10
Jan
12

The “I’m A Good Tipper” Brooklyn Swindle.

With a GPS, I will venture anywhere, anywhere at anytime.  I don’t really give a fuck, although yes if I’m goin to the South Bronx or Brownsville at 330am I’m not fully comfortable with that.  Anyhow, I had just dropped someone off when this tall blonde chick hops in the car.  Jogging with her heels on she gets in and asks if I can take her to Brooklyn.

So she goes on this whole spiel about how she always feels the need to ask cabbies to take her to BK because most people hate doing so (what else is new) and that she promises that she’s a good tipper.  I’m thinking in my head “cool story sis” and we carry on.  I tell her that I’m from Queens and she eats that up, saying that Queens is her favorite borough.  I haven’t heard that one in a while actually…most people love BK the most; but she doesn’t like how gentrified Brooklyn has become in most areas.  We all know it.
(Segue: It’s always a struggle telling people where I’m from because it ALWAYS goes like this:
Them- Where you from?
Me- Queens.
Them (inquisitive)- What part?
Me- Rosedale.
Their Brains- o_O
NO ONE KNOWS WHAT IT MEANS!  CAUSE IT’S SO PROVOCATIVE!  IT GETS THE PEOPLE GOING!!!
Me- outside of JFK airport.
AHH FUCK IT
Me- near Jamaica.
Them- ohhhhhhh okay.)
Tellin me about how her ex-boyfriend used to live in Queens and she loved the fact that they had a backyard space, even though he was a “douchebag”.  Then I mention the dating game and how difficult it  is in NYC to find “that one” because there are so many options out there and I feel that it’s an eBay jungle.  She disagrees, saying that it’s hard for her to find someone who allows her to be great (aka allows her to be driven/motivated) since she thinks guys are intimidated by that.  Hmm.  Personally I don’t because as yall can see I’m self-employed but whatever.  I do admit however that I psych myself out of meeting girls because I always feel like every time I meet one here the conversation becomes an interview.  That and a variety of other factors.  Only in NYC does this happen.  That’s probably why I won’t find myself dating anyone from the city…it has yet to happen.

Anyway, we cross over the bridge and she asks me what the craziest thing that ever happened in my cab.  My loyal readers know what that one is but her worst experience in public transportation was well…interesting.  She mentions that she was on a flight back from Lebanon & she sat next to this couple.  The wife fell asleep and the guy also had his blanket over him…except she noticed it was moving.  Lo and behold she caught the husband masturbating on the plane.  The way she was describing it though had me rolling “he was furiously rubbing it” TOO MUCH INFORMATION FOR ME HA.  She probably was slightly turned on that’s why she kept looking. He was looking at her too, btw.  Anyway, she says that she was really tempted to tell the wife what he did when the plane landed and everyone got off (the plane that is) but she bit her tongue.

By the way, I am not joking either, if a girl EVER masturbates in my cab I will offer her a free cab ride.

With that said, I dropped her off and the fare was $20.70.  Tip: $2.00.  I just got swindled.  All good though, I picked up another fare in Park Slope shortly thereafter and she tipped $3 on a $7.30 fare.  Go figure.  And so on.

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