DK’s NYC Taxi Cab Chronicles: Koko Four Loko.

There’s being drunk..and then there’s being on Four Loko.  Mind you, I’ve only drank that shit once before and that was before going to a concert.  I enjoyed it thoroughly…but I took my time with it.  The problem isn’t with the drink itself (even though it has 12% alcohol + caffeine); it’s people tryna shotgun that shit and drink multiple cans.  Morons.

Anyhow, I pick up these dudes around Allen and Broome streets and they were lookin to go to Hudson Terrace on the far west side.  It was around 3am so I had no idea why you’d go around there unless you were tryin to go to Pacha (the artist formerly known as Sound Factory).  Immediately one of the dudes asks me if I want some Four Loko.  I tell him no thanks but obviously I wish that I could have some.  These fools weren’t actin so bad initially…until we get onto the West Side Highway.  Nobody knows what possessed him to do it, but he is able to sorta stand up, pull his pants down and moon these two passengers in a cab adjacent to mine.  The guy in the cab gives him a drunken thumbs up.  Weirdo.  The dudes in the cab think it’s the funniest thing ever since a scene from Hangover.

I get close to the spot but there’s this bus blocking everyone and I cannot move.  The club is around the corner so I ask them if they wanna get out (cause quite frankly they were annoyin the shit out of me) but they don’t want to.  Eventually after five minutes we make the turn and there’s a kid pukin his brains out.  Moon-Boy rolls his window down, laughs at him and calls him a pansy.  Little does he know that I was about to drop them off oh…about a hundred feet from him.  I turn the meter off and they’re gettin ready to get out.

BAM!! “The fuck you gotta say you little pussy come on huh?!?!”

The dude who puked somehow is able to recover, punches my passenger door and yells at the same kid who was just mockin him about a minute earlier.  I’m lookin at everyone like what the fuck…seriously??  I was beginnin to get agitated, the kids were funny at first but now it was gettin REAL OLD.  They tell me to peel off and they don’t wanna go there anymore.  You mean to tell me three of yall are scared of some dude who’s 150 pounds soakin wet ha?  “Why would you drop us off right there Jay-SON you almost got us killed?”  Uh, yall did it to yourselves and honestly you deserved it.  What if dude punched out my window?  “We woulda had your back.”  Shut the fuck up.

They have no idea what they wanna do so I pull over the car and yell at them askin where do they wanna go.  Finally, I’m able to drop them off home $40 later and nearly 50 minutes wasted but mercy.  For some reason also they kept callin me Jay-SON as if my name is some ethnic shit.  Uh, no.

And so on.


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