DK’s NYC Taxi Cab Chronicles (The Waiting Game).

Overall, it was a mildly entertaining night last night but since most people’s attention is on the USA-England game I’m gonna keep it brief.  Arguably the biggest double-edged sword pet peeve is waiting on customers.  Double edged because while you’re wasting valuable time…you’re still also making money because the meter is running.  Not to mention it gives me time to chill out & check up on what I’ve missed on the phone (typically nothing, though).

I’m goin down Times Square and this Indian family doesn’t necessarily hail me down but they look into my van.  One of them asks me if I could fit seven people.  I hesitate not only because there are cops right there, but also because yes they’re Indian ha.  “But c’mon we’re with 3 small kids” one of the fathers tell me and I say fuck it alright..but if I get in trouble I’ll be hella pissed.  They all get in, smellin like curry in a hurry n shit needing to go downtown towards the World Trade Center.  Yes, the dude’s smell overpowered my air freshener..not cool.  The dude sittin in the front is on his phone (what else is new?) talkin HELLA loud which is irritating me but whatever.  They ask me where there is a public bathroom (we don’t have any..but I can see if I can stop at a McDonalds or something) and I tell them that most establishments are for customers only.  “Not even when I have a kid?” Man look, I don’t know how that shit works, you can try.  I find a hotel nearby on 29th and Broadway so the man can stop with his kid while the rest of them wait in my cab.  This process takes about 7 minutes of my life that I can’t get back.

When they finally return (of course the meter is still running and probably added about $2-$3 to the trip at this point I wasn’t keeping track), you can sense this faint stench of soap-covered shit.  WARM WATER FOR 20 SECONDS DAMNIT!!  Then on top of that he wanted the AC on.  IT’S 62 DEGREES OUTSIDE!! THE AC?? REALLY?? Yall Indians be handling 100+ degrees but can’t handle 62? Roll the fuckin window down.  Then I drop them off at the wrong hotel accidentally because I had forgotten they were goin to the Millennium Hilton (I took em to the Holiday Inn Express-Downtown).  Fare $19.90. They pay $20.  Mumbai-bai bitches fuck outta here.  When I arrived I literally pointed both fingers in the air thanking Jesus.

My final passengers for the night I happened to pick up on Avenue A & Houston Street.  I sensed something stupid was about to go down not only due to the location, but also the time (it was around 345am).  Even though there were about two empty cabs in front of me these three black people decide to hail mine probably because it was a van..nobody knows and get inside.  A token white girl comes in also and they try to get two of their other friends to come inside but they’re not.  For about 45 seconds they don’t tell me where they’re going before finally telling me they’re going to Queens.  The white girl cannot close my door for shit & it flies open when I drive off.  Fortunately it’s a sliding door.  After about a block the white girl tells me to pull over for a minute.  Why?  She realizes that she doesn’t have her keys for the apartment because she left them with her friend/roommate who is now nowhere to be found.  I pull over.  This minute turns into at least 10 minutes between the phone calls, her running BACK to the original place barefooted and then the black dude getting out the cab himself to go after HER.  “This is not a joke I need these keys.” says the white girl.  Meanwhile I’m on my twitter chillin.  The entire time my door is open.  Why?  Nobody knows.  I tell the white girl when she gets back in to at least slide it shut & she obliges..to an extent- it’s cracked.  At 4am though do I really expect them to understand anything?  Finally, their friend shows up with the purse “OMG THANK YOU SOOO MUCH.”  Whatever.  Can I just drop yall off & go home for the love of God.  This dude who I guess was hittin on her asks “is there any more room in the cab” and FINALLY they shut the door (due to creepiness).  Niggerish.  Unlike the Indians, they tipped well (25%) and honestly..they better had; considering what I had to deal with.  I hope they chugged Gatorade this morning.

Fear the Bridge & Tunnel Saturday.  And so on.


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