DK’s NYC Taxi Cab Chronicles (from 5/25/10).

Days like yesterday are perfect examples of why I don’t fully appreciate beautiful days outside..nobody wants to get inside a cramped up cab when you can walk outside.  I will say though not too much happened outside of these:

I was going down 7th avenue and I pick up this extra large African-American lady who is heading to Riverside Drive.  She was a nice lady and all..but she took a good 20 seconds to get inside the cab.  As she was directing me this is how it sounded like:
Me: So take 8th avenue to Broadway right?
Her: 8th avenue…to Broadway..to Amsterdam (breaths after each one).
DK’s Brain: Talking should NOT be a strenuous workout.
She starts eatin what I believe are fries in my cab and this ain’t cool since at that point I’m hungry (the hunger pang would go away though) and then she tells me I have to take her to a store.
DK’s Brain: For more food are you fuckin jokin?
Her: I’ll be right back.
DK’s Brain: She better be gettin a Naked Juice.
Her: (returns with some flowers)
DK’s Brain: Aww how nice.  I hope that’s not dinner, though.

She directs me to her building which is the first door on the left-hand side..but I can’t drop her off in front because there’s a car to my right that would be blockin the street too.  After hesitating in regards to how much to give me, she gives me a 70 cent tip on a $12.30 probably due to this but listen..it’s okay to walk uphill 75 yards you know?

I pick up this couple from Madison & 93rd headin towards the South Street Seaport (but of course, they’re not actually going THERE..they’re givin me the general area & then directing me from that point).  I have to be nice though..they wouldn’t know that I have a GPS in my car unless I told them & was able to input their intersection.  They tell me to hop on the FDR..which is the best idea obviously..except that that shit ain’t movin one iota.  Oh but why?  The lady tells me to put it on 1010 WINS and they say there’s an accident on the FDR around 86th street (aka around where I entered the highway) but I don’t see anything.  Oh yeah, a fender-bender on the side was the reason.  I would usually say you’ve got to be kidding me but the thing is..on the FDR it’s hella narrow so there’s not like anywhere you can pull over persay.  Regardless..you have GOT to be kiddin me.  Situations like these make me feel good because hey; I’m gettin extra money for not moving because it’s a request the PASSENGER made..not me.  Other way around= complaining, huffin/puffin.

Guy (screaming): TAXI!!!
Me: WTF??
Guy (hops in): Bus Terminal
Me: Which one?
DK’s Brain: Brain Freeze.
Guy: Which other one would it be besides Port Authority.
DK’s Brain: Tourist moments FOR THE LOSS.
Me: Ahh, haha duh. (embarrassed)

I would expect this during rush hour but NOT at 10pm at night:
Guy (exasperated): You available.
Me: (motions him to get in the car)
Guy: (what I thought he said) 42nd and 2nd.
Me: 42nd? or 47th?
Guy: 47th. Four-Seven. 47th and 2nd.
Guy: 47thand2nd. Ifyou’regoingup3rdthen3rdand46th.
(yes that’s how he sounded)
DK’s Brain: Don’t be a smartass with me.

I cruise up 3rd avenue and am about to drop him off on 3rd and 46th as he told me.
Guy: Make that turn on 46th street. 2nd and 46th street.
DK’s Brain: Will. You. Calm. The. Fuck. Down??
Me: Gotcha, gotcha, yessir.
Guy: Near left corner is fine.  How much do I owe you, $7.10?  Do you have enough change?
DK’s Brain: For once I do yes.  Even if it’s a fuckin $100.
Me: Yep.
Guy: Or do you need me to give you exact change?
Me: At this point it’s up to you.
Guy: No! It’s up to you you need to tell me or else I can hop in another cab and ask for change.
DK’s Brain: Come again?? Hell fuckin no.
Me: I have enough change so it’s all good.
Guy hands me a $20; I give him the change and his exasperated ass gets out with a receipt.
DK’s Brain: I got a headache.

The more you know: A couple who were visiting from England were shocked to see a yellow cab pull over someone.  Yes, undercover cops can be disguised as cab drivers.  NIGHTMARES.  To the untrained eye; you would never know..but a few of ways to know a NYC Taxi Cop Car:
1) The occupied light is always off.
2) The passenger is sitting in the front.
3) They’re white.  No, I’m serious..you really don’t see white cab drivers.
4) The medallion number will start with either 2W or 6Y.
Otherwise; it’s a pretty good ploy to try & get people.  It’s not like the Impalas where they have hella antennas that give them away.  There are about 20 of these cars roaming around.

That’s all the time we have for today.  And so on.


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