14
Jul
10

DK’s NYC Taxi Cab Chronicles (Meatpacking District Fuckery).

By far the most interesting section for me to drive through is the Meatpacking District or what I affectionately call the MPD.  Out of all the places in Manhattan, this is the place to be seen with their nightclubs (Tenjune, Kiss & Fly, Cielo to name a few) as well as the Gavesvoort & Standard Hotels.  You get a little bit of everything- from the internationals who come from Italy, France, etc..to the Bridge & Tunnel brigade…to the Upper East (Cheap) Side squad.  It’s a hella small area stretching from 9th avenue/Hudson Street to 10th avenue (with Washington Street in the middle) and going south from about 14th street to Gavesvoort Streets (so really just 7 or 8 total blocks).

Some of the most retarded passengers are the ones that I pick or drop off here (but primarily pick up).  Yesterday was no exception as I went 2-2 witnessing idiocy.

1) Three ladies at a stop sign decide they want to get in my cab.  No problem..except they’re a part of the $1 Tip Nation (the Indian version).  Hesitantly I pick them up; even though I have no interest in doing so.
Me: Where yall goin?
Woman: Take me to a Mexican restaurant.
Me: Umm…
Woman: Yeah I know you probably don’t know.  Take the cab up 8th avenue.
DK’s Brain: I do know your red dot is a target for me to spit on though; shut the FUCK up.
Me: Yeah I don’t.
Woman (when we get towards 8th avenue): Actually go straight down.
DK’s Brain: What does this bitch want from me this ain’t CityGuide.
(sees the ladies lookin hella hard on both sides of the street)
DK’s Brain: I should take them to Caliente’s ha.
Woman: Actually, right between Broadway & 4th avenue is fine we’ll get off here (to take the subway; good riddance).
That $7 I got from them lowered my IQ a few points though.

2) Probably the funniest couple I’ve ever encountered…even though I couldn’t get myself to laugh initially.  This French guy and his girlfriend I thought were gonna get into a Ford Escape cab that was in front of mine so I figured okay I didn’t luck out.  The guy sees these 3 girls instead going for that cab too so he lets them use it & hails mine down.  As soon as the door is open:
Girl: Did you really have to make me walk further because of those bitches?
Guy (insert French accent for him): IT WAS AN EXTRA FUCKING YARD!  I WANTED THIS CAB BECAUSE IT’S BIGGER.
Girl: But that’s not fair that you made me do that..so retarded we could have gotten that cab but you forced me to walk more.
Guy: SHUT THE FRUCK UP!  CANNOT BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE BITCHING ABOUT WALKING AN EXTRA FEW STEPS.
Girl: But it was unnecessary.
Guy: BITCH SHUT UP.
Me: Umm…where are yall going?
Guy: 10tTH STREET AND 1ST AVENUE.
Girl: The other cab was just as big..
Guy: Sir, right is your cab bigger than the other one (the Escape)?
Me: Yezzir it is.
Guy: THANK YOU, BITCH YOU KNOW NOTHING!!

I didn’t know walkin an extra few steps in those cobblestone streets were that serious.  Granted, I feel for the chicks because they’re wearin hella high heels and it can get tricky.  Apparently though the girl had a fractured foot…but I don’t know how that was the case when she had no cast on it AND was still wearin heels.  Trooper.

Guy: I PAY FOR DINNER AND A COUPLE DRINKS FOR YEUUU, YOU DANCE ALL NIGHT WITH YOUR “FRACTURED FOOT” AND NOW YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT WALKING “ohhh it’s too far” SHUT THE FUCK UP FUCKING BITCH YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR MIND!!
Girl: Please stop yelling at me..
Guy: I AM NOT YELLING!!  YOU THE ONE BEING A BITCH!  I WANTED THE BIGGER CAB
Girl: For what, so you can stretch your balls?
Then there’s a brief period of silence in which they seem to kiss & make up; the guy is kissin her all over her face & then she asks for a foot massage.
Guy: A FOOT MASSAGE?? FOR UR BROKEN FOOT THAT YOU WERE DANCING ON ALL NIGHT?? LEMME GET OUT, SIR SIR.
DK’s Brain: The cab is movin and this ain’t the movie SPEED and oui oui je ne sais quoi sit your ass down.
They’re still arguin over this shit, he throws all the cuss words out except cunt (that’s probably the dealbreaker) and eventually I pull over to the corner to drop him off.  The chick is dead silent and I don’t wanna say nothin to her either for the rest of the ride.

After I wrapped my head around it, that’s when I died laughin.  And so on.

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