Archive for August, 2010

18
Aug
10

DK’s NYC Taxi Cab Chronicles (from 8/17/10).

Yesterday I left my house hella late (around 6:30pm) and paid for it at JFK because the capacity was at an unsightly 90% with very slow activity.  Usually there’s much less people at the airport but for some reason, everyone had the same mentality as I do- fuck the rush hour, stuffy, aggy work crowd.  Yes, that’s why I don’t leave my house at 4:15pm anymore fuck em cheap mothafuckas ha, especially goin back to their plush Park Avenue apartments.  My loyal readers know this, the beggars who are always shakin their cups at me know this, my passengers who still don’t understand how a sliding door operates know this.

I learned a few things yesterday from people.

1) This dude I picked up on the West Side and drove across town was listening to my radio and it somehow led to a conversation about how hard it has been for him to pick up on vernacular English (he called it Black English- which had me rollin) since he returned from France.  He had lived there for three years after being in NYC his whole life and never had he had a problem understanding slang.  Until now.  We agreed that words come and go so quickly that you better keep your ear to the streets.  A word becomes a phrase becomes a lifestyle (see- “swag”).  He tells me that he’s goin to meet up with a fox now and asks me if people still use that terminology.  HA what?? You sure you only spent 3 years in France and not 23?  The only time I’ve ever heard “Fox” being used is to either describe the channel, Foxy Brown or Jeff Foxworthy.

2) While stuck in traffic because they decided to block off 2nd avenue at 23rd street for construction, me and this chick begin discussin a myriad of things (primarily the whole education vs. salary/job security schlep).  “You’re better off working at Wal-Mart and going up the ranks there as opposed to goin to school and not having any guarantee of a job.”  Who’s to say I can disagree.  It’s always good on a resume or a topic of discussion especially in status-hungry NYC to brag about what school you went to (or go to) and your major I suppose…but after that, what else?  I’m in law school sounds awesome for sure, but in 3 years if you say “I graduated law school..but still looking” ehh..not so much.  People still judge.  I’ve pushed back taking my LSATs a few times because I feel shaky about what exactly having a law degree will do for me.  I’ve decided though to take it this coming February.  Also, we both wondered how the fuck those Psychic Reading places manage to stay open for YEARS, even though nobody goes into them ha.

3) “I only got $10 on me brotha.” I HATE when people tell you this when you almost reach your destination and they know it’s gonna go over that.  To be fair to the man, we got stuck in a little bit more traffic than we should have.  He was interesting though- works at the Empire State Building and has gotten to understand fairly well five different languages.  Who needs Rosetta Stone?  Speakin of which, I’d try to learn all that shit the Bengalis/Paki/Indians speak just to wonder how much shit they talk behind everybody’s backs ha.  Damn cobras.

And so on.

16
Aug
10

DK’s NYC Taxi Cab Chronicles (Weekend Recap).

I don’t really have much to say to be quite honest.  That’s partially the reason why I don’t recap EVERY trip anymore, because you don’t wanna sound too redundant as some of my colleagues have told me in the past.  This weekend though there were a couple of instances that grinded my gears and a couple that made me shake my head in disbelief.

In the infamous MPD on Friday night these cops caught this regular car drivin on some stupid shit so they stopped him- all while holdin up traffic.  In the process, this tall black chick gets in my cab and asks me to drop her off on 131st and 8th or some shit.  I don’t start up the meter because we haven’t moved so when they finally pull them over I start the meter up.  About 30 seconds into this, she mentions “Oh I have a change of plans can we stop here?”  Um, what okay..pay up.  “Can you not charge me, pleaseeeee? I didn’t even go a block.”  I let her (and these next broads I’ll mention in a second) off the hook but I sternly reminded them that in the future you will find cab drivers that demand payment because that $3.50 is something that comes out of my pocket for your negligence.  At the very least you should give me a dollar so I can cover the MTA tax.

These next broads damn near singlehandedly ruined my night.  They hail me down, get in and ask me to take them to 9th avenue and 12th street.  Keep in mind, that we already are on 9th avenue and Little West 12th.  West 12th is actually 4 blocks away but I had the oddest feeling that they were talkin about LW12.  I tell them that it’s right there and there’s no need for me to take them.  One of the girls insists that I do because they don’t know where it is.  With that, I start the meter.  Then she asks if I don’t charge them.  I’m pretty pissed off because I told them how close they are (and in fact, when the other girl said Tenjune I told them it was around the corner).  She asks again, and I sternly tell her what I told the other chick from yesterday.  They pull the bullshit “oh I’m sorry” which I ain’t havin any of and then a cop stops me.

They get out without paying and now I’m stuck dealing with this cop askin me for my rate card.  After about five minutes or so he returns and tells me my brakelights aren’t working.  He turned out to be correct but I mean, really??  This is what I’m being stopped for??  So he asks for my HACK license and DMV licenses & tells me to go off-duty.  He does tell me that it’s nothing serious..but if it’s nothing serious why do you have all my shit for?  “The owner of the cab would receive a $25/no points summons for this.  If you get three of these within a year then you ultimately will get a point on your DMV license..but since you are pretty new I’ll let you off.”  All of this while I’m sittin therre for another 10 minutes before a female cop tells me to pull over to the other side.  Realizing this is going nowhere, after pulling over I turn off my car to save gas/battery and just stand there perplexed.  This other driver comes to me asking what I got pulled over for and I tell him.  This kid apparently didn’t have either of his licenses with him so they were about to tow his cab ha.  What I found out is that sometimes if it’s a 24-hour shift, cabbies will let their friends who look hella similar to them drive part of a shift…with a huge risk (and that’s one of them).  After waiting almost 40 minutes I finally get my shit.  But now I also have to run to the garage and get these damn brakelights fixed (another 15 minutes) so pretty much an hour wasted on bullshit.  Good for nothin.

I decided to have some fun on Saturday so I posted this sign in the cab (a friend of mine made me a much better looking one recently).  It only lasted all of perhaps 10 cab rides before some chick took it off and then proceeded to take it with her.  Why?  NOBODY KNOWS.  All I remember hearing in the back was ruffling of paper and the tape being peeled off.  She thought she was slick- I knew she had taken the sign but I wasn’t gonna say anything because she tipped me well.  But why the fuck would she steal my sign?  This flummoxed me for about an hour because I worked 13% hard on this sign.

I was drivin down Houston Street and I see from about 2-3 blocks away this chick hailing a cab so after the lights all turn green- me being the only empty cab going west I figured I had this chick on lockdown.  For some reason however, as I’m about to pull up to the corner and pick her up- this other cab driver perpendicular to me honks his horn and the chick runs over to his cab!  Even though he’s stopped at a red light!  Damn it made me feel like I was at the bar again gettin cockblocked.  Or like that time in high school where I was tryin to holla at this chick but everywhere I turn around there was this kid who just stood there and would always pull her back.  Even though you knew he wasn’t about shit.  My God that chick was retarded.  I’m sure the dude felt great about himself but I personally couldn’t believe this for about 10 minutes.  Then I got a Brooklyn fare that was almost $24 and I got over it ha.

This isn’t England so why the fuck would you try to hail a cab from one of those “islands” that separates north from south on Broadway (like this black couple did).  “He’s gonna try and kill us.”  Uhh, no in fact I was trying to get as close as possible to yall (angled also) without my cab being the one gettin killed, but that’s cool.  You know how it is when people give you that chuckle shit.  Anyway, I drop them off closeby and my $5.50 fare is greeted with $5.95 total.  Are times that hard where you don’t have an extra nickel?  The dude tells me to drive safer and to not come close to killin anyone else…then says he’s fuckin with me.  Shut the fuck up no you’re not, “bruh”.

And so on.

15
Aug
10

DK’s Brain- The 4am Cabbie Power Hour.

I strive to hit my money goals as early as possible and then hightail outta here and go home.  This is never a problem for me Sundays-Thursdays because the city has a tendency of slowing down drastically after a certain time.  On Sundays-Wednesdays we’re usually talking around midnight and Thursdays around 2am or so (for now- when school starts up again this should be a different story).  This past weekend however, I have stumbled upon a hella profitable yet risky way to make as much as $50 in an hour and that’s..the 4am crew.

4am is a transitional hour for most cab drivers- since in regards to their leases with the garages they fuck with their shifts are from either 4am-4pm or 4pm-4am.  What does this mean for the passenger?  Lots of waiting for a cab, at least 10-20 minutes worth.  The cabs that ARE available usually have their off-duty lights on and will only pick up who they feel is either going the direction they want or someone who doesn’t look too trashed.  Again, this is technically illegal to do but really…who’s gonna follow through on calling 311 to report a driver that doesn’t wanna pick them up when they themselves are drunk as fuck ha?  A cab driver doesn’t have to pick up a passenger if he/she looks hella inebriated and may either pass out or vomit in your cab.  And that can and will fuck up a shift BAD.

Also, give these people have taken full advantage of the club or the bar, you can bet Bernie Madoff’s money (circa 2005) that these clowns are gonna be in an undesirable mindset.  Rowdy, uncouth, or even possibly rude.  Don’t nobody want to deal with that buffoonery.  For example, Friday night I picked up these 3 dudes that needed to go to Harlem (148th and Convent) from Marquee.  Even though I was flying on 10th ave, the retarded obsession with the West Side Highway reared its head again so they asked twice hella hard.  They needed to calm down because I was gonna make the turn (reluctantly)…only for them 5 minutes later to tell me to speed up to some white car so they can look at some broad they had no chance with.  Think about it, you tryin to holla at a broad in a yellow cab.  Next.

The partition is your best friend for sure though, close that bad boy up especially if you see a group that wants a cab.  Driving a minivan of course I have the unenviable disposition of potentially bringing in a group of 5 or 6…where anything can happen.  This is an ultimate wild card hour, because nobody is too interested in public transportation or driving- you can end up with a sick fare such as a Tribeca-Middle Village one for $31.50 ($32 with tip because they knew no better tipwise).  Other cab drivers take the safe route and just park themselves at hotels waiting for people to take them to JFK or LGA.

The only cab drivers who potentially can take advantage of this 4am power hour Fridays & Saturdays are those who own their medallions or for those working a 24-hour shift.  This is hella few and far between.  The people who need cabs..not so much.  Advantage- me.  To an extent.  Prayer is my best medicine in these instances.

And so on.

11
Aug
10

DK’s Brain (Things That Make You Go Hmm).

Most rides are the typical climb in/say hi/tell me destination and that’s all it consists of.  At this stage of the game, I’m not the excited, beat-bumpin driver I once was- though that comes out more on the weekends.  However, these are the top 6 things that don’t necessarily grind my gears..but makes you wonder what the fuck are they supposed to mean.

1) Tellin me a broad area.  For example, I picked up an orthodox Jew (I found out by the way that they really don’t do the typical “hail”- they just raise their hands like they were at school) and he tells me to go to Williamsburg.  Nothing else.  Mind you, on the BQE there are two exits for Williamsburg going eastbound- Flushing Avenue & Metropolitan Avenue.  The more Jewish area is Flushing Avenue sure…but how am I really supposed to assume that?  So I take Metropolitan Avenue because that’s what I’m more accustomed to.  “You were supposed to get off Flushing (exhales 3-4 times).”  I tell him straight up that you gotta be more specific.  DON’T ASSUME I’M SUPPOSED TO KNOW EXACTLY WHERE  YOU WANT ME TO GO!  He simply keeps exhaling and telling me to turn around to go to Wythe Ave (thank you ) and then to make a left.  The fare was $13.90 and he gave me 13 singles.  I didn’t even bother askin him for the extra dollar.

2) “This is perfect.” What the fuck ha?  What if I move 6 inches away from the spot, will it no longer be perfect?  Are you just saying this as positive reinforcement?  Or is the bullseye really that big to the point where really anywhere on that corner/in front of the building is “perfect”?  I hate when passengers say this- but more in a “lol” way.

3) “It’s okay.” You can call that the remix to #2 but the international version.  I let this slide because their English isn’t that good.  This is also said when they pay me and they’re telling me to keep the change “no it’s okay. bye.”

4) People who pay with credit card and ask for the receipt.  Part of me gets it because you need to remind the driver that you need it; but at the same time I feel like telling them “Umm, the receipt automatically prints when you choose credit card dummy.”  If anything when I’m a rider I tell them that that I DON’T need the receipt and take off from there.

5) This dude pressed “CASH” initially and then pressed “NO” thinking that it was asking him if he wanted to pay in that form or not.  Clearly though when you are paying cash the screen asks if you need a receipt or not followed by YES, NO or BACK (which is what he wanted to press).  By the time he tells me “I wanted to pay with my card” it’s already too late.  There’s no going back for me to input the total for example and then have him pay with the card.  He tells me he feels bad.  I feel bad that he couldn’t read.  He gives me a $5 which apparently is all the cash he had for a $8.30 fare.

6) This chick hops in at Delancey Street and tells me to take her to Brooklyn.  No problem obviously and the fare is $15.10.  She tries to pay with credit card…but it’s declined.  Tries it again (because sometimes the CC machine may not read it properly) and doesn’t work.  Hmm.  She tells me that she doesn’t understand why this is the case when she has over $2K in her bank account (well thanks for telling me like I care- I got more than you).  So she finds an ATM and they won’t let her take out any money (supposedly) so I ask her if she has another card.  She tells me she doesn’t so then…she takes out a checkbook??  She writes me a check for $21 and I thank her but am hella confused.  I figure the check is gonna bounce so I go to her bank TD BANK on Sunday to try and cash it.  The teller in the front tells me to hold on and out comes another guy.
“We are unable to process this check at this time.”
I’m dying laughing on the inside only because they didn’t wanna be real with me and tell me this broad is most likely broke.
“Come back later on I guess, or give her a call.”

Yeah, whatever.  And so on.

09
Aug
10

DK’s NYC Taxi Cab Chronicles (The PMS Files).

Lately things had been rolling along smoothly.  Good for me because I’m not stressed; bad for this blog because I haven’t had much interesting shit go down.  This past weekend was one of those where the trips themselves were good; but the tips were awful.  Maybe it’s because I went shopping at Express and wore some of their graphic tees to work?

On Saturday, I’m down around 6th avenue & Bleeker Street and this chick gets in with a guy friend.  The second she hops in the cab she’s sounding all exasperated and shit, asking me if my AC works and if my credit card machine work.  I tell her that both of them do and the second I finish sayin the word “do” she tells me to crank it all the way up and to close all the windows in the cab.  Including mine.  Mine?? Seriously?? You can’t tell ME to close MY front window but I guess I understood because if the partition is on you can feel the air from my window.  Anyway, I do as she says (my AC in the front is on low because I don’t need it) and they complain that it’s only blowing hot air at the moment.  I tell her that because I haven’t had the need to turn it on that she’d have to give it a minute.  Everything is cool again (cool meaning we’re minding our own business- even though she’s rambling to her guy friend about gender roles & boring shit).  I get to 85th and Central Park West and she goes “Go through the light please make the light” and I tell her that we’re obviously gonna make it and I begin to slow down as we approach her block.  “What are you doing, I’ll tell you when to slow down & stop keep going.”  Um…okay.  So I speed up a bit (meaning 200 feet) and then she tells me to stop so I do.  For about 10 seconds I had forgotten that my meter was still running and I didn’t press “time off”.  I usually do way early so they can just pay as the cab moves and I can get the fuck out of dodge.  But I forgot and the bitch goes “You’re just gonna keep running the meter? Gah!” I tell her to calm down.  I ain’t even expecting a tip from her needy ass (and didn’t get it- even though the fare was $15.10) and she asks for a receipt.  I don’t look at her while I turn the AC off and roll my windows back down and hand it to her.  She thanks me and I don’t acknowledge her, though I really should have said “No, Thank You” sarcastically.  I peel off when she gets out.

I’m rollin down 2nd avenue now at around 2ish and I see this blonde chick.  She asks me if I could go to Staten Island and I tell her fine.  After all, going to SI for me is actually to my advantage because from there I can take a straight shot from the Verrazano to the Belt Parkway home.  She’s willing to pay me $85 for the trip and I tell her obviously that ain’t gonna be a problem.  But of course, I’m not gonna put that as a flat rate since it’s illegal to do so, so I let the meter run like it normally would.  I do tell her it’s gonna come out to about $60 but she doesn’t care.  Everything is cool until we get near the Verrazano when she starts barkin at someone over the phone in Russian.  Lord knows what that’s about and that’s not really my concern.  I get there fairly quickly to the spot (which happens to be on a dead end street) and she hops out the cab.  While there, there’s three other people (presumably her friends) and she’s livid at them for making her come all the way out to SI for seemingly no reason.  Again, this is in all-Russian so I wouldn’t know.  I just want my money and her ex-boyfriend gives it to me and I’m on my way.

Only problem is, this dead-end street is so effin narrow that I can’t K-Turn out of there.  I try for about 5 minutes before deciding that the only way I’m getting out is if I back out.  As I’m doing this, finding an unoccupied driveway in the process so I can make my K-Turn- out comes the blonde chick running to my cab telling me she wants to go back to Jersey.  She just wants to get the hell out of there and now her friend comes running after her.  They argue for about 5-10 minutes while I’m chillin wonderin what the hell is going on.  Ultimately the blonde tells me let’s go now.  Her friend has my front door open and asks me for the money back because the other girl is gonna pay her way now since she’s not staying.  I basically tell both of them to leave me out of this because I’m getting my money either way for this trip (and something in my mind told me the blonde had no intentions of paying- so I was keepin the shit), and besides it was the dude that paid, not you.  She threatens to call the police (which I dared her to) and she closes the door and I’m on my way to Weehauken.  We agree to a $50 flat rate plus toll.  I plug the chick’s addy into the GPS and we’re out.

It’s a 20 mile drive to Weehauken (no walk in the park) but I figure this shouldn’t take more than a half hour at 330 in the morning.  I get on the Staten Island Expressway to 440 North and take that for seemingly forever.  I make a wrong turn but I easily rectify that issue..no problems thus far- we’re halfway home.  All of a sudden when I’m about seven miles from the destination this broad begins to blow up on me:

Her: WHAT’S TAKING SO LONG TO GET THERE HOW FAR ARE WE?? WHAT ROUTE IS THIS YOU’RE ON?? IT’S ONLY SUPPOSED TO TAKE TWENTY MINUTES TO GET TO WEEHAUKEN!!
Me: Miss, I’m following the route the GPS is giving me…
Her: I NEED TO PEE REALLY BAD, THIS ISN’T SUPPOSED TO TAKE THIS LONG, WHERE ARE YOU GOING??? YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TAKE THE BELT PARKWAY TO I-95 SOUTH NORTH OH MY GOD!!
Me: The Belt Parkway doesn’t go through Staten Island..and last time I checked 95 doesn’t go to Weehauken..
Her: YES IT DOES, I USED TO DRIVE THIS EVERYDAY I KNOW IT’S ONLY SUPPOSED TO TAKE 20 MINUTES OH MY GOD!! I’M REALLY A PATIENT PERSON  BUT NOW I’M LOSING MY PATIENCE WHERE ARE YOU GOING???
Me: I’m following the frickin GPS what do you want me to do?? If you knew a better route you would have told me from before and I would have followed it.
(she basically begins to repeat herself so I’m not gonna repeat it on here)
DK’s Brain: How much vodka did this bitch drink tonight?
Me: We’re like 3 miles away…
Her: 3 MILES AWAY HUH WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THERE IN 20 MINUTES IT’S BEEN ALMOST FORTY MINUTES OH MY GOD!!! YOU DON’T KNOW WHERE YOU’RE GOING!!
Me: Yes, the GPS doesn’t know where it’s going.  Maybe I should have left your ass in Staten Island and never picked you back up.
Her: Maybe you shou..SHUT UP! WHAT’S YOUR DISPATCHER?
Me: Myself.
Her: Okay WHO’S YOUR MANAGER??
Me: Myself.
Her: Find me some transportation so I can find my way home OH MY GOD IT’S ONLY SUPPOSED TO BE TWENTY MINUTES!!!
DK’s Brain: I should find you an empty spot on route 1-9 for your ass to hitchhike.
Me: I’ve had enough of your shit (closes partition & keeps driving towards her destination).
(on 495 east)
Her: So now you’re ignoring me when I said to get off at this exit you take the next one…
Me: Yes because it says WEEHAUKEN and that’s what the GPS is telling me and now we’re a half-mile from your house.
Her: GET ME OUT!! I’M CALLING THE POLICE!!
Me: I DARE you to call the police.  Please do actually, because you’re jumping out of a fare.
Her: (closes door and powerwalks home without calling the cops).

You mean to tell me that I go from being a good driver to a shitty driver that doesn’t know where he’s going when BOTH times I had the GPS on?? Oh, and last time I checked, it does NOT take 20 minutes to get there. Google maps BITCH-

Meanwhile- after I figured it out..she wanted me to take THIS route:

Yeah..that makes sense.

You win some and you lose some. To be honest I wasn’t even that pissed, because she had NOTHING on me. Sure, she got out of a $58 fare and that’s a loss that I take. But my pride & who I am didn’t take a hit. Besides, I still got $85 out of a trip to SI that took me what, 25 minutes? And so on.

07
Aug
10

DK’s Brain (GPS I Love You).

As times change, so do the neighborhoods around New York City.  People are expanding out more than ever- which is great for the taxi business but is also a curse.  Before- you were only able to use a five borough map and be able to read it/guide you to where you need to be.  Quite frankly, it’s a hella tedious, distracting and dangerous task to take on- especially considering you have to deal with a lot of dumb fucks on the road on four wheels AND two wheels.  Sure, the passengers can help direct you to where you need to go also- but they’re supposed to be under the impression that you know where you’re going.  After all, we got tested on this shit and we’re driving the cabs; so it’s safe for them to assume this particularly if one is out-of-town.  This isn’t to say you should know every single bar/club/hotel in NYC because nobody does.  But a GPS makes life a HELL of a lot easier and pays itself back in a hurry.

Now to be fair, a GPS is far from perfect.  Sometimes you know a quicker way to get somewhere (or at least a way that you’re much more familiar taking) but it tells you its way.  For trips within Manhattan this isn’t a big deal for me because I mainly use the GPS as a guide.   When it really becomes useful though is those outer borough trips especially when the passenger(s) are drunk and/or tired and just tell you an intersection you have NO clue about.  Plug that bitch into the GPS and let em sleep.  The best example I can think of for how useful a GPS is is last Monday.  I picked up a passenger at the Delta terminal and he told me he needed to go to the Ritz Carlton in White Plains.  He had NO clue where it was; of course I had no idea (since really you’re not required to know anything outside of the five boros & Newark Airport) but fortunately, I was able to type “Ritz Carlton” on the GPS and voila.  That’s a $120 (after tip) fare that wouldn’t have happened had I not had a GPS and considering it only cost $107.54 after tax- it already paid for itself.

Very few cabs do this but also with a GPS you can possibly stay within a borough and pick up some extra fares that otherwise wouldn’t happen.  After dropping off a passenger in Williamsburg, I was getting set to hop back on the bridge into Manhattan but I had a couple hail me down wanting to go to Prospect Heights.  I woulda had no idea how to get there and would have had to shrug them off, but I plugged that bitch in and there’s an extra $11 (after tip) fare.  Then heading back to Manhattan…nope- pick up a group of 5 going to Bushwick.  Another $16 (after tip).

I wouldn’t say it’s an absolute necessity to have a GPS but I 99.9% recommend having one in your cab ha.  It definitely makes life a whole lot simpler not only for you but for your passenger.  And they’ll be impressed as well- given they figure most cabbies aren’t confident with where they’re going.  It saves the passenger time..but most importantly in the cabbie’s race against time- it saves yours.  And so on.

01
Aug
10

DK’s NYC Taxi Cab Chronicles (To Whom It May Concern).

I drive angry sometimes.

To the dude that looked like a professional Magic The Gathering card player: Itsokayyoudonthavetotalktomelikethis.  Calm down, speak and enunciate.  Plus you told me Spring Street & Varick Street and by going to the right side you’re makin me deal with much more traffic headin towards the Holland Tunnel.  Then you make me get off the corner before; I’m tryin to move about 10 feet but you’re tellin me to stop…DON’T YOU SEE I’M BLOCKING PEOPLE??? Then you tip me 70 cents on a 8 dollar cab ride.  Fuck off.

To the dude that took me to Kings Highway & East 94th street: You sure there wasn’t a quicker way than takin the Williamsburg Bridge and takin Broadway FOREVER?? I knew you’d barely tip me ($25 for a $23.50 isn’t cool) but then now I gotta go to fuckin JFK because you’re out by East New York.  Then Linden Boulevard is shut down for some fuckin festival.  Disaster at 10pm right when the city’s poppin off.

To people who sit in the front seat with me: No, I normally do NOT want to talk to you.  Unless I’m in a good mood.  So say hi and keep it movin.  And for those who ask if they can sit in front…I really should say no; but I can’t.

To Kerri (this girl I took to Mill Basin last night): You’re a frickin sweetheart with a smile/giggle that lights up my life.  Too bad we didn’t start talkin until hella late in the trip.

To the retarded hailers of cabs: Yes I want & need my money.  BUT DON’T WALK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET WHEN THE LIGHT IS TURNING GREEN AND THEN TAKE YOUR TIME GETTING IN.  If I start moving the car while the door is open it’s to send a message.  Don’t worry, you ain’t gonna fly off and neither will the door- it slides remember?  And while I ain’t gonna lie and I used to do this myself when I knew no better- peering into the cab like a peeping tom to see if a cab is available is on some creepy crawler shit.

To the Lawng Oyylanders in my cab on Friday: I felt my intelligence quotient decrease by at least 3.  Did yall say “whoy did hea go down Times Squaar, he shoulda gone down 6th avenue??” Shut the fuck up.  You have a semi-valid point though, I shoulda went down 5th avenue.  But yall were gonna be aight.

To th French dude that left me the $0.00 tip on his card & later apologized: Your girlfriend is bangin & I would French Dutty Wine in that pussy.  Yeah I said it.  And were you apologizing for not tippin me or for being a grade A buffoon and takin forever to look to see if you left somethin.  Meatpackin District fuckers I swear I hate em but I love em at the same time.  Either way I just grilled him.

To the girl who asked me if I could have alcohol in my cab: No I don’t think you can.  But why the fuck would I want wine in it?  As dope of an idea as that could be; I think a chick would be scared shitless by the prospect of their cabbie offerin her a glass of wine.  Much less Jager or anything like that; ppl prob would think I’d be druggin them.

To the Spanish chick that fell asleep HELLA hard in my cab: I took a picture of you..BUT unfortunately this chick walkin up towards me scared me enough (because I figured it might have been a friend of yours) to not get the photo; so you were saved.  Besides, I woulda felt a bit bad after you kept throwin ones at me and I didn’t even take my shirt off.

To the rest of yall: I’m out. And so on.