01
Jun
10

DK’s Brain- Top 5 Arch Rivals.

I haven’t drove since Friday because I’m still waiting for my renewal license to be mailed to me.  Since I was a little later than I should have been with filing away everything, I may not return to the roads until as early as Thursday.  It didn’t help either that on my way home on Friday night, I ran into a rock & fucked up TWO of my tires.  An already shitty week got shitter as a result.  And this past weekend wasn’t even poppin for me..it just feels like every weekend becomes more and more overrated.  Dunno why.

Anyhow, I digress.  It’s already tough as fuck drivin in Manhattan with a private vehicle.  However, the landmines become worse behind that yellow & black car everyone hates.  All of a sudden it feels like everyone is coming after you or has some vendetta.  People who’d normally would do as much as Eddy Curry has for the Knicks the past two years suddenly think it’s aight to spit, hit, leave trash, cut in front of (for no reason usually), walk hella slowly in front of, my cab.  I bet if I yelled at them & asked if they’d do it if I was drivin a regular car they would close their mouths like Superhead should have closed her legs.  With that said:

1) Livery/Gypsy Cabs- This is a no-brainer.  These guys usually drive the black cars (though occasionally they’re grey, white or green) and in reality they’re only supposed to take people to and from the airport, or if someone calls for a cab in advance.  They’re not supposed to pick people up from the street- but this is widely ignored due to supply & demand at times (especially weekend nights).  These guys love to cut in front of you for no real reason and just drive REAL slow…but try cutting in front of them.  They do NOT take it kindly and will speed up.  They almost serve as the cockblocker at the bar who’ll try to prevent you from scoring with her girlfriend.  I don’t give a fuck about them in Harlem/Washington Heights/BK/Bronx/Queens- pick up whoever the fuck you want but not in my territory (rest of Manhattan).

2) Other yellow cabbies- People ask me occasionally “Aren’t you guys a family?” Yeah right, in this concrete jungle it’s every man for themselves.  This isn’t to say that a cab driver will always cut 3-4 lanes in front of you to pick up what would have been your passenger or try to run you off the road…but you have to be cognizant of everything near & around you.  If my cab is empty it’s best to drive on the far right or far left lane (where the passengers are gonna be waiting by the corner) but if multiple cabs in front of me are empty- you know one of them is gonna pick up someone eventually..and the problem is that a lot of them drive too close to each other; causing a domino effect.  That can work to my advantage at times and I can slide in front of all of them.  How 97% of the time cab drivers don’t hit each other is a miracle but we know no matter how aggressive we are; we cannot afford actually hitting each other.  Also, just because you cut in front of a fellow cabbie doesn’t mean you’re gonna get that passenger.  The passenger may see you do that yet still get in the other cab; and there’s vice versa too.

3) Bikers- I understand, yes it’s a good form of working out, catching fresh air, environmentally safe, etc.  But some of these fucks swear they OWN the streets when in fact yall just own one lane.  Most of them ride alright…but then you have those insane ones that will weave in and out of traffic hella quickly.  Not needed.  These Grade A Jackasses the other day had a red light while I had the turning green light on Broadway…yet acted as if the light was green & kept going.  I nearly hit them.  I cussed them out, though.  It doesn’t help me when quite a few passengers want to get off on corners that are on bike lanes too.

4) Motorcycles- Same as bikers…except they go at high rates of speed. And of course they travel in packs often so you know when they come from one side- they’re comin from all sides.  Makes it next to impossible to cut lanes when you have to.

5) Pedestrians- I get it; we gotta yield for yall.  But not ALL THE FUCKIN TIME.  Look, when it says walk it doesn’t mean shuffle your feet it’s LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT. Put some pep in your steps.  We all have places to go, this is NYC not Cut Bank, Montana.  When you see that my light is about to turn green that does NOT mean go ahead and run across all four lanes.

That’s all the time we have for today.  And so on.

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