


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