DK’s NYC Taxi Cab Chronicles (Bitter Bitch Bureau).

As we all know, women are some hella emotional creatures.  I don’t give a fuck if they claim they’re “heartless”; that’s still evoking a strong emotion toward somethin ha.  When they fall for somethin, they fall hard but it takes a while to build trust.  But once a trust’s gone, it’s gone forever and Funkmaster Flex will have to drop a few bombs to demonstrate how one can go off.

I just dropped off someone in Williamsburg and I’m driving back down on Broadway to get to the Williamsburg Bridge.  Since I don’t necessarily want to pick anyone up at this point I put my off-duty lights off but I see these two white chicks hailing for a cab near the Marcy Avenue train station so I turn my lights off and let em in.  They greet me and tell me their destination (Greenwich Street & Spring Street- they’re goin to this bar I can’t remember its name but I have been there before).  I have the Capone-N-Noreaga album poppin (which by the way, if you love 90s hip-hop you’ll def appreciate the album- even if it’s depressin as fuck sometimes) and they ask for some radio action.  I put it on 92.3NOW for them ha.

The taller one was rockin a aqua blue dress and lookin quite dapper I must admit…redhead probably around my height with those heels on.  She was the one to go off.  She’s hella angry at her ex boyfriend and is telling her friend all about it. “FUCK HIM! ALL I ASKED FOR WAS FOR MY SHIRT BACK AND HE TOLD ME TO GET A GRIP??? WHAT A PUSSY, GAH!”  Ha well I have no idea why he is one, at least for now.  Then she pulled out the classic line “I used to think he was amazing- I would go out my way for him and I NEVER did that for anyone else before…but now I just think he’s a pussy and a monster.  A total monster.”  Umm..wait a second; how can someone be a pussy AND a monster?  Unless you’re referring him as a Lady Gaga?  Yeah, that’s probably it.  “I hope he goes finds other bitches and fucks other bitches because you wanna know why?? Because he’s gonna be the only one to enjoy it.  He was HORRIBLE in bed.  Absolutely HORRIBLE.  Yeah I’ve told you the horror stories but I’m not even gonna bring up S-E-X in this.”  Now you see fellas; if your sex game is off-point you have BETTER work on improving it if you intend on turning into a “monster” or else she will use this against you.  We know where it hurts.  They know where it hurts.

The conversation moved on to other shit that was unimportant but all I know was the smell of their perfume or hairspray was a good overpowering scent.  After they thanked me for the ride, I thanked them for their entertainment and the one who had gone off on her ex decided to give me some advice.  “If there’s one rule in guaranteeing yourself of having a girl, always make her feel special.  Yeah, be a little bit of a dick to her early on if you really like her; if you’re with her and a group of your friends in the beginning don’t be all over her or anything…but when you’re alone make her feel like the one and only.  Don’t give it away too soon or else it’s over.  Also, if you aren’t feelin it, let them know early and be honest with it; we’ll get over it.”  I thanked her ha.  Now if I could only stop my cab and hang out with them…

No, I had to keep it movin.  And so on.


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July 2010
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