DK’s NYC Taxi Cab Chronicles (from 2/19/11).

I always find it humorous when people are coming from restaurants and are critiquing the food like they should be on Top Chef.  “The Filet Mingon’s texture was a bit rough in the middle of the left corner.”  Well, not that picky but shit when I go to a restaurant and if I don’t like the food I simply say it was bland.  Talkin about texture your mouth ain’t Picasso.  Talking about the waiter/waitresses and atmosphere is okay though.  My second passengers of the night were on that shit.  Did it surprise me that I dropped them off on Park Avenue?  Never.

When people talk amongst each other about relationships I feel like I’m watching a panel discussion.
Girl: “This one guy said I love you to me on the first date.  Uh, awkwarrrrd.”
Guy 1: “Now that’s just fucking weird.  I’d wait until at least the 3rd date.”
DK’s Brain: (singing What Is Love, Baby Don’t Hurt Me Don’t Hurt Me, No More.)
Guy 2: How long do you usually wait to say I love you to someone?
Girl: 8-12 months but I’ve never really been in love so I don’t know.
DK’s Brain: I’ll fuck you til you love me (Mike Tyson reference).
Guy 1: I think it depends on what you go through with the person and how much time you spend with them.

I guess one of the guys was drunk because they had an interesting exchange about ages.  He said he was 26 but was born in December 85…which would only make him 25.  But he told the girl that if he said he were 29 she would have believed him.

My dad tells me this is the furthest thing from the truth but these Canadians get in my cab and tell me how amazed they are by how much Americans view race/ethnicity/religion compared to Canadians who don’t at all.  I feel them.  The Toronto natives surprisingly don’t follow hockey…but are Raptors season ticket holders?  Strange indeed.  When asked about the crowd reaction Chris Bosh received at the Air Canada Centre they told me it was 2/3rds boo birds and 1/3rds cheers.  We also discussed the weather and I decided to compare the spring-like weather we had on Friday to a stripper who would go naked and shove her boobs in your face and then say gimme my $20 now mothafucka.

Broadway musical recommended for me to see: Jersey Boys.

I really try hard to understand what the big deal is with the fact that I talk with an American English accent and that I’m from New York but I have to realize that I’m an extremely rare breed.  Makin me feel like I’m Jackie Robinson or Obama or some shit.

And so on.


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