09
Aug
10

DK’s NYC Taxi Cab Chronicles (The PMS Files).

Lately things had been rolling along smoothly.  Good for me because I’m not stressed; bad for this blog because I haven’t had much interesting shit go down.  This past weekend was one of those where the trips themselves were good; but the tips were awful.  Maybe it’s because I went shopping at Express and wore some of their graphic tees to work?

On Saturday, I’m down around 6th avenue & Bleeker Street and this chick gets in with a guy friend.  The second she hops in the cab she’s sounding all exasperated and shit, asking me if my AC works and if my credit card machine work.  I tell her that both of them do and the second I finish sayin the word “do” she tells me to crank it all the way up and to close all the windows in the cab.  Including mine.  Mine?? Seriously?? You can’t tell ME to close MY front window but I guess I understood because if the partition is on you can feel the air from my window.  Anyway, I do as she says (my AC in the front is on low because I don’t need it) and they complain that it’s only blowing hot air at the moment.  I tell her that because I haven’t had the need to turn it on that she’d have to give it a minute.  Everything is cool again (cool meaning we’re minding our own business- even though she’s rambling to her guy friend about gender roles & boring shit).  I get to 85th and Central Park West and she goes “Go through the light please make the light” and I tell her that we’re obviously gonna make it and I begin to slow down as we approach her block.  “What are you doing, I’ll tell you when to slow down & stop keep going.”  Um…okay.  So I speed up a bit (meaning 200 feet) and then she tells me to stop so I do.  For about 10 seconds I had forgotten that my meter was still running and I didn’t press “time off”.  I usually do way early so they can just pay as the cab moves and I can get the fuck out of dodge.  But I forgot and the bitch goes “You’re just gonna keep running the meter? Gah!” I tell her to calm down.  I ain’t even expecting a tip from her needy ass (and didn’t get it- even though the fare was $15.10) and she asks for a receipt.  I don’t look at her while I turn the AC off and roll my windows back down and hand it to her.  She thanks me and I don’t acknowledge her, though I really should have said “No, Thank You” sarcastically.  I peel off when she gets out.

I’m rollin down 2nd avenue now at around 2ish and I see this blonde chick.  She asks me if I could go to Staten Island and I tell her fine.  After all, going to SI for me is actually to my advantage because from there I can take a straight shot from the Verrazano to the Belt Parkway home.  She’s willing to pay me $85 for the trip and I tell her obviously that ain’t gonna be a problem.  But of course, I’m not gonna put that as a flat rate since it’s illegal to do so, so I let the meter run like it normally would.  I do tell her it’s gonna come out to about $60 but she doesn’t care.  Everything is cool until we get near the Verrazano when she starts barkin at someone over the phone in Russian.  Lord knows what that’s about and that’s not really my concern.  I get there fairly quickly to the spot (which happens to be on a dead end street) and she hops out the cab.  While there, there’s three other people (presumably her friends) and she’s livid at them for making her come all the way out to SI for seemingly no reason.  Again, this is in all-Russian so I wouldn’t know.  I just want my money and her ex-boyfriend gives it to me and I’m on my way.

Only problem is, this dead-end street is so effin narrow that I can’t K-Turn out of there.  I try for about 5 minutes before deciding that the only way I’m getting out is if I back out.  As I’m doing this, finding an unoccupied driveway in the process so I can make my K-Turn- out comes the blonde chick running to my cab telling me she wants to go back to Jersey.  She just wants to get the hell out of there and now her friend comes running after her.  They argue for about 5-10 minutes while I’m chillin wonderin what the hell is going on.  Ultimately the blonde tells me let’s go now.  Her friend has my front door open and asks me for the money back because the other girl is gonna pay her way now since she’s not staying.  I basically tell both of them to leave me out of this because I’m getting my money either way for this trip (and something in my mind told me the blonde had no intentions of paying- so I was keepin the shit), and besides it was the dude that paid, not you.  She threatens to call the police (which I dared her to) and she closes the door and I’m on my way to Weehauken.  We agree to a $50 flat rate plus toll.  I plug the chick’s addy into the GPS and we’re out.

It’s a 20 mile drive to Weehauken (no walk in the park) but I figure this shouldn’t take more than a half hour at 330 in the morning.  I get on the Staten Island Expressway to 440 North and take that for seemingly forever.  I make a wrong turn but I easily rectify that issue..no problems thus far- we’re halfway home.  All of a sudden when I’m about seven miles from the destination this broad begins to blow up on me:

Her: WHAT’S TAKING SO LONG TO GET THERE HOW FAR ARE WE?? WHAT ROUTE IS THIS YOU’RE ON?? IT’S ONLY SUPPOSED TO TAKE TWENTY MINUTES TO GET TO WEEHAUKEN!!
Me: Miss, I’m following the route the GPS is giving me…
Her: I NEED TO PEE REALLY BAD, THIS ISN’T SUPPOSED TO TAKE THIS LONG, WHERE ARE YOU GOING??? YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TAKE THE BELT PARKWAY TO I-95 SOUTH NORTH OH MY GOD!!
Me: The Belt Parkway doesn’t go through Staten Island..and last time I checked 95 doesn’t go to Weehauken..
Her: YES IT DOES, I USED TO DRIVE THIS EVERYDAY I KNOW IT’S ONLY SUPPOSED TO TAKE 20 MINUTES OH MY GOD!! I’M REALLY A PATIENT PERSON  BUT NOW I’M LOSING MY PATIENCE WHERE ARE YOU GOING???
Me: I’m following the frickin GPS what do you want me to do?? If you knew a better route you would have told me from before and I would have followed it.
(she basically begins to repeat herself so I’m not gonna repeat it on here)
DK’s Brain: How much vodka did this bitch drink tonight?
Me: We’re like 3 miles away…
Her: 3 MILES AWAY HUH WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THERE IN 20 MINUTES IT’S BEEN ALMOST FORTY MINUTES OH MY GOD!!! YOU DON’T KNOW WHERE YOU’RE GOING!!
Me: Yes, the GPS doesn’t know where it’s going.  Maybe I should have left your ass in Staten Island and never picked you back up.
Her: Maybe you shou..SHUT UP! WHAT’S YOUR DISPATCHER?
Me: Myself.
Her: Okay WHO’S YOUR MANAGER??
Me: Myself.
Her: Find me some transportation so I can find my way home OH MY GOD IT’S ONLY SUPPOSED TO BE TWENTY MINUTES!!!
DK’s Brain: I should find you an empty spot on route 1-9 for your ass to hitchhike.
Me: I’ve had enough of your shit (closes partition & keeps driving towards her destination).
(on 495 east)
Her: So now you’re ignoring me when I said to get off at this exit you take the next one…
Me: Yes because it says WEEHAUKEN and that’s what the GPS is telling me and now we’re a half-mile from your house.
Her: GET ME OUT!! I’M CALLING THE POLICE!!
Me: I DARE you to call the police.  Please do actually, because you’re jumping out of a fare.
Her: (closes door and powerwalks home without calling the cops).

You mean to tell me that I go from being a good driver to a shitty driver that doesn’t know where he’s going when BOTH times I had the GPS on?? Oh, and last time I checked, it does NOT take 20 minutes to get there. Google maps BITCH-

Meanwhile- after I figured it out..she wanted me to take THIS route:

Yeah..that makes sense.

You win some and you lose some. To be honest I wasn’t even that pissed, because she had NOTHING on me. Sure, she got out of a $58 fare and that’s a loss that I take. But my pride & who I am didn’t take a hit. Besides, I still got $85 out of a trip to SI that took me what, 25 minutes? And so on.

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