Before I get into this though, one of my current pet peeves is when people get in my cab and tell me to turn up the music.  I do so…yet these people tend to be hella skimpy with the tips- hence why it’s a pet peeve.  Can anyone explain to me why?  I am fortunate though that I’m working now as opposed to in the 80s.  From what this old-timer told me, they used to only make 43% of whatever the fare was plus whatever the tip was.  If it were still like that, there would be a lot less people on the roads trust me…though the one advantage to that was you didn’t have to worry about garage leasing fees.

Anyhow back to the topic at hand.  Girls are always actin as if we’re creepy crawlers and shit.  Yeah some are overly aggressive, but it’s unfortunate that if you’re not attractive in their eyes that you will get placed in that category.  I do one of my Brooklyncide trips going down Delancey Street and some chick and dude hail for a cab.  Or so I thought…the chick gets in and the guy she’s with tries to get in right behind her.  A little skirmish ensues with her pushing him off her while he (to no avail- frankly he was as skinny as she was) tries to force his way in.  She tells me to pull off…yeah I will when he gets the fuck off my door and you close it properly.  I can’t even lock it because of it.  Fortunately I didn’t have to bark on him.  The broad is hella flustered and is successful at slamming the door as I pull off.

(Sidenote- the sign in the back of my cab explicitly says to not slam the doors, but she gets a pass…unlike this dumb as rocks hipster broad who slams it not once, but twice because she had forgotten something in the back seat.  You can understand Tolstoy but not this?  C’mon son.)

I was getting annoyed because I’ve been on the road since 630pm and didn’t even take a lunch break all night.  To be fair, I wasn’t really hungry but I had successfully reached my goal for the night.  But, the #1 mistake cab drivers make is believing that they have one more trip in them so at around 58th street near Columbus Circle this black chick and Spanish dude hail for a cab.  To be fair, I should have just went off-duty but I couldn’t resist a potential $20+ fare even if they probably weren’t gonna tip.  The broad gets in and the dude tries to too…but she just asks him for the money to take the cab home.  Where is home?  I have no idea at this point but since he wasn’t gettin the pussy, he wasn’t giving her shit.  I ain’t mad at him for that and not being a sucker…but now this broad apparently has no money either.  She tells me she’s goin to Sutter and Mother Gaston out in Brownsville but she has no money???  So you thought you were gonna get a sponsor, your sponsor cuts ties with you (as he should) and now you’re fucked because there’s no chance in hell I’m gonna head out there for free.  I don’t care if you’re Vida Guerra yo…and she ain’t look that good either.

Her: I’ll do anything.
Me:  Whatchu mean?
Her: Anything.
DK’s Brain: What, she’s gonna suck your dick for a ride?  O LETS DO IT.
DK’s Conscience: Man she ain’t gonna suck you off nor fuck your brains out with her drunk ass so kick her to the curb.  Plus you know how chicks are, one false move and you get swiss cheese’d up like Biggie once said.
Me: Sorry if you ain’t paying you gotta go.
Her: (gets on the phone and wastes my time staying in the cab for no good reason)
Her: Can you at least drop me off to the train station? (which is 1000 feet away)  Now I have to take the train home.
DK’s Brain: Womp womp.


And so on.



3 Responses to “Desperados.”

  1. 2 Krissi
    November 21, 2011 at 4:19 pm

    Sooo, did you drive her to the train station? I wouldn’t have….

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