DK’s Brain (Things That Make You Go Hmm).

Most rides are the typical climb in/say hi/tell me destination and that’s all it consists of.  At this stage of the game, I’m not the excited, beat-bumpin driver I once was- though that comes out more on the weekends.  However, these are the top 6 things that don’t necessarily grind my gears..but makes you wonder what the fuck are they supposed to mean.

1) Tellin me a broad area.  For example, I picked up an orthodox Jew (I found out by the way that they really don’t do the typical “hail”- they just raise their hands like they were at school) and he tells me to go to Williamsburg.  Nothing else.  Mind you, on the BQE there are two exits for Williamsburg going eastbound- Flushing Avenue & Metropolitan Avenue.  The more Jewish area is Flushing Avenue sure…but how am I really supposed to assume that?  So I take Metropolitan Avenue because that’s what I’m more accustomed to.  “You were supposed to get off Flushing (exhales 3-4 times).”  I tell him straight up that you gotta be more specific.  DON’T ASSUME I’M SUPPOSED TO KNOW EXACTLY WHERE  YOU WANT ME TO GO!  He simply keeps exhaling and telling me to turn around to go to Wythe Ave (thank you ) and then to make a left.  The fare was $13.90 and he gave me 13 singles.  I didn’t even bother askin him for the extra dollar.

2) “This is perfect.” What the fuck ha?  What if I move 6 inches away from the spot, will it no longer be perfect?  Are you just saying this as positive reinforcement?  Or is the bullseye really that big to the point where really anywhere on that corner/in front of the building is “perfect”?  I hate when passengers say this- but more in a “lol” way.

3) “It’s okay.” You can call that the remix to #2 but the international version.  I let this slide because their English isn’t that good.  This is also said when they pay me and they’re telling me to keep the change “no it’s okay. bye.”

4) People who pay with credit card and ask for the receipt.  Part of me gets it because you need to remind the driver that you need it; but at the same time I feel like telling them “Umm, the receipt automatically prints when you choose credit card dummy.”  If anything when I’m a rider I tell them that that I DON’T need the receipt and take off from there.

5) This dude pressed “CASH” initially and then pressed “NO” thinking that it was asking him if he wanted to pay in that form or not.  Clearly though when you are paying cash the screen asks if you need a receipt or not followed by YES, NO or BACK (which is what he wanted to press).  By the time he tells me “I wanted to pay with my card” it’s already too late.  There’s no going back for me to input the total for example and then have him pay with the card.  He tells me he feels bad.  I feel bad that he couldn’t read.  He gives me a $5 which apparently is all the cash he had for a $8.30 fare.

6) This chick hops in at Delancey Street and tells me to take her to Brooklyn.  No problem obviously and the fare is $15.10.  She tries to pay with credit card…but it’s declined.  Tries it again (because sometimes the CC machine may not read it properly) and doesn’t work.  Hmm.  She tells me that she doesn’t understand why this is the case when she has over $2K in her bank account (well thanks for telling me like I care- I got more than you).  So she finds an ATM and they won’t let her take out any money (supposedly) so I ask her if she has another card.  She tells me she doesn’t so then…she takes out a checkbook??  She writes me a check for $21 and I thank her but am hella confused.  I figure the check is gonna bounce so I go to her bank TD BANK on Sunday to try and cash it.  The teller in the front tells me to hold on and out comes another guy.
“We are unable to process this check at this time.”
I’m dying laughing on the inside only because they didn’t wanna be real with me and tell me this broad is most likely broke.
“Come back later on I guess, or give her a call.”

Yeah, whatever.  And so on.


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