DK’s NYC Taxi Cab Chronicles (from 5/20/10).

One of the strangest aspects of my job is that even though customers have been repeatedly coming in and out of your cab…you don’t feel like you’re making that much money because everyone wants to pay with credit card.  Thursdays usually don’t have too many people who are social but here’s something I had a hard time understanding yesterday:

It was 75 degrees..but a non-humid 75.  Yet you’re askin me to turn on the air conditioner?? WHY?? Roll the damn window down and get some fresh air.  It will help oxygen flow into your brain & realize that it’s comfortable.  When it’s 95 and humid in August THEN come back  & holla at me.

My first passengers of the day I picked up at Jetblue’s T5.  Two business dudes.  Not for nothin, but those are some of my LEAST favorite people to pick up.  Why?  They’re always on their damn Blackberry; want you to turn the volume down on your radio (even though only the front speakers are on) and they’ll tell you where to go..only to be vague.
Guy: We’re going to (some hotel I can’t remember it’s name)
Me: You got an address?
Guy: It’s across from the Plaza Hotel (which I know is on 5th avenue and 59th street).
Me: I mean…a specific address?
(30 minutes later)
2nd Guy: It’s 700 5th avenue
DK’s Brain: Thank God I wasn’t in the city yet.
1st Guy: You tryin to save money by not using your AC?
DK’s Brain: I’m tryin to save common sense since none of yall muh fuhs don’t have em anymore.  Plus it’s on in the back because I don’t need it.
Me: It’s not THAT hot outside, it’s pretty comfortable if you ask me.

I’ve actually never been to Grand Central Terminal during rush hour so when I dropped off this 60 cent tippin on a $8.40 fare dude around there..this couple tried hoppin in my cab.  They have dispatchers though on lookout throughout the perimeter makin sure nobody cuts the line.  I didn’t know there was a taxi stand on 43rd between Vanderbilt & Madison avenues so I pick up this lady who needed to go to “The Garment District”.  How fancy.  It was 26th between 9th and 10th avenues.  She finds 2 pennies on the floor and hands them to me.  What on earth is that supposed to mean ha?  Pennies for my thoughts?  She talks to me about how she finds Obama to be so inspiring and charismatic (as if I haven’t heard that before) and anyone who knows me knows that I’m hella apathetic when it comes to politics.  I haven’t seen any changes..except America still being exposed as racist but that’s neither here nor there.

Some chick I picked up around Penn Station was on her phone talkin about Lost’s final episode on Sunday.  Thank God that show is over, that shit served no purpose.  Okay I get it, a plane crashed into an island.  But wouldn’t you want to get the fuck out of dodge ASAP?  But then..why in God’s name would you want to RETURN back there?  It ain’t Aruba.  A magnetic island??? We will be FOUND again when that travesty of a show ends.

Now usually when cab drivers decide to flip their lights to OFF-DUTY they do so in the outer boroughs or north of 110th street in Manhattan.  I took great humor seeing that in K-Town a few cab drivers flipped them on.  Koreans are notoriously bad tippers themselves and even though they’re likely to stay in the city..cab drivers ain’t havin that ha.  I didn’t flip my switch and I paid dearly for me.
Korean Man: I go to Flushing.

That’s all he told me and he immediately gets on his phone.  After I wait patiently for him to get off the phone I ask him how far do I have to go?
Him: Go straight til you get to the Flushing then I tell you.
DK’s Brain: LMFAOOOO What?? They ain’t no highway sign that’s gonna tell me Flushing.

I could have used Rosetta Stone because he was mapquesting me but in some of the worst English I’ve ever heard.
Him: Go off here (exit 22)
Me: My right right?
Him: Yah right.
Me: Then what go straight??
Him: Go go. Van Wyck right. Now left. Whitestone Bridge.
(2 minutes later)
Him: Go to the Northern Boulevard please. Right. Now left. Left.
Him: Take all the way to won fifeth street.
DK’s Brain: WHAT??
Me: one-one-five? or one-five-zero?
Him: No sor-i. One-four-nine place.

He tipped me $1.33 on a $33.67 overall ride.  Next time I go to K-Town I’m going off-duty too.

My ears sometimes fail me.
What I thought he said: 103rd and 5th.
DK’s Brain: Fuckkkk..no man’s land.
(turns up Madison)
Guy: I SAID 23rd AND 5th.  GOD!
DK’s Brain: Oh. Well then.  White boy better chill though.
Me: Whoops my bad.

This guy is one of those people who looked to be in a rush to get somewhere.  There were HELLA cabs heading in that general direction (which I come to find out he really meant 230 5th avenue).  “Right here is fine it’s fine it’s fine.”  Damn boy you need some water or somethin?  Probably late for a date or some shit.

DK Stars in “The 5th Wheel”: I just made my triumphant return from “The Flushing” and I pick up these two couples.  “Bump the beats up back here my man!” Oh okay gotcha.  They’re going to 37th street and 10th avenue and I’m down in Alphabet City so I already know what this is gonna entail.  Hella making out.  Where was my chick in the front God damn it ha?  I thought I was watchin The Hills.  Fortunately no R&B was playing on my iPod at that time.  When I drop them off as one of the guys pays with CC:
Me: Where’s my girl to make out with??
Guy: Heh heh.
DK’s Brain: I wasn’t really jokin ha.
Guy 2: (starts rappin whatever I had on I don’t remember) dope tunes man..really appreciate em.
Me: (thumbs up)
DK’s Brain: The hell you know bout this shit you probably thought it was Drake.  Where’s my white girl?

My final passengers were headin to Williamsburg and I had some Eminem playing.
Dude in SF Giants’ fitted: Bump that back here my brotha.
DK’s Brain: You’re white.
Me: Word.
Dude: Is that off Eminem’s new album?
Me: Don’t think so..it’s sorta old.
(he then goes on to talk about if I’ve heard his new song..which I believe I have on the radio; and then informs me J.Cole’s new album will be out in October- interestin)
Dude in Glasses: Can I smoke in your cab?
Me: Only if you breathe the smoke away from the cab as well as your cigarette.
D.I.G: Yeah whatever man I need to smoke this bad..you got a cigarette lighter?
Me: No.  Well, I have the car one.  Don’t know if it works like that though.
(to be fair, since I don’t smoke cigarettes I never cared if they did)
D.I.G: Arghhhhhh!
DK’s Brain: Weirdo.

The dude in the fitted talks to me in length about this rapper he really likes (which is a shame that I don’t remember this guy’s name because I actually wanted to look him up on Youtube) and DMX comes on.  He told me a story about how DMX went to the studio one time and allowed a photographer to follow him; and how he and this other dude went on a four hour coke binge.  Where my snow at?? It’s right here dawg.  Grrrrr SNIFF SNIFF what the deal?!

That’s it for today.  And so on.


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