12
Aug
12

Smart Alec.

You know there are certain bars that people get more trashy at than others. Pourhouse in the East Village is certainly one of these spots. I’ve been there a few times, it’s a fun spot to go to if you’re in a group and want to go dance…but it’s not really my scene. But that’s all besides the point.

I pick up these two dudes and they say they want to go over to Hoboken. Alright, fine. Knowing Hoboken is a 15 min drive away, easy money. They ask me how much it’s gonna be and I tell them it’s gonna be $30 plus toll. One of the guys is incredulous “THIRTY PLUS TOLL??” Yes, $30 plus toll. How much did you think it’d cost, $20? Fuck outta here ha. When it comes to Jersey, Connecticut or Suffolk County fares, you can negotiate the price so even though the book says it’s $28, you don’t have to charge that. Most cab drivers charge $45 plus toll to go out there and I may have to get up on that wave. Besides, if they don’t wanna do it then they can politely leave the cab. But that’s fine, they’re gonna pay in cash so there’s no need for me to even turn on my meter.

The dudes don’t know the intersection and simply tell me to get to Jackson Street, fortunately my iPhone’s GPS doesn’t have a problem finding that. Since I’m downtown and closer to the Holland Tunnel, the GPS points me in that general direction. Cruising right along on the tunnel, all of a sudden one of the dudes has a titty attack:

Him- WHY ARE YOU TAKING THE HOLLAND TUNNEL? I’M NOT PAYING FOR THIS SHIT!
Me- What on earth are you talking about.
Him- YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO TAKE THE LINCOLN, YOU FUCKED UP
Me- Actually, no I didn’t.
Him- YES YOU DID YES YOU DID I’M NOT PAYING FOR THIS
Me- You actually think I’m taking the long way (laughs) are you out of your mind? Plus, did you give me directions? No, so unless you do you can’t tell me shit.
Him- EXACTLY I’M SUPPOSED TO TELL YOU WHERE TO GO
Me- Yeah, but you didn’t.
Me- You DO realize that you have to pay for toll regardless of what tunnel you take right? Doesn’t matter if it’s the Lincoln or Holland it’s still the same shit.
Him- I’M NOT PAYING FOR THIS. HOW MUCH IS THE TOLL?
Me- $9.50 and that would have been the case if I took the Lincoln, Holland, OR GW Bridge. AND it’s a flat rate so why in God’s name would I take the slowest route
His boy- Yo chill.

Who the fuck are you to question my GPS though? I don’t think people realize how close the Lincoln and Holland Tunnels are in regards to getting to Hoboken. I get to Jackson street in about 3 minutes and all you hear in the back is dead silence. I shut the kid up. I know he felt like an ass because whilst I was expecting an apology for acting developmentally delayed…I also knew it wasn’t coming. Ultimately I get $42 after everything and he thanks me.

I feel like this is the perfect segue for DK’s 8 Cab Commandments:

1- Don’t touch my radio under any circumstances. The last thing I need is a faux DJ Pauly D pressing the wrong buttons on a radio you’ve likely never seen before.
2- If you give me an intersection, unless you are directing me I will go whichever way I want.
3- Backseat driving is NOT permitted. If you feel so inclined to be one, become a Driver’s Ed Teacher. I don’t know how well they pay though.
4- I’m not taking 5 passengers UNLESS one of them is a young kid that can sit on someone’s lap. It’s in the rules. I’m not running the risk of getting fined $50 just because yall are trying to save a buck or two. Plus, it’s an insurance policy issue. Worst case scenario- if I get into an accident, I’d be unable to claim it.
5- Leave my partition the way it is. Stop pushing it forward. I’m not anti-social or anything but just cautious. I don’t want a dude sticking his foot through it trying to caress my face again.
6- Cash is king whenever possible. Don’t give the credit card vendor my hard earned money (100% > 95%).
7- Cigarette smoke doesn’t bother me, but at least ask first before you light up. Some pendejo thought it was all good to just light up a couple of cigs in my cab like he owned the joint a few weeks back…then didn’t even tip me. I had to chastise him on that one.
8- Never thank me if you are a cheap tipper.

And so on.

Advertisements

0 Responses to “Smart Alec.”



  1. Leave a Comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: