DK’s NYC Taxi Rules of Engagement.

I’ve been having one of those apathetic weeks where I don’t really feel like talkin to anyone or socializing…but of course I’ll do so if prompted.  Nevertheless here are a few things that as passengers you need to recognize.

1) If you need to get to the airport (whether it’s JFK or LGA), please do NOT hail a cab an hour BEFORE YOUR FLIGHT IS SUPPOSED TO LEAVE.  I had this couple hail me down at 830opm on Friday night around Rockefeller Center wanting to go to JFK- Delta’s Terminal 3.  They ask me how long it’s gonna take and I gave them a low-ball estimate of 45 minutes because of the fact it was Friday & there were severe thunderstorms in the area.  They exclaim “WHAT??!! Our flight (to Toronto) leaves at 930.”  Granted, they had no luggage or carry-ons with them..but if I hit ANY traffic jam they would have been fucked.  Regardless, it was likely their flight was delayed.  Fortunately for them I got there at 905pm even in the storm but everyone knows you’re supposed to be at the airport 30 min before your flight (and 2 hours for international) and from Manhattan…you take NO chances.  Personally, if I have a flight out of JFK at 4pm- I leave my house at 245pm and it only takes me 10 minutes or so; but you have to take into account possibilities of a long line at checkpoint.  Retards.

2) “Take me to a bar in Chinatown where I can find some older Chinese bitches.  Like in their 30s or 40s…I’m fifty-fuckin two years old I don’t want those girls in their 20s; nor those ABCs (American-Born Chinese.”  Umm, okay?  Do Asians past the age of 30 even party/drink?  I need the answer to that.  Oddly enough Chinatown doesn’t even have that many bars.  It’s probably against their religion.  I dumped dude off somewhere on Mott & Baxter that shit was hella confusing.  He was talkin bout how he lived in China for 20 years and was fluent in Chinese.  I asked him if he liked Korean women and he said that he did…but they’re too conservative for his liking and he doesn’t speak Korean.  Otherwise I woulda taken him to K-Town.

3) If you need to make a stop off somewhere…I usually let the meter run (and that’s what you’re supposed to do) but I made an exception for this dude who needed to go to Taco Bell.  He asked me if I wanted anything ha.  I normally would say yes but I had just ate something and I’m trying to avoid fast food while on this retarded Quick Cleanse (which frankly ain’t workin too well).  I was rewarded with him tippin me $5.50 on a $9.90 fare so it was one of those rare times which someone followed through on their promise and I prob got more for stopping the meter than for letting it run.

4) On 3rd avenue & 11th street; why would you ask me where the nearest pizza spot is?  Maybe because I’m usually hangin out around there I know that New Amici on 12th street is the closest one.  So I tell this chick and her two guy friends this but they wanted somewhere closer to 116th and Amsterdam…yet they didn’t want to go too close to there because they were starvin.  And this is while they’re eating pretzels.  Man I hate those dough pretzels..them shits usually have no taste and the salt is too much for me.  I dumped them off at a Famiglia’s on 43rd and 8th avenue.  They’ll be aight.

5) Tellin me that you need to go to Brooklyn is NOT a destination.  I understand though; you want me to get there and then you’ll direct me from there I respect that since not a lot of cabbies are familiar with places outside of Manhattan.  Frankly on the Geography portion of the test we take (more on this in a later entry); about 85% of the questions are Manhattan-based ones.  With more people moving out to Brooklyn & Queens, knowing those areas will get you brownie points from your passengers.  Most passengers have no problem directing you somewhere because it’s more important for them to not be lost than it is for you to take some roundabout way actin as if you know where you’re goin.  If I actually know how to get somewhere it can piss me off but I do have to put myself in the passengers’ shoes.

6) My quick music recap:  I bought the new Rick Ross and Big Boi bootlegs; as well as Fabolous’ Lamborghini Loso & EPMD old school mixtapes.  If you want a blueprint on how to make it big in today’s “Hip-Pop” game; listen to Rick Ross’ album.  No that’s not a good thing.  All he raps about is money, cars & bitches and he has an all-star cast of cameos.  He has gotten better since he’s found his niche, though.  Big Boi’s album is pretty tough although he definitely misses Andre 3000.  It feels like somethin is missin from an otherwise solid album.  Mixtapes are what they are to me…I used to dig them a lot in high school but for some reason they don’t appeal to me much anymore.

7) Thank yall for not making out in my cab anymore and not askin me if this is Cash Cab…but I do take it in stride.  Here’s two questions I asked yesterday:
– Who is on the $2 Bill?
– How many Broadway streets are there in Manhattan?

8) If someone says “53rd and 6th” you better believe they’re gonna haul ass & wait 30-45 minutes for some chicken & rice.

That’s all the time we have for now.  And so on.


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