DK’s NYC Taxi Cab Chronicles (The Run-Around).

Tuesday in general was a very very good day of business somehow.  I went to every relevant borough (yes that means Staten Island is NOT one in my opinion), I learned something new (Battery Park City being built on a landfill as the World Trade Center was being built), people want to smoke cigars in my cab, and I’m told about this guy runnin for Senate who talked about graduating from Harvard & fighting in the Vietnam War (WTF??).  Maybe I’ll delve into those another time…but my strangest story of the day was unquestionably this:

I’m going up 6th avenue near Bleeker Street where I pick up this couple.  I don’t notice it right away but the lady that gets in has a really low voice.  Something out of a Durex condom radio commercial…but it’s manly-ish too.  They need to go to the home borough (Queens) near Astoria.  The lady talks to me a bit about how traffic was a bitch when they arrived in the city at 6 (which is when I started my shift) and how she cannot wait for summer.  I’m not lookin forward to sweatin my ass off but that’s neither here nor there.

Something is amiss though..this lady’s voice is entirely too deep and the eyelashes almost look like they’re glued on.  She’s all over her boyfriend (who isn’t saying too much) but the inevitable makeout session occurs.  I begin doubting that she had always been a female her entire life because the face looked too manly.  Her hands were quite big and sure, the wrists were female-like and the figure was feminine too…but then I checked her feet (she was wearing boots) and them shits were huge.  Don’t tell me this dude is makin out with an artist formerly known as a dude…I think so DK, I think so…damn.

In yall opinions, do you think it’d be gay if you hooked up with a female who used to be a guy?

Anyhow that’s not the point.  They were goin to a hotel on 45th and Astoria Boulevard & I drop them there.  I’m gettin ready to bounce out (that’s when I really get a good look at her face and just see that mug, whoa) but I can’t go anywhere because there was a cab driver who was also in front of me that refused to move.  This actually turned out to be in my favor because the hotel was booked.  I don’t think this has ever happened to me before where someone tried to book a hotel room that night (cues Cassidy- Hotel song).  They get back in my cab and just tell me to go straight until I get closer to a hotel.

The Clarion Hotel- sold out.
LaGuardia Airport Hotel- sold out.
Mariott- sold out.
Hampton Inn- sold out.

At this point I’ve been in the cab with them for an hour and this time I was on their 2nd fare.
Lady: What is going on here??
DK’s Brain: What are YOUUUU doin?
Me: I have no clue I’ve never seen it like this where all these hotels have been sold out.
Lady: I knoooowwww.
DK’s Brain: Does your boyfriend know what I’m pretty sure I know?

The dude gets on the phone tryin to find the nearest hotel that is NOT sold out..which is SIX miles away back near the Queensboro Bridge.  Lo and behold, we FINALLY get there and true to its word there is vacancy.
Lady: I feel so bad, I’m so sorry.
Me: Oh it’s all good.
DK’s Brain: $50?? Hell fuckin yeah.
Guy: Man that was rough.
DK’s Brain: I bet “she’s” the rough one.
Guy: I wish I could tip you more but I’m kinda tapped out.
Me: *Kanye Shrug*
DK’s Brain: Last thing I want to hear right now is the word tip ha.

Then I went to LaGuardia & took it from there.  Peep the poll question.  And so on.


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May 2010
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