26
Sep
11

Queens Shit.

It’s like winning the lottery when you find a cab on Saturday nights anytime after 10pm.  This is one of the laundry list of reasons why I no longer fuck with them.  What makes Saturdays worse than Fridays is that if you wind up going to Brooklyn, getting back to Manhattan takes a while with the Williamsburg and Manhattan Bridges both being slammed between 10p-1a…hence why at times I decide to do intra-Brooklyn trips.  But anyway:

On my bucket list of things I’ve wanted to do- I had “Pick Up a Stripper” near the top of my list…and now I can check that off. These two Latina chicks were heading to some spot in Astoria (can’t remember its name right now but I know it’s on 49th street and 25th avenue next to the BQE) and yeah they were lookin fine.  Did I originally know they were goin to a strip joint?  Nope, not until I pulled over to there and seen other chicks in 6 inch heels walkin in.  They paid me their $13.90 fare in 15 ones.  Some of the 1s were smeared with lipstick.  It’s that dirty money.

As I’m about to pull off, this dude asks me if I’m free.  No yellow cabs are gonna come around here for the fuck of it, so he called for a livery cab.  He needed to go to two places which I always find to be sketchy but when you gotta take care of business and don’t have a car to do it, it seems to be the way to go.  After giving me the addresses to both spots, I tell him to hop in.  He starts talkin to me about how he was trying to get home but his driver got him lost.  Or “lost”, since you’re now at a strip joint.  He was beside himself because he feels the driver did that to him on purpose.  I don’t really care for the story.  He swears I’m takin him the wrong way…but really I’m not, my GPS isn’t gonna steer you the wrong way bruh.  We stop at a red light and this cute Greek chick crosses past us hailing for a cab.  He catcalls her saying that she’s beautiful, gorgeous that whole schlep.  Like 99% of girls do nowadays, she ignores him and he gets tight.  “Man these girls be lookin at me like I’m an ailen or a lizard, somethin.  Like damn they not gonna give me the time of day.”  The problem really bruh is that you’re tryin to holla from a cab.  You ever heard of the song “No Scrubs?” You’re not gonna get attention from the passenger’s side.  But yes, white girls are more skeptical of cat calls from minorities than from their own kind.

Anyway, I drop him off at the first stop (he’s goin to pick up money) and per protocol, I leave the meter running.  He doesn’t take too long, maybe around 5 minutes and he gets back in.  Then, he wants to argue with me:
Him- Nah nah nah nah nah how is it $11.30 now?? It was like $9.70 when I got out earlier.
Me- I know, I kept the meter running as you’re supposed to do.
Him- Don’t be tryin to fuck with my money…I know when I do this it’s usually like $16 round trip.
Me- Um…I wouldn’t know how to tamper the meter and even if I did, what would I gain out of it, seriously?
Him- I’m not tryin to argue with you, I’m just sayin…yeah I’m debating but not tryin to start an argument.
DK’s Brain- Come again LeBron?
Him- But I appreciate you pickin me up, man that last guy was a fuckin asshole.  You can’t be droppin me off somewhere where I don’t know nobody.  I mean, the place don’t matter you could put me in…in Whiteyland with lillies and green grass but what if somethin pops off?  I don’t wanna get in an altercation somewhere where I don’t know nobody.
Me- Word I feel you.

He pays his $17 and we’re off to the races.

And so on.

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