Archive for March, 2014

02
Mar
14

Purdy Fuckin Hammered.

That wasn’t a typo by the way..as you’ll find out soon enough.

I get a fare to Park Slope around 4th avenue and my previous guy makes me drop him off around Dean St.  No problem with that, even with him being a part of the $1 Tip Nation.  So I go down 4th moreso to get back to 3rd avenue since the Brooklyn Bridge into Manhattan is shut down. I see a dude hailing a cab with 3 other chicks but he has one leaning on him like she needed to pass out/throw up…so nope. I wind up seeing some hispanic dude hailing and I say fuck it fine…lemme pick him up.

Him: I’m goin to 1722 Puajfbady street ya heard?
Me: What?
Him: I’m goin to 1615 Pasufvbs street
Me: Again?
Him: 17. 22. Purdy P-U-R-D-Y Street. In Da Bronx. Ya Heard?
Me: Fine.
Him: How much?
(First mistake)
Me: no less than $40. It’s on the meter though.
Him: (counts money): I got $23.
Me: Hell nah it’s not gonna happen.
Him: Please sir I need to get home I’m fucked up.
Me: Nah. There’s a cab spot right there and you could holla at them.
Him: Look…I got (counts his singles) $11 on me.
Me: Nah.
Him: Word to my mother I’ll pay you when I get home.
DK’s Brain: Word to Casey Anthony you won’t.
Me: I don’t know who the fuck you are.
Him: I need to get homeeee (sorta whiny)
Me: Which is cool but you don’t got the money for me…so 2 choices. You get out..or I call the cops.
Him: C’mon mannn I gotta get home.
Me: Aight then (police call initiated).

I figured he wasn’t gonna take me seriously so I had to handle my biz. Plus the partition was closed so I was fine, just in case a Bronx cat tried to step at me sideways (after checking the map it was Parkchester which is actually an okay part).

(post police call) now mind you they asked me about his description. A spanish dude rockin a red cap, black jacket and black jeans (and he actually tells me the black jacket & jeans he was wearing too…which shows how fucked up he is).

Him: Yo that’s some foul shit..how I open this door??
Me: (points)
Him: Yo suck my dick nigga!  SUCK MY WHOLE DICK NIGGA! YA HEARD??
Me: Nah I’ll pass on that.
Him: Yo you wanna fight nigga? Let’s go! You wanna fight??
Me: Umm nah, that’s all you bro.
Him: Suck my whole dick nigga ya heard? YA HEARD? (slams door)

The amount of smart-alec remarks I had would’ve been epic.  Such as:
1) Just the tip or nah? (would make me sound gay tho)
2) Are you promoting yourself as being gay, no Jason Collins?
3) Your whole dick…aka 2 inch prick (again would make me sound gay)
4) Wepa!

There’s probably more but having the itis and not feeling like wasting energy on a Grade A Jackass..why bother? He ultimately got out. I ultimately continued to dominate.  And so on.