DK’s Brain- Five Questions.

Questions people really ask me in the cab:

Q: What good places are there to eat around the Empire Hotel (63rd and Broadway)?
A: After you tipped me $0.00 I ain’t gonna tell you even if I did know.  I’ll pull the oblivious “I don’t know”.  For real- I really didn’t but if you’re gonna tip me shitty and then ask me a question…don’t expect me to answer.

Q: You’re American?!  Oh my God that’s a first!  I thought you were African (no offense).  Finally somebody that speaks English!!
A: Is it?  I doubt it seriously.  I’m first-generation American born (straight outta Brooklyn) and my parents emigrated from Haiti.

Q: Guys here in NYC are so vapid or they’re gay.  How do I find one?
A: That ain’t my problem.  You most likely have set your standards too high.  Part of the reason why it’s hard for us dudes to date here is because of this- either you gotta have the money, a certain lifestyle, a certain look on some fairytale Sex & The City/The Bachelorette shit that we cannot pull off.  Then you go with a guy that may have that but is hollow everywhere else- hence you pull the vapid card.  Then yes, you find a guy that relates to you; is flamboyant…but relates to you too well.  Then you find out he’s gay and you pull ur “UGHHHH”.  Let your hair down and bring your standards down a little bit when it comes to monetary items.  Go to sports bars, concerts and the ilk.

Q: Do you think all these yuppies moving into Brooklyn have ruined it?
A: Yes.  Without question.  They’ve driven up the price of apartments exuberantly and have killed the essence of what Brooklyn is.  Yet they’re the first ones bitchin about the pace & look of the city.  This ain’t Woodstock 1994 mothafucka.

Q: How do you deal with retards walking/driving everyday?
A: All that goes through my mind is trying to get the passenger who I don’t know goin from point A to point B.  I do wish though it was Grand Theft Auto & I could OD on some of these schmucks…particularly those with Jersey license plates who have no inkling how to drive in Manhattan and people who walk at the speed of the BP Oil Spill cleanup.  I always find a way around those who walk..but driving, not so much.  Just gotta deal with it because your job/livelihood is always on the line.

And so on.


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July 2010
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