21
Sep
11

Stinkbomb.

I’ve had people smellin like pure alcohol, which is common on weekends and I’m used to that.  I’ve had people smellin like armpits, which is common with Europeans and I’m used to that.  I’ve had people puke in my cab, which is uncommon but it’s not as if I don’t know what puke smells like.  All of these smells are unpleasant for sure but I’ve dealt with them.

Yes, I’m also used to people smellin like shit.  But, you assume that this would only be reserved on the streets and on public transportation.  I mean, I’ve lived in NYC my entire life and have probably dealt with every smell imaginable.  However, people coming into a cab smelling as such?  This was a second time (first time picking up someone from the airport).  It’s tough to describe it but it’s like someone took a shit and forgot to flush it for 24 hours.  Marinated shit in water.  Thanksgiving Turkey shit.  NIGHTMARES.

I pick this lady up on 46th between 8th and 9th unsuspecting of what was gonna happen to my nostrils.  My allergies are kinda acting up as we speak, but usually it’s my sinuses that would cockblock my sense of smell.  Not last night though, it was more sneezing but anyhow.  She struggles to get in and immediately my cab takes a turn for the worse.  Fortunately she isn’t going too far (Port Authority) but I’m wondering why she can’t walk the four blocks to head over there.  Now granted, she was struggling to walk as a heavier-set woman and who knows, she may be handicapped too…
(DK’s Brain interrupts- MAN WHAT THE FUCK THOUGH??  Comin into my car like this, you gonna kill my business with this stench…it best not be a permastench)

Anyhow, I roll BOTH of my front windows down.  You don’t wanna be rude but my goodness.  I normally don’t drive at a frantic pace a la Oregon Ducks football…but this HAD to be done.  I get to PABT in about 3 minutes from there and I have to drop her off across the street from the entrance because a U-Turn down 42nd street is near suicidal…not to mention there was a cop right there.  There was a Duane Reade right where I dropped her off so frankly, if she didn’t wanna give me the $5 and use that towards soap/deoderant/SOMETHING, I honestly wouldn’t have lost sleep over it.  A part of me felt bad that I couldn’t make the U-Turn to make her walk easier…but I became disoriented and had to immediately spray the back of my car with the clutch ArmorAll Air Freshener Protectant that eradicated the stench.  Oh, and roll down my windows to the max.

And..COUGH..so on.

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