DK Back.


I didn’t know why this was…but I had my initial butterflies that I get when dropping off my first few passengers.  It sure didn’t help that I was driving in a friggin downpour when I had to drop off my first passenger from the airport.  She had it rough, staying in the city for the night and then heading back to LGA at 6am for an 845am flight.  Which isn’t even direct.  LGA-BWI-PIT it sounded like.  Sucks to be you.

I take some dude to Lenox Hill Hospital right afterwards.  It’s not a big deal except for the fact that he nearly severed his fingertip trying to get out of another cab just moments earlier and he was afraid that he was gonna pass out if he lost enough blood.  Wouldn’t you have a little more urgency ha?  At least he didn’t try to show me this shit nor the blood got in my cab.

One thing I’ll say about the rain is that it will expose those who are lazy with hygeine.  These chicks get in my cab and they are wet (the G-rated version)…but it smells like dog initially.  Fortunately the smell was fleeting but a bit of shampoo and/or hair spray would have went a long way.

Man.  I’ll tell you one thing about some women, they have NO shame airing out their laundry to each other.  Three blonde chicks heading uptown to 83rd and York just airing out some of their sexcapades and “hooking up”.  “Yeah, Jack, that guy I made out with at the bar.” “I had sex with Bobby and it was soooo lame.” “Sex with Jim was amazing, he’s away this weekend though.”  Oh ok.  It’s funny how these same women will try to play innocent but they got their lists down.  One of them was even talkin about how she has 48 hour boyfriends.  But why?  I’ll be lovey-dovey with them and be girlfriend material…then just say fuck it, leave em and go on.  Fuckin man-eater.  She had the quote of the night though:
“Always accept free drugs from strangers.  If someone gets in your cab and offers you drugs, take it.”

Except for the fact that I’m a black dude and much more likely to go to jail then you and these people are probably trying to kill me as opposed to sleep with you whoremonally charged chicks, sure.

“I have a thong vagina.”
“If it wasn’t for weed okay, half the music and TV shows you see now wouldn’t even be here okay?”
Man, artsy chicks have no shame either in their game.  What is a thong vagina anyway?  Any ladies wanna help me out here?
“If I don’t feel comfortable wearing underwear I’m just not gonna wear any fuck it.”
DK’s Brain: Nice breeze tonight isn’t it?

This Marine dude tipped me 5 cents on his card.  I know he didn’t mean to do it, but if he meant to give me 50 cents that’s still mad disrespectful.  You take all the women and now you wanna take my soul along with it?  I got submarined.

For the record, anytime someone asks me what’s the craziest cab story that I’ve ever had…I refer them to the fag who tried fondling me with his foot.   Also for the record, no one has had sex in my cab.  Yet.  I feel like I have to repeat these things at least once a week to people.

Dude outside as I pass him: “Why would you have a Volkswagen cab?”
I was so tempted to ask him if he had a problem with that but I like to make moves.

Fellow Jets fans always tip me well.  These two dudes tell me a story about how they bought tickets for the AFC Championship game at 5am that morning off of Stubhub; then hop in a car at 7am to drive the 7 hours to Pittsburgh for the game.  If that ain’t random as fuck then I don’t know what is.  I would love to do somethin THAT spontaneous one of these days.

My next to last passengers in Brooklyn…you wanna talk about losing cool points in 3.8 seconds.  They’re cuddled up in the back (but they’re just friends) and everything is cool.  The chick is talkin about how he’s one of the coolest dudes she knows here and she wants grilled cheese for breakfast after their platonic sleepover.  Platonic ha.  Everything is cool…then:
Guy- This girl right here…she’s a stripper.
DK’s Brain- Go on.
Guy- She works out on Long Island City.  Yeeeah.
Me- Oh word?  Which one, do you know and for how long?
(I can tell the girl is beginning to feel upset but you know how that passive anger works.  She is NOT responding to this.)
Guy- For like 5 years.
Me- Oh damn.
(This is cold man ha.)
Guy (to her)- What’s the name of the place?  Like Scores or something?
Girl- I dunno.
(She knows, but man you wanna talk about blowing someone’s spot up.)
Guy- It’s on Northern Blvd and Steinway Street I think.  Mondays & Tuesdays she works.

Aight he pays…but then the chick begins whisper arguing at him “Are you fucking serious right now, how are you gonna do something like that…you know how fucked up you are for that?  Seriously.”  Along those lines.  The dude thinks it’s funny, but she is NOT laughing.  She ain’t wanna get out of the cab, even though he already paid for it.  I don’t know what’s going on now because she’s looking at me hella despondent.  He gets out but she refuses to for a good 3-4 minutes.  Still pissed off, she tells him to apologize to me for saying what he said to me.  What?  She was under the pretense that I felt embarrassed too.  Don’t drag me into this ha, I play along with shit a lot and if you’re not gonna deny it then I don’t know what to do.
Guy (to Girl)- He knows that you don’t strip, he’s a smart dude.
DK’s Brain- LMFAO
Guy- I’m sorry for all that man, she’s not a stripper I was just fucking around.  None of that stuff is true.
Me- Hey it’s whatever, don’t worry about it.  I’m sure she’s not.
DK’s Brain- Yeah right DK YOU stop lying.
(begin to pull off and he knocks my window)
Guy- She works Tuesdays and Wednesdays (thumbs up).
(background her arms are flailing and she’s giving him the business.  In a bad way.)

I hadn’t laughed that hard in a minute.

Otherwise, it was pretty boring.  And so on.


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